The Chasm's Edge
by smartkid37
Summary: Trying to hold the pain inside is keeping someone on Team Gibbs just one step away from falling over the edge. Can the team reach out to him in time? Will it be enough to save him from himself? Tag: Can't give it away.
1. Chapter 1

Numbness saturated _almost_ every fiber of his being even as the scalding shower rained down on his exhausted body. As he tried to scrub everything away; the bad taste the case left in his mouth, the images of the victims, the reminder that he'd almost become one of those victims; the raw emotions that shined so painfully in the glaring light of the hindsight that plagued him now and the truth of what this all said about him and who he really was. With Herculean effort, he forced himself to put it all away where it belonged. As he carefully cracked the vault open on his bank of emotions; he forcefully threw the new pain, sorrow and even the willingness and desire to cry, into the almost full, allotted space and quickly and firmly locked them all securely behind the now dead bolted door of his self control, forged now in the steel of the strength it had taken him to slide the lock home, into place.

As he firmly stomped the stubborn tears trying to be let out, back; he abandoned his toward finding mindlessness through the relaxing heat of the shower and stepped out; drying himself off and getting dressed. After all, there was one stubborn fiber of his being that was refusing to succumb to that complete numbness he'd been so close to achieving and now it was demanding he find an extreme escape instead. This would have to be an escape of the totally unexpected and uncharacteristic kind. There would be none of his usual attempts to handle things. After all, this was _not_ a normal situation. But, then again, he doubted he would ever experience _normal _again.

Almost absently, after recalling hearing the mention of a place that would serve his purpose; he'd found what he was looking for; what he needed, anonymity. Now, here he was, a mere two hours after work, sitting in one of the noisiest, not yet crowded places he'd ever been in his life, yet thankfully, he was alone. Knowing the night was young and the crowd would be filtering in soon enough, he gratefully found what he wanted; a secluded seat alone and away from prying eyes. Sitting here, in the last place anyone would ever look for him; a place no one would ever expect him to be in; he began to relax.

After all, he wasn't here for anything but to escape and the loudness of the music certainly didn't hurt. Tonight, he was safe from the world in which he lived and the people who lived there with him. Now, he could let his mind go blank. Drinking his way toward feeling more relaxed, he reached for his goal, steadily, slowly. A lost count of both time and drinks later and ah. There it was! Mindlessness. That blessed place where pain, time and memories all stood still for as long as you wanted them to, without seeming to rip your heart out and hand it back to you on a silver platter. Complete and utter numbness of mind, body and soul.

* * *

It was only 11:00 PM and Abby was happily on her way to a party where she'd be able to relax with some friends. It had been a hard week at work, although, truth be told, there weren't many times when work wasn't hard on the mind and soul, anyway. But, this week had been especially difficult and she hadn't been able to deal well with the pain and heartbreak she'd seen in her team mate's eyes at the end of the day. The worst part had been when her team mate wouldn't talk to her about it. Everyone talked to Abby because Abby always listened and Abby always successfully chewed out anyone who had hurt one of her team mates. But, this time had been different. Now, she didn't know what she could do, except keep an eye on her team mate when she could. Tonight, she knew he needed to be alone and although that in itself wasn't unusual; she hoped that she was doing the right thing by letting him handle things his way tonight. As these thoughts ran through her head, her cell phone rang.

"Abby Scuito." she answered, ever mindful that it might be work related.

"Hey, Abby! It's Dan!"

"Hey, Dan, aren't you at work?" Abby asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I am. Actually, that's why I'm calling. Got one of your work people here and he's not doin' so hot. I think someone needs to come talk to him, no, scratch that, someone just needs to come drive him home." her friend told her with genuine concern. He'd met all of Abby's work family and knew that Abby loved them all completely and would kill someone over any one of them and they felt the same about her. It was why he liked them all and looked out for them, in the rare times they ever graced his establishment. This was definitely one of the most rare, as they never came without Abby; until now.

"Oh, wow! Who is it, Dan?" Abby asked, now concerned herself. As she listened to Dan describe his current patron in question, her heart broke and she quickly pulled over to the side of the road.

"Thanks, Dan, I'm too far away but I'll send someone to come get him. Thank you so much for letting me know and for watching out for him." Abby said as she disconnected the call.

Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, her brain attempted to wrap itself around what she'd just been told. The person, the place, the time he'd been there, what he'd done, it just didn't make sense, it didn't even add up. But, then again, it had been a horrible last couple of days for the team. Maybe, it had been a hell ova lot more horrible that she'd even realized.

Bringing her brain back to focus, she picked her cell phone back up and dialed.

"Hey, it's Abby. I need your help with something."

* * *

_A/N: Which team member of Team Gibbs is hurting like this? Why? Where the heck is he? Who is it that Abby calls for help?  
Stay tuned to find out._


	2. Chapter 2

Eleven PM and he was too wired to sleep. It had been a rough week and a horrible case and there was no escape from the exhaustion that had been steadily trying to drag him under all day. Thankfully, the team had solved the case, well, unfortunately, the assassin who they'd been unknowingly chasing had it had fallen almost literally in their laps. The ringing of his phone, brought his mind back to the present, back from the brink of that wonderful world of sleep beckoning to him in mockery.. Snatching up his phone, he answered it less than pleasantly; not wanting it to be work related, but wanting to kill someone for calling him this late if it wasn't about work.

"This had better be a matter of life or death!" he growled at whoever was daring to call this late.

_"Hey, It's Abby. I need your help with something."_

* * *

He was aware of the questioning glances being delivered at him as he sat at his desk Friday morning, but couldn't bring himself to care. It was almost like they knew how and where he'd spent his time last night. He was tired, too tired to worry about what they thought or how he needed to put up a shield. Right now, he didn't care if anyone knew. He just wanted to be left alone to get his work done in peace. The sooner he got his report done, the sooner he could get outta here.

Thank God, he'd stopped feeling sick to his stomach. Even better, he'd actually stopped puking his guts out about, oh, a mere two hours ago! He didn't remember getting home; didn't remember how he got into his comfortable bed or having the wherewithall to have the necessary provisions handy when his protesting body had woken itself up with both a horrendous headache and a revolting stomach at three in the morning. He must have taken a cab, since his car wasn't at his apartment building this moring. But, then again, he hadn't been missing any cash out of his wallet, so how was it he'd paid for this cab? Oh well. More to ponder later; after work. He didn't need any reason to have Gibbs' bark at him today. He didn't think he could take it. It would probably take just once, for him to lose it; to slip over the edge he felt widening under his unsteady feet, as it was.

Still, he didn't care. The escape had been great and he was actually looking forward to escaping again, the minute he could, again. The place he'd chosen had been perfect. There was no way any of his co-workers knew about it and that's what made it so great! He didn't have to hang out at home, doing nothing waiting until someone showed up and didn't take no for an answer or tried to feed him or tell him what he needed.

Last week had pulled the rug out from under his feet and the walls and masks that he had built and used, to protect himself, had seriously started to crumble, way beyond the cracks that had been there since; well, since way back when. He couldn't let anyone else know just how shaken up he was. After all, he had a job to keep and weakness wasn't tolorated here. That had been the whole reason for his unusual means of escape, one that worked quite well, for a little while anyway.

He remembered going out, taking himself to that out of the way place where no one here would ever think to look for him in. The evening had been quiet and so relaxing, it had literally saved him from doing something stupid. That idea hadn't left ; but the desire to do it was greatly lessened.

_Focus!_ he told himself sternly. _Just pretend you're okay until it's time to leave for the day, and you can escape from it all again then. Don't give Gibbs a reason to yell at you._

He got up, muttered something about going to the head in response to Gibb's questioning glance that he happened to catch and made his escape while he still could.

Leaning over the bathroom sink he splashed water over his face and breathed in and out deeply.

"You okay?" Startled, he looked up to see Gibbs leaning against the door staring at him.

"I'm okay, Boss" he replied looking away. He couldn't look at Gibbs. Gibbs would know that something was up and he'd get it out of him.

"You don't look okay to me" Gibbs stated running his eyes over him, focusing on the pale skin, the bags under his eyes and shaking hands. Striding over and grasping his agent's shoulders Gibbs forced him around, tucking a finger under his chin and moving his head until his eyes were meeting Gibbs blue ones.

"Talk to me." Gibbs urged.

"I need to get back to work." his agent reminded him quietly, his eyes not meeting Gibbs'. A light slap to the back of the guy's head immediately had the younger man's eyes diving for the floor.

"Look at me." Gibbs quietly ordered.

As expected, in obedience to the unusual tone coupled with the command itself, the eyes came up off the floor to meet Gibbs' in the mirror. Unexpectedly, there had been some actual hesitation first.

"Talk to me." Gibbs now directed "without tryin to lie to me?"

Taking a deep breath, the younger agent moved away and looked back at Gibbs through the mirror once again.

"I can't. Not now, Boss." he told the older man quietly but with every ounce of respect for Gibbs back in his voice.

Gibbs had to accept the guy's decision. But, this was Friday and the only reason they were here now, was to finish up paperwork on the case and then they could go home. The unusual order of the day decreed so by Vance, in order to give the team some much needed rest. He put what he hoped was a comforting hand on his agent's shoulder and squeezed in a show of silent support and understanding before he vacated the restroom, leaving him in privacy and peace.

Heading back to his desk, Gibbs looked at his now empty squad room in frustration. Letting his breath out on a sigh, he walked over to his agents' desks to see what they'd left in the middle of. On two desks, he found a note, _Gone for coffee. will bring you back one, Boss_.

Gibbs grinned. the notes were typical of McGee, typwritten and copied. Anything to simplify things, huh? Yeah, he knew all of his agents kept these to reuse, it made escaping easy and quick and almost painless for them all. Knowing, there was little he could do about it, Gibbs returned to his own desk to get started on his own work. His thoughts, however, immediately went back to his agents.

None of his agents were hiding their emotions well this morning. Gibbs decided he'd nip it in the bud when they all got back to their desks before it became embarrassing for anyone.

He was surprised to look up at the sound of approaching footsteps, to find Abby entering the squad room, obviously in search of someone. Gibbs knew she was worried about what had happened last night. He needed to keep her focused on work, too.

"Abby? Something I can do for you?" Gibbs asked her in his tone that let her know, he would not tolorate her lurking around when she had work she could be doing in her lab.

"Gibbs! I just needed to see him! Where is he?" Abby asked demandingly.

"Why, Abby?" Gibbs asked sternly.

"Gibbs! I haven't seen him yet today and I wanna make sure he's okay!" Abby declared.

"Abby, he's okay. But, he won't be if you're hounding him. Now, go on, get back to your lab and do something. Do your inventory or something!" Gibbs commanded.

"Fine." Abby huffed. But, you make sure you tell him I was here looking for him, to make sure he's okay!" Abby declared as she stomped away in frustration.

It didn't matter that he'd had rescued the agent in question last night; driven him home and put him to bed, leaving him a glass of water, a trash can, and some asprin next to his bed, before he'd driven himself back home just a couple of hours ago. It was patently obvious that the younger man had no recollection of those events. Hell, he probably didn't even realize where he'd been last night.

Gibbs started to roll his eyes, until he caught sight of the agent currently occupying his thoughts, standing stock still, listening and watching Abby's tirade and subsequent departure from the squad room. It was obvious that the guy didn't even realize Gibbs could see him, by the fact that his raw emotions were out in plain sight, strewn across his face like they'd been tossed aside carelessly and he'd just reached out and embraced them. Yeah, Gibbs could see his agent was hurting, but he also saw anger and betrayal, and alarmingly enough, a touch of resignation and acceptance. The most alarming point of notice for Gibbs was the light that had gone out of this younger man's eyes. He hated to see that happen with any of his team.

Not wanting to have his agent know that he'd been seen wearing his broken heart on his sleeve in such a way; Gibbs quickly looked away from him and got back to work. As the guy returned to his desk, silently and seemingly more morose that when he'd left it just a few moments ago, Gibbs made a mental note to take him aside after work and try to get him to open up.

"Get to work!" Gibbs told his coffee laden returning agents in what he hoped was less than a bark but more stern than mere compassionate understanding of their worry

All of his agents caught the strange quality in Gibbs' tone and wisely kept mum about it and quickly dove back into their work. None of them wanted to be there all day. Gibbs got called up to the Director's Office and his agents were left to their own devices. Surprisingly enough, all three of them remained steadfastly working, wanting to get done as soon as possible. Since Gibbs had told them they could go when their reports were finished, saved and sitting on his desk, they were all gone before he got back to the squad room.

Coming back to an empty squad room, Gibbs silently cursed. He shouldn't have told them they could leave before he got back. Now, the chance to talk to his troubled agent and find out what he was going on and what he was planning on doing with himself after work, was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Eleven AM and Tim was restless, exhausted, unable to sleep and trying to hold it all in, still. Every minute that ticked by was another minute the locked door holding all if it inside, was being barraged with the determination to break down. _NO! I am NOT gonna go there!_ Tim told himself with enough authority to have done Gibbs proud. Needing something to do, he put on his sweats and a t-shirt, and headed out for a mindless run. Running, with no set place or pace or even plan in mind, was numbing, almost as numbing as going to that out of the way place last night had been.

_Last night_. How _had_ he gotten home? Gibbs had been so different towards him today, it had been almost scary. _Did Gibbs somehow know about last night? Of, God! I think I could deal with anyone else but Gibbs!_ Well, no, that wasn't true. It just made the whole situation a lot more stressful when you threw your boss into the mix. As he continued to run, the thoughts soon faded away and wonderful emptiness found its' way into his brain, allowing him to actually enjoy the run.

Once back in his apartment, Tim found himself so ready to sleep, he literally fell out onto his bed, instantly falling deeply into the peaceful slumber of the sleep deprived, for the first time in a week, he never even stirred when the door of his apartment opened. Stealthily, Tony entered Probie's apartment in concern for his teammate. The guy had been acting so unlike himself and so down in the dumps, Tony and Ziva had talked about it and even contemplated an intervention, but Ziva had reminded Tony that Tim seldom appreciated being strong-armed or cornered in Tony's usual way of trying to help.

Come to think of it, Tim had been different for a while now. Ever since Gibbs had dropped the bomb that the freighter Ziva had been on had gone down with no survivors, McGee had been more withdrawn and less snarky, more on edge and less funny, more reserved and less speaking without it being case related or out of concern for one of his teammates. Come to think of it, Tim had been withdrawn and oh, so unhappy looking since he'd told Tony about Rivkin and Ziva's connection. Tim had handled that situation well and even shown Tony the respect his Senior Field Agent status afforded him. But, that didn't mean Tim had been happy to have found the information or been unaffected by the end result of it. Everyone had been so focused on Ziva and her dealings with Gibbs, Rivkin and Tony, that no one had given Probie a second thought. Yeah, Probie had been changing right before his eyes and he hadn't noticed. Had anyone? Well, in his own defense, Tony had had a hell ova lot going on, himself.

Bringing his mind back to the present, his concern for Tim keeping his foot steps quiet, he stalked through the house to make sure the guy was okay. Reaching Probie's bedroom, Tony peeked inside, the door thankfully open most of the way, and saw with relief that the kid was actually sound asleep, as the steady rising and falling of his chest promised. Taking the time to look at him while he slept, Tony noticed the sweat covered running outfit. Hell, the guy's sneakers were still on his feet. Apparently, he'd run until he'd almost dropped. Yeah, Tony could understand that. Hell, he'd done it often enough himself. But, Probie? Probie running? No damn wonder he'd lost all that weight and looked so much healthier now! This was good. Maybe it would help Tim work through whatever was bothering him.

Backing himself up slowly, Tony turned and headed back out, noticing Tim's datebook on the table as he went. Tony stopped to look through it. Maybe this would give some clues as to what was going on with this guy.

Thumbing throgh it, Tony kept going until he reached the current month. He read the entries on the calendar spaces, his eyes stopping on the blocks alloted for the past week and the entries Tim had put in writing. Reading the blocks for both yesteray and today, Tony's mouth dropped. Looking around the apartment, he mentally head slapped himself.

_Why hadn't he noticed this earlier? How in the hell could he have missed this? Does anyone else know about this? _

Closing Tim's date book and setting it back down, Tony decided to check on one more thing before he left. Suddenly needing to follow up on a hunch, Tony checked Tim's refrigerator and cupboards. Sure enough, his hunch had been right. Tim's stores were empty. He had no food in his apartment; no coffee, no milk, no cereal, nothing. Hell, there wasn't even any ice in the freezer or drinks in the entire place!

Quickly but quietly letting himself out, making sure to lock the door behind him, Tony left, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and hitting a speed dial number as he walked. Getting nothing but voicemail, Tony tried yet another number. Again, he only got voicemail. Giving up, he got in his car and drove. With a destination and a hope of finding someone to talk to about this, someone who could possible tell him what should be done. Tony drove with the determination of one set on getting what he wanted and now.

Arriving at his destination, he breathed a sigh of relief to find he'd hit pay dirt. Going into the house, he was surprised to find Gibbs sitting out on his back porch and not down in his basement. Then again, since his boat was gone, Tony wasn't quite surprised the man didn't hang out there anymore.

"Hey, Boss." Tony said quietly.

Gibbs' eyes snapped open. Looking at Tony and then his watch, he silently cursed. He'd wanted to go check on Tim but he'd gotten waylaid at work and had only been home a short time when he'd gotten an unexpected but nice phone call from his father. He'd come out to the back porch and sat down while he and his father talked and the call had lasted a while, since they talked about a lot of things, both old and new. He'd only put the phone down and closed his eyes for a minute, it seemed, before Tony had appeared. Now, looking at his watch again, he was pissed to see that it had actually been over an hour since he'd gotten off the phone with his dad. He must have fallen asleep. _Damn it!_

"DiNozzo, what's going on?" Gibbs asked.

"Probie." Tony's answer sounded strangely like he was deeply concerned.

Gibbs' concern edged up a couple of notches but he refused to let it show. "What about him, Tony?" he asked, keeping his voice calm and neutral.

"Ok. I was worried about Probie, you know he wasn't acting like himself today, well, he's not been acting like himself for a long time now, but especially not himself since well, since before he almost got killed yesterday..." Tony tried to explain.

"Tony!" Gibbs interrupted, knowing Tony was rambling because he was really upset about something.

"Huh? Oh, Right! Sorry. Boss," Tony sputtered, now flustered as well as upset and worried. Trying to calm down, he took some deep breaths and watched in amazement as Gibbs got up and propelled him into a chair sat himself back down, reached into the cooler beside him, pulled out a beer and handed it to him.

"Oh. Thanks, Boss." Tony offered.

"You're welcome. Now relax and tell me what has you so off your feet you can't even get the words out." Gibbs encouraged quietly. His concern for both his surrogate sons was steadily climbing, leaving no room for levity.

"I went to go check on him." Tony admitted. His tone suggested that the young man fully expected dire consequences for what he'd just admitted to.

"Ok. You must have found something you didn't like if it brought you to my house, Tony. Just spit it out." Gibbs directed, suddenly no longer willing to wait to hear what was going on.

"Boss, Probie was stone cold out of it, passed out on his bed! He still had his running clothes on, right down to his shoes." Tony sputtered out in obvious concern.

"Ok, Tony, so McGee went running right after work. Then he went home and fell asleep. Doesn't explain why you're here." Gibbs said impatiently, successfully hiding his relief that so far, he wasn't hearing a problem.

"Boss! When did Probie start running?" Tony's concern started there and he really wanted to know the why and when of this, in case it had to do with McGee's mood from today.

"Tony, you're not here because McGee took up running. You don't think he got in shape over the summer without excercise do you? What is this really about?" Gibbs pushed.

"Ok. You're right. There's more. A lot more." Tony admitted. "Boss, I checked through his date book."

"You did what?" Gibbs asked in anger. _When would Tony ever learn to respect McGee's privacy?_ Gibbs kept his anger as under wraps as he could. Tony was upset about something and he needed to encourage Tony to get it out, not reprimand him for coming clean about something.

"Boss, it was sitting on his table and I knew I had to see if there was a clue as to what was going on with him in it." Tony defended his actions.

"I take it you found something?" Gibbs asked, trying desperately to hang on to his anger, refusing to qualify Tony's actions.

"Boss, when's the last time you've heard McGee talk about his personal life?" Tony hedged.

"It's been a long time, Tony. Why?" Gibbs asked, his impaitence becoming more obvious.

**"Boss, he gave Jethro away this morning!"**

* * *

_A/N: There you go, canada3dayer. This ending is for you._


	4. Chapter 4

Gibbs felt like he'd just been sucker punched. As much as McGee had gone through, as much as he'd worked through with everything that had happened during that case. and as badly as his relationship with Abby had taken a beating over that case and Jethro, who'd been the heart and soul of that case; McGee had grown to love the dog and had taken damn good care of him, faithfully and without another word of complaint from him, ever. It was something that Gibbs had privately respected the hell outta him for. Why on earth would he give the dog away? Did Abby know? It was a pretty safe bet she didn't or the whole agency would have heard about it by now.

"Tony, whatever happened that caused McGee to do give the dog away, is his own business. If he'd wanted us to know, he'd have told us." Gibbs firmly reminded his agent.

"Yeah, Boss. I know, but, doesn't this make you wonder?" Tony asked, concern still evident in his voice.

"Make me wonder what, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked in confusion.

"What else is going on with him!" Tony exclaimed as if Gibbs should have already been asking that question.

"Why would him giving his dog away make me ask that?" Gibbs asked.

"Because of the way he's been acting, Boss." Tony explained. "Because of what happened yesterday and the whole 'Amanda' business." Tony pled his case.

"Tony, I'm sure that this was rough on him. But, in case you didn't notice, McGee stayed in the game, He kept working, even handled the meeting with Vance without a hitch." Gibbs reminded Tony.

"That's exactly my point, Boss. Since when does Probie pull off acting like everything's okay when it's not? When did he get good at that?" Tony asked.

"From watching you do it for the past 6 years, DiNozzo." Gibbs responded dryly, unable to keep the hint of sadness out of his voice that his boys felt they needed to handle themselves this way. Truth be told, Gibbs knew he only had himself to blame. He'd carried himself in such a standoffish manner for so long, it was producing serious long term effects on his agents.

"Yeah. Ok. I get it." Tony said

"I'm still not seeing what has you so worked up, DiNozzo." Gibbs pushed in a now quieter tone of voice.

"You don't?" Tony asked incredulously..

"Nope. Afraid you'll have to paint the picture with a little more than what you've told me so far, DiNozzo." Gibbs told him.

"Okay. I can do that. You take what happened with 'Amanda', and I'm not just talkin' bout yesterday, Boss. I'm talkin the whole 'fallin' for her' thing and believe me he fell for her fast and hard, Boss. Probie hasn't even dated or even brought up the name of a date in like forever, so this had to have been really serious, Boss.

"Got that much figured out, already, DiNozzo, move on." Gibbs said with impatience.

"Okay. Then you add how he's been acting since yesterday morning when he almost got killed." Tony took a deep breath and suddenly felt dizzy. _Probie almost didn't come back to work yesterday. He almost lost his life yesterday. Why was this just hitting him now? Oh, jeez!_

"TONY!" Gibbs snapped him back to the here and now with his trademark bark.

"Huh? Oh. Sorry, Boss." Tony said with a lot less volume than he'd been using a minute ago.

"Tony, He's still with us. Stop with this freaking out and get back to what's got you thinking something's wrong with him." Gibbs firmly directed.

"Right. Yeah. okay. So, then we add him running himself into exhaustion." Tony supplied as he picked up where he'd strayed from their conversation.

"Wrong, DiNozzo." Gibbs came back. "You've got that one backwards. He's been exhausted since before he came to work this morning. He just chose to run until his body finally gave into it enough that he could actually sleep. There's a difference. One that actually sounds like he's thinking pretty clearly, to me."

"Right. Well, I guess it does make it a little less of a problem." Tony admitted.

"That all you got?" Gibbs asked, beginning to feel better, since it appeared Tony didn't have anything extremely concerning to share regarding McGee.

"Well, no. now, you have to add the fact that he gave Jethro away and didn't tell any of us." Tony said. "But, that's after you throw in the fact that he hasn't said anything about his private life in a really long time. And we know he didn't tell Abby about givng the dog away, cause we'd a heard about it from her first if he had."

"McGee's not you, DiNozzo. He's never been big on talking about his private life." Gibbs reminded his Senior Field Agent. "Normallly, you're the one bullying him into admitting anything about it. He only does that so you'll shut up."

"Right. I know, Boss, but you can't seriously tell me that you're not worried about him. Well, except for the fact that you don't do 'worrying' and all that."

"Tony. It's great that you're tryin to look out for him. But, unless you've got something else to add, I don't see anything seriously wrong with what you've put together." Gibbs told him.

"But,..."

"But, I'll admit, it does bear keeping an eye on him, in case something is going on we need to be aware of." Gibbs finished.

"There is more." Tony said quietly.

"What more do you have?" Gibbs asked patiently, feeling almost completely relieved it hadn't been more serious than McGee giving Jethro away. That was bad enough when you added it all together with where he'd rescued his agent from last night and the condition he'd been in. There was no reason to add that to Tony's concern. He was obviously upset enough and worried enough about McGee. It took a lot to get DiNozzo to admit to Gibbs that he was worried about someone; took a hell ova lot for him to seek Gibbs out to admit it; especially off the clock.

"I checked his cupboards and fridge on my way out, Boss." Tony admitted.

"DiNozzo!" Once again, Gibbs felt a flash of anger at the lengths of invading McGee's privacy his Senior Field Agent always seemed willing to go.

"Boss, I had a hunch; a strong one!" Tony once again took a stab at defending his actions.

"And?" Gibbs again refused to either excuse or criticise what Tony had done. The fact that he'd felt it important enough to check out raised Gibbs' alarm.

"My hunch was right. His apartment has no food, no drinks, nothing, Boss. Not even coffee, cereal or milk and we all know Probie likes coffee and his milk and cereal."

"You're telling me that there's not a speck of food in McGee's aparment?" Gibbs asked, unsure of what this meant, not even sure if it was something to worry about. This wasn't his field of expertise, but it didn't feel right to him. Somehow, this suddenly launched him onto DiNozzo's bandwagon. Picking up his cell phone before Tony had even answered the question, he hit a speed dial number and put it on speakerphone.

"Jethro, what can I do for you on this fine afternoon?" Ducky's enthrusiastic greeting came through the phone and almost brought a smile to Gibbs' face.

"Duck, I'm not interrupting anything am I" Gibbs asked politely.

"No, Jethro, in fact your call is a pleasant interruption into an otherwise boring afternoon." Ducky admitted.

"Duck, can I get you to come over here? Tony and I need to talk to you about something." Gibbs offered as a means to end the M.E.'s bordom and a way to talk about this and see Ducky's reactions as well as hear what he had to say.

"Certainly, Jethro. I shall see you in a bit." Ducky rang off.

"C'mon, DiNozzo, you can help me in the kitchen." Gibbs got up from his chair and headed into the house, determined to at least have fresh coffee for himself and hot tea for Ducky.

Tony followed Gibbs into the kitchen with something on his mind.

"Spit it out, DiNozzo." Gibbs directed.

"You know something more you're not telling me." Tony stated almost as an accusation.

"It's not my place to say anything, DiNozzo."

"Which is Gibbs speak for_ 'you're right'."_ Tony badgered.

"Let's just see what Ducky thinks, let him use that profiling Psychology he's studied to some good use for us." Gibbs encouraged, refusing to speak anymore about it.

"Yeah, okay." Tony gave in, knowing he was fighting a losing battle on this one.

* * *

Two hours later, Ducky, Gibbs and Tony had actually reached the same conclusion; although, Gibbs had more to be concerned about than he'd let on. Advising Tony to keep them informedof anything new that was cause for concern, , but to also keep things normal for McGee and the team, Gibbs then sent the younger man home to try to enjoy the rest of his weekend; along with the order that he work hard at that.

Once Tony had gone and Gibbs uncharactoristically locked his door behind him, he drew Ducky into the the living room, closing his back doors to block out the afternoon sun, he turned back into the room to hear Ducky's words.

"Jethro, what is it that you couldn't tell Anthonthy, but obviously need to share with me? You are worried about Timothy a lot more tha you wish for Anthony to realize. Why is that?

"Duck, how much do you know about the relationship 'Amanda' put McGee through before yesterday?" Gibbs asked.

"My dear fellow, you know Timothy does not share information about his personal life with me any more than he shares any of it with Anthony." Ducky answered.

"Somehow, I doubt it's that bad, Duck." Gibbs said with a grin. "Did you see him yesterday after he got to work?" Gibbs asked.

"No. As a matter of fact, I did not, although, I must admit, I certainly wanted to check on him and see how he was doing with everything that had happened."

"What about this morning?" Gibbs pushed.

"No, Jethro. Why don't you just tell me what it is that has you so worried?" Ducky asked in growing frustration.

"Keep in mind, Duck, I'm only telling you this so you can tell me if it's something to be concerned about." Gibbs warned.

"I understand, Jethro. You don't wish for this to be repeated. You know you do not have to ask that of me." Ducky said.

"Duck. What I'm about to tell you? I don't even think McGee remembers it." Gibbs tried to explain.

"Oh!"

As Gibbs told Ducky about the events of the previous night, Ducky began to show signs of concern.

"Well?" Gibbs asked when he'd told Ducky everything.

"Jethro, I am indeed concerned about Timothy. Especially when you add what Anthony has discovered along with both of your statements of the young man's demeanor both yesterday and today. He bears watching."

"Ok, Duck. What are we watching for?" Gibbs asked.

"Signs of sleep deprivation. Continued signs that he's not eating. Anthing that would normally cause you to be concerned. Just keep a closer eye on him and do not be as quick to shrug things off as you normally are, Jethro." Ducky advised.

"Okay, Duck. Thanks." Gibbs replied.

"I would hesitate to send him out into the field, Jethro." Ducky cautioned.

"Why? He hasn't shown any signs of needing to be chained to his desk. I would think getting him out there and doing something would help." Gibbs questioned.

"You may well be right, but do keep an eye on him." Ducky repeated his warning.

"Will do, Duck." Gibbs promised.

* * *

Ziva and Abby finished their lunch, went for a movie and and headed to Ziva's, with the intention of checking on McGee on their way. When they reached McGee's apartment, they knocked on his door and got no answer.

"Ziva, what if something's wrong?" Abby asked. I know we just saw him three hours ago when we all left work, but I'm worried about him. He wouldn't talk to any of us!"

"Abby, I realize you feel bad for the way you taunted him about dating Eric from the LA office, but that does not mean McGee would do anything to cause us to worry about him because of that." Ziva assured the goth. "In case you have not noticed, Abby, McGee has changed. He is more sure of himself now than he used to be."

"It's more than that, Ziva" Abby stated with conviction. She knew she couldn't betray Gibbs' instructions not to let anyone else on what amounted to Tim's private life. Gibbs had warned her of dire consequences if she disobeyed him. Abby didn't want to cause Tom, any more pain or humiliation anyway. So, she was stuck trying to convince Ziva without a word about the phone call she'd recieved last night or the one she'd had to make on Tim's behalf.

Ziva nodded in understanding as she silently set about using the spare key Tim had given her for emergencies to open the door. As they silently entered Tim's apartment and set about looking for signs of trouble, they found none. As Abby checked in Tim's room, she found him dead to the world on his bed, his clothes looking suspisciously like he'd gone running in them and his sneakers still on his feet. Since he looked so peaceful and so much like a little boy in dreamworld, Abby had no desire to wake him up. She backed away from his room and gestured for Ziva that he was aslee and they could leave now.

Just before, they reached the door, Abby's eyes noticed something wrong. As she turned to look around the apartment again, she thought her heart would stop. _Why hadn't she noticed this before? Why hadn't Ziva? Where was Jethro? Where the hell was all of his belongings?_

Forcing herself not to wake him up and demand answers, Abby put all of her resolve into getting out of there without further ado. Ziva looked at her with concern as they trudged back to Ziva's car.

"Abby? What is wrong? You said he was sleeping." Ziva asked.

"Didn't you notice anything wrong?" Abby demanded.

"Other than the fact that McGee's apartment is very quiet when he is asleep? No, Abby, I did not."

"Ziva! Why didn't Jethro make any noise? Where was he? He wasn't in McGee's room. His bed's gone, his food and water dishes are gone!"

"Abby, it is entirely possible that Jethro is staying at the kennel or with McGee's family. McGee is very good about making sure Jethro's bed and food dishes go with him, yes?" Ziva reminded her.

"Well, yeah. I guess you're right." Abby calmed down.

"I am. So, shall we continue with out plans for a relaxing weekend now that we see that McGee is fine?" Ziva questioned with hope.

"Sure, Ziva, let's go!" Abby gave back.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Delta Elite is a real club in D.C. The address and the reviews are real,  
All other names and places are strictly fictional and do not reflect anyone incidentally sharing the same name as those herein.  
Normal Disclaimer Applies: I do not own any part of NCIS or its' characters._

* * *

Tim felt like he'd slept his life away when he finally woke up, immediately looked at his watch and realized with shock that he'd just slept for seven hours. As he took the time to adjust himself to time and place, the silence of the apartment seemed to jump out at him; an oppressive blanket suddenly trying to smother his ability to breathe. Forcing himself to get up and get moving; while simultaneously forcing his mind not to even think about or cry over the decision he'd made to give Jethro up, Tim dug himself out some clean clothes and headed for the shower. Breathing deeply, he forced his mind to clear out. Keeping his mind deliberately blank and refusing to think about anything specific, he attempted to instead, mentally prepare himself for his escape tonight. He still didn't remember what had happened last night or how he'd gotten home and he didn't want that to happen again tonight. So, what did he need to do differently tonight?

Dragging his memory open, he thought back to last night. He remembered sitting down in the quiet corner of the place he'd chosen to escape to, having heard about it from also remembered ordering his pitcher of beer; had it been just one? After that, his memory was blank. The next thing he remembered was waking up in his own bed. It was too much emptiness to be comfortable with. In fact, that much unknown was downright worrisome. After all, he was a Federal Agent and he knew the dangers of letting this happen. The more he thought about it, the more lucky he felt that he had gotten home last night and with no body parts or money or even credit cards missing! Working for as many years as he had with Gibbs, prevented him from chalking it up to coincidence.

The one good thing about it had been the ability to get through the night just the way he'd needed to; completely unfeeling and unthinking; keeping it all at bay. It was time to do it again, since weekends were brutal when your heart was broken beyond repair and the root of the problem had been exposed and was now raw and being kept under wraps. How hard could it be, especially if he was willing to brave the headaches and being sick to his stomach, if it meant getting through the night?

No, instead of settling for the negative after-effects, he would figure out how to do this without the crappy stuff that had come with it. After all, he damn sure didn't want this to affect his job and he was damn lucky it hadn't done so today. Needing to escape to the men's room had been bad enough, especially when Gibbs had followed him, sought him out and tried to get him to talk about it.

This time, he'd have to do it a little different, especially if his suspicions were right and Gibbs had some how found him out last night. Tim definitely didn't want a repeat of that,

Shaking his head to clear it from any thoughts; Tim finished getting ready to go out. After all, what else were Saturday nights good for, if not for going out? He was actually looking forward to this.

* * *

Seven PM Saturday night found Gibbs trying to relax with a book, but instead of seeing the typed words on the pages in front of him, his mind kept replaying the events of the night before in vivid clarity, starting with the phone call from Abby.

_**Flashback**_

_"This had better be a matter of life or death"  
_"_Hey, it's Abby. I need your help with something."  
"Abby, is this important? It damn well better be at this hour!"  
"Well, yeah, Gibbs it is or I wouldn't be callin' you so late, you should know that! You remember my friend Dan who works at Delta Elite?"  
"The bartender at that gay bar in here in DC?"  
Yeah, in that out of the way neighborhood on 10th Ave. NE. Remember, I took all of you there so you could meet him. So he would know who to call if he had any trouble.  
"Yeah, Abby. I remember. What about him has you calling so late?"  
"I just got a call from him. McGee's there! Abby cried in despair  
"What?"  
Gibbs! Dan said he's plastered!"  
"Abby, this isn't funny!"  
"Gibbs! Timmy's NOT a drinker! And he's so not gay! What the hell would he be doin' there?" Abby demanded.  
"I have no idea, Abby." Gibbs admitted, his voice unsteady with shock.  
"You have to go get him, Gibbs! I'm too far away right now and he needs someone to go get him, right now, before something bad happens to him!" Abby was begging now.  
"I'm going. I'm leavin' right now, tell me again, how to find the place." Gibbs reassured her.  
"You are? Oh, thank God!" Abby threw out in relief.  
"Did you really think I wouldn't?" Gibbs asked in disbelief.  
"It is a gay bar, Gibbs. I wasn't sure you'd be willing to go when it's bound to be really crowded." Abby reasoned.  
"Abby, it's not like I'm gonna leave him there if he's too drunk for them to just call him a cab!"  
"Gibbs!."  
"You have a problem with me going to get him now?" Gibbs asked in aggravation as he got in his car, started it up, and headed to the bar in question.  
"I have a problem with you going to get him, if you're only doing it because he can't call a cab for himself!" Abby protested.  
"Not what I meant, Abby. Relax! I'm going to get him." Gibbs told her.  
"Good. Thank you, Gibbs. I knew I could count on you. Knew Timmy could, too, even if he doesn't think so." Abby absently let the words slip as she lost her concentration while thinking about her concern for Tim._

_Abby's startling confession on Tim's behalf hit Gibbs like a ton of bricks as he disconnected the call and pocketed his phone. He forced himself to save that fight for later. Right now he had an agent to rescue from what Gibbs knew from personal experience, was the road to self-destruction. He, himself had been rescued from just such a place, a long time ago. Unwilling to let his mind go back there, he thought back to six months ago, when Abby took them to this place. He recalled some of what she'd said about it as a way of preparing them ahead of time:_

_This place is in the cut(hard to find) and the women are rough.  
Fights do occur sometimes and the cover charge is a little steep.  
This is the place to be to dance your cares away.  
Old House Music on one level and Hip Hop on the lower level. High Energy!  
Be careful in the neighborhood though.  
Eye candy galore!_

_As Gibbs walked into the bar, after showing his badge and id at the door and let them know he was there on business, he walked directly up to the bar; trying to adjust his ears to the incredibly loud music; suddenly experiencing a newfound respect for Abby's ability to work with blaring music. As he asked for Abby's friend, Dan, the man in question immediately came out from behind the bar. Dan shook Gibbs' hand and renewed their acquaintance as he led the Agent he'd only met once before but had heard a mountain of good things about, to a table in a far corner and pointed to the slumped over form of his now passed out agent. _

_Thanking Dan, he handed the man his card and requested that if any of his agents ever did this again, to call him instead of Abby. Dan smiled in appreciation for the man's sense of responsibility to his agents and pocketed the card. Offering to help Gibbs get Tim up, he was surprised when the man politely refused, stating that he'd handle Tim. Dan had smiled and went back to work, watching from behind the bar as the scene played out._

_Gibbs prodded Tim awake and made him put some effort into getting out to the car. After that, Gibbs left him to sleep as he drove him all the way home. It was true enough that Gibbs that could have just taken him to his own house and made him crash on the couch; God knows, it would have gotten Gibbs back to bed a hell ova lot sooner. But, somehow, Gibbs got the feeling that Tim waking up completely disorientated to where he was as well as the hangover, he'd no doubt be experiencing, would be too much for his computer brain to take in or accept._

_The thirty minute drive to Tim's apartment was made in complete silence, as Tim continued to sleep off his drunken state, but it gave the boss time to think and try to process what he was witnessing here tonight. He'd watched this man, currently passed out in the seat next to him, grow and mature and find his feet while carving his niche on the team over the last six years. Sure, it had been a long, tough road for him, especially given the incredible leeway Gibbs had given Tony when it came to hazing, harassing and initiating him. There were plenty of times Gibbs regretted not stepping in and indeed wished he'd at least told Tim as much, but the guy had steadily stayed with it and kept coming back, even managing to finally start giving back as badly as he was taking it, so Gibbs had taken the easy way out and left things alone._

_Tim had done a remarkable job at learning to hide his frustration, at least from Gibbs. But, in the times of extreme situations, like serious bouts with poison ivy, getting tasered, shooting Benedict, losing Erin on his first solo case, being held hostage in the woman's prison and even getting attacked by Jethro; this kid had actually tried to let Gibbs see the truth behind the self-erected walls. Gibbs had routinely responded by merely asking him if he was okay and leaving it at that; knowing Tim would tell him that he was okay, even when it was obvious he wasn't._

_Looking over at Tim now, Gibbs couldn't find it within himself to be even the slightest bit angry at him; not because he didn't care about him, but because he did. Gibbs knew that when Tim was beaten, he stopped hiding how he felt. Sure, his eyes had always been the window to his soul, ever since they'd first worked with him up in Norfolk. But, Tim had learned the fine art of applying shutters to those eyes and had gotten really good at using those shutters, especially where Gibbs was concerned. Gibbs hoped things would change for the better in the complex relationship that was his and Tim's. It was obvious Tim needed someone to talk to and hopefully, they could start to bring about changes with that._

_After Gibbs got Tim up to his apartment and settled into his bed, the older man set things beside Tim's bed that the young man would need in the morning. Looking him over one last time, Gibbs sent up a silent thanks that nothing bad had happened to him tonight and a hope that Tim would let someone in before it was too late._

_**End Flashback**_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Characters within aren't perfectly portrayed. Do not expect perfection.  
__Enjoy!_

* * *

The shrill alarm sounded in his sleep, disturbing the peace he'd finally found. As he struggled to wakefulness enough to grope for the phone, he growled in frustration. Snapping it open, he barked at the unfortunate caller on the other end:

"THIS HAD BETTER BE LIFE OR DEATH!"

_"Agent Gibbs? It's Mark Cline, down at The Pit."_ the apologetic voice greeted Gibbs' ears.

"Mark, what's wrong? I haven't heard from you since the last time you had problems with some sailors mixing it up in your bar."

_"I wish that was the reason I was calling you now, Agent Gibbs."_ the young man offered.

"What's the problem?" Gibbs asked not completely hiding his frustration; after all it was; what the hell time was it, any damn way?

_"Got one of your guys in here and he's pretty sloshed. Close to passing out, sloshed."_ Mark warned.

"Got his name?"

_"No, he's paying in cash and he's not talkin to any of my people. Put in an open drink order when he first got here and that's all we've heard outta him all night."_

"Flirting with all the women?"

_"No. He hasn't left his seat all night. "He's been here since 7. At least he had sense enough to eat some dinner before he started this binge."_

_Oh, McGee!_ 'Is he causing a problem, now?" Gibbs asked as he walked out to his car and headed toward the bar in question.

_"No, but this place is so crowded, I can't watch out for him and run the place, too. I would hate for anything, well..."_

"Got it., Mark, I'll be there in a few. You just make sure nobody messes with him. I'll take care of him when I get there. Thanks for giving me the heads up." Gibbs gave out.

Once again, Gibbs soon found himself driving to a bar and prodding his drunkenly sleeping agent awake enough to get out to the car and once again, he found himself driving the young man home. But, this time, Gibbs had no intention of driving him all the way back to Silver Spring. No, this time, Gibbs didn't care how disorientated Tim was when he woke up; he needed someone to be there for him when he did join the land of the living; before it was too late.

The young man beside him dealt with things differently than he and Tony or even Ziva did. This made it difficult for Gibbs to relate to him and Gibbs had begun to see evidence that this had somehow been interpreted to mean that Gibbs didn't care about Tim or worry about him as much as he did Tony. No matter how long he'd been on the team. Tim McGee's sensitive soul and penchant for believing the worst of himself always remained a fixture on the landscape of who the young man was on the inside.

Gibbs knew that. He also knew that whatever was driving him to do this could cause unfathomable damage, not just to Tim's self-esteem, which had taken forever to rise up out of the ashes of a puberty spent dealing with bullies while being a child genius; but also to the young man's ability to see clearly exactly how the team perceived him and his place in their midst.

The fact that Gibbs encouraged perpetrating the brave fronts and the walls and the less than honest answers, all in the name of staying strong and tough and never letting the real you out; did nothing but make him feel guilty as hell right about now. That guilt had stayed with him. It nestled in his mind where it constantly reminded him of the need to handle Tim differently, even as the young man's maturity had risen and brought about changes in his agent.

Wondering if any of this had to do with the road McGee was now traveling, and thinking back over where this young man had come from in his life; what it had taken him to get to Gibbs' team, and how much he'd grown since then, kept Gibbs awake for the remainder of the night; even after he managed to put McGee to bed on the couch. As he had the night before, Gibbs set things out that the kid would need in the morning. But, this time, instead of leaving him to his own devices, Gibbs sat watch over him; mentally willing the answers to his questions to become obvious.

All too soon, morning had arrived and with it came wakefulness for Tim. As he found consciousness, his body refused to move; only allowing his eyes to open. The unfamiliar feel of the couch he was laying on, along with the unusual way the morning light was striking his face even through his closed eyes, soon had him drawn into a panic. As he struggled to breathe, a firm, calming, familiar hand silently landed on his shoulder from out of nowhere; applying pressure enough to rein him in. Okay, he was with someone who wasn't gonna hurt him. Where the hell was he?

"McGee. relax. You're okay." Gibbs' soothing voice penetrated the young man's racing thoughts and worked its way through the panic, effectively calming his breathing along the way.

After several tensely silent minutes, Gibbs ventured to ask: "Okay now?"

Although, Tim had no desire to answer the question; he had even less desire to be rude to Gibbs; of all people. "Yeah." He managed to answer as he slid his eyes over to those of his obviously concerned boss. He hadn't quite managed to hide his underlying emotions from his tone; after all, he was out of practice at it; not to mention just waking up. He realized that when Gibbs's eyebrows lifted in his silent challenge, letting Tim knew that Gibbs did read people just as well now, as he ever had and the man was well aware that Tim wasn't being completely honest.

"How do you really feel?" Gibbs asked.

"Okay. That'll probably change as soon as I move, though." Tim admitted.

"You're probably right. Why don't you try to get some more sleep.?" Gibbs encouraged.

"Yeah. I think I will. Thanks, Boss. Sorry you got dragged into this."

"Go back to sleep, Tim. We'll talk about it later." Gibbs directed quietly.

Tim closed his eyes and let his mind and body do just that. As he drifted back toward sleep, his thoughts quietly escaped on a whisper "so sorry, Boss."

Gibbs looked at him with concern.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: No perfect characters here.  
Long chapter; but there was no better place to stop it.  
Enjoy!__

* * *

__Hey, Timmy. Let's get together for dinner after work."  
"I really enjoy being with you. We could really make this work."_  
"_Drinking the motivational Kool-Aid."  
"SelfHelpless"  
"Is she a red-head?"  
"Pulling a page from the Gibbs Playbook."  
"Where is Kai, Tim?"  
"Where is she? I have to know!"  
"Tell me right now where you think Kai is, or I swear . . . ."_

_"Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be pre-determined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny."_

_"Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men, and dies as a single one."_

_"Maybe I'll join a monastery!"_

Tim awoke with a start as the statements and painful words wrapped up in memories, coursed through his mind even in his sleep. He found himself alone in Gibbs' living room now. Slowly getting up, as to not upset his stomach or set his head to pounding; he managed to get to his feet and find the bathroom. Once he had finished in the bathroom, somehow, managing not to be sick to his stomach; he silently scoured the house for Gibbs. Eventually, he located his boss, sleeping in his bed.

Retracing his steps silently on sock shod feet, Tim quietly got dressed, left Gibbs a note and headed out. He'd call a cab to the bar and pick up his car and go home. Facing Gibbs was _not_ something he could handle any time soon. As he slid into his own bed almost two hours later; Tim breathed a sigh of relief. _Mission accomplished. Yea._

* * *

Gibbs awoke to the smell of fresh coffee permeating his house and the sense that something was wrong twisting his gut. _Tim!_ Quickly, Gibbs threw on his clothes and almost ran down the stairs, anxious to make sure his gut was just over-reacting. No such luck! The couch was empty; the fresh coffee was made and a note lay on the kitchen table in Tim's perfect writing.

_Boss:_

_Sorry to be so much trouble  
Thank you for being there.  
I appreciate you letting me crash on your couch.  
Taking a cab to get my car. Going home to sleep.  
I'll try not to wind up on your doorstep uninvited again. ---- McGee._

* * *

Gibbs tried to call Tim and it went straight to voicemail. Well, that didn't guarantee that he was home safe and sound. Looking at his watch, he was thankful it was after nine; a decent enough hour to be calling people on their day off. Normally, Gibbs didn't concern himself about things like that; but his team deserved their rest and he was reluctant to intrude on it. But, this was important and he knew that Ziva wouldn't mind checking on Tim. But, then again, did he really want to involve the team in what was such a personal situation for McGee?"

_No. I'll do it. McGee would be mortified if this got around._ Gibbs reminded himself as he drank his first cup of coffee and prepared one for the road; heading out shortly thereafter, in the direction of Tim's apartment. Thirty minutes later found Gibbs looking at Tim's car in the apartment complex parking lot, safe and unscratched. Watching from a distance, he saw his agent come out of the apartment building . Not wanting to stalk the guy; Gibbs waited in the apartment parking lot for him to return. Thirty minutes later, he got his wish, as Tim returned to the building safe and sound. Gibbs breathed out a sigh of relief and turned his car back on and headed home.

It wasn't the right time to push Tim to talk. If he'd wanted to confide in Gibbs, he would have stayed at his house; not make this mad dash for home as soon as he could. What had become apparent in hindsight was how little Tim had allowed his team to see of himself.

This 'Amanda' person had taken him for an emotional roller coaster ride and apparently, Tim was still suffering the after effects from it. But, she had done more than that; she had damn near taken his agent's life in pursuit of her own agenda and Gibbs could see how this must be wreaking havoc on Tim.

Surprisingly enough on the day in question, Tim had taken it on the chin, bounced back and kept right on working until the day was done. He'd had been silently proud of the guy; proud as hell to see the youngest team member growing up. Admittedly, the guy had grown up quite some time ago, but it was only recently being acknowledged and respected by the team, himself included. Seeing Tim continue to rise to the occasion had been great. What he had been seeing since then brought his own blaise' attitude toward the whole situation down on his head like a gulliotine.

* * *

Tim managed to get through the rest of the day the hard way; he went running; ran himself ragged; so ragged he could barely breathe much less think. As soon as he returned to his apartment, he flopped down on his bed; sinking into an exhausted slumber that gratefully got him uneventfully through the night.

Sunday morning came bright and early. Tim refused to get out of bed; refused to even let any clear thought enter his head. Like the spineless jellyfish he so desperately wished he could be at the moment, he lay there, waiting for the long boring day to pass him by so he could go to work.

_Work! That was the ticket_. With a renewed purpose, he finally dragged himself out of bed and got dressed for the office. Thirty minutes later found him almost cheerfully plugging away at some cold cases on his desk. Everyone was always bragging how Tony was always here working in his off hours; so he didn't see why they'd have a problem with him doing it for once. He certainly hoped not.

Soon, he was lost in the work, not giving himself a moment to think beyond the work he had in front of him and before he knew it, it was late enough and he felt the exhaustion begin to set in enough, he felt confident he could sleep once he got home.

Just to be on the safe side, he made a pit stop on the way home at a place he'd never before shopped and calmly carried his never before purchased for home consumption item up to his apartment. He almost felt like a teenager sneaking it into the house! Tim found himself, once again, too keyed up to sleep; the exhaustion somehow leaving him ready to spit nails. _Oh, well, that's what the stop at the liquer store had been for, anyway, right?_

Getting up and going to the fridge, Tim grabbed the beer and set it on the floor by the couch, turned on the television, set his alarm on his phone, and set about drinking himself to sleep as he mindlessly kept his unfocused eyes in the direction of the television, when they weren't closed in sleep or drunken oblivion.

Waking up on Monday morning, bright and early; early enough for a shower, was really tough. But, given the fact that he'd found a way to stay away from things best left alone; Tim was satisfied at the way he'd discovered to handle this. This way, there'd be no more being rescued from the bar. He wouldn't have to worry about having to sit among the crowds he was trying to avoid. Yeah, getting plastered at home was turning out to be the best choice he'd come up with. Who knew, maybe someday it wouldn't be such a pain to let his thoughts roam free again. But, for now; they'd have to stay locked up behind the walls. Alcohol seemed to be a real good stopper. Why mess with what was working for him?

Gibbs had gone by Tim's on Sunday, after not getting any phone calls about him needing to be rescued from any more bars. His car had been there at nine in the morning, so Gibbs had left him alone; figuring the guy was okay and had somehow managed to get through the rest of Saturday and early Sunday without a problem.

Monday morning found Gibbs walking into work earlier than usual. As he cleared the security entrance, the regular guard there approached him. "Agent Gibbs, I didn't think your team had an open case this weekend."

"We didn't, Stan. Why?"

"Agent McGee was here all day Sunday from ten til almost nine."

"Thanks for the heads up, Stan."

As he approached the squad room, he wasn't surprised to find Tim already at his desk, working. Wanting to check on him up close; he made no hesitations in walking up to the young man's desk.

"McGee."

"Hey, Boss." Tim' s tone was quiet and embarrassed. After all, they hadn't spoken since Tim had split from Gibbs' house Saturday morning.

As far as Gibbs was concerned, what had happened on Saturday morning was a non-issue; at least while they were at work. He was definately going to address it with his agent soon. But, it played no part in what he wanted Tim to see from him now.

"Everything all right?" Gibbs asked, while making no attempt to hide the tone that demanded honesty or the concern in his eyes.

"Everything's fine. Thanks." Tim's answer was too perfect and too fast, but Gibbs let it go for now. He'd watch him more carefully from across the room, not let him feel so much like he was under a microscope.

"Okay."

As the others came in, they glanced at McGee and quietly took to their own desks and got to work; in a much quieter atmosphere than they were used to. They'd sensed that all was still not well with McGee and didn't want to make the bad situation worse.

The week wore on, with no open case and no improvement in McGee's demeanor. If anything, he looked more bedraggled and sleep deprived as the week wore on. His work didn't suffer and no incidents arose out of the ordinary although there was no change in McGee's avoidance of Abby either.

By Wednesday, Gibbs had enough bad feeling churning in his gut regarding McGee,to pay Ducky a visit. After talking with the M.E. Gibbs felt marginally better and remained determined to keep an eye on his agent. Something was brewing, Ducky had warned. Somehow, Gibbs knew the M.E. was right. He wanted to be ready for it.

Thursday; almost exactly two weeks since McGee had almost been shot by 'Amanda"; he was still dragging himself into work every day after drinking himself to sleep the night before. The fact that he wasn't supposed to be drinking like this on week nights in case they got a late night call; had completely escaped him long about Sunday evening when he'd stopped at the store the first time.

The long hot showers in the mornings had been lifesavers; taking most of the hung-over, drunk look away and letting him appear, for the most part, normally fit and ready for work. It was the minor part that escaped the hot shower fix that was keeping Gibbs' eye on him, and even Tony's and Ziva's as well.

The exhaustion showing in his eyes was getting worse every day. He'd noticibly lost weight in the last two weeks and no one had seen him eating a decent meal in the last two weeks either. He didn't speak unless spoken to, and he didn't leave his desk at all, unless he had to for a cold case he was working on.

Through it all, Gibbs kept a silent eye on him. He knew that to push McGee to talk before he was ready would only backfire; send the young man scrambling in the opposite direction; possibly with more dire consequences than the minor yet troubling ones they were seeing now.

On this day, however, something was telling Gibbs' gut that the time for watching from the sidelines while Tim handled this himself, was over. Tim needed direct help he wasn't asking for. As Gibbs allowed them all to go home early, he deliberately requested a last minute task for Tim and even though the young man didn't bat an eye about it; the frustration radiating off of him was almost palpable.

Gibbs quickly left for the night; determined to see what Tim was doing with his nights, as best he could; his gut churning; telling him that whatever it was; wasn't good and needed to be stopped. Gibbs sat in the garage in his car parked where he could plainly see his agent up close; but not be seen; He waited for Tim to come out and he wasn't disappointed when he only had to wait a mere 10 minutes before the young man made his appearance. He didn't like what he saw.

Parked where he was, Gibbs was able to look him over closely. The young man was obviously shedding his at work caution and letting himself breathe and unshutter his emotions; or at least his eyes. McGee's eyes were full of pain and anxiety. His movements were quck and uncoordinated and his hands were shaking as he opened his car door.

His driving seemed to be okay, Gibbs noted from several car lengths behind him. Fully expecting the young man to head out to a bar; he was shocked when the young man, instead; stopped at a liquer store. A mere two minutes later, McGee came back out with a sack in his hand; his fingers wrapped around the handles. Stowing it carefully in his front seat; McGee then drove himself home.

Tim decided that beer was beginning to take to long to wear him down and send him onto that path of peaceful numbness that immediately led into undisturbed sleep at night. So, as he perused the isles of the store, he grabbed the first thing he thought of to help things along; _Vodka! Yeah, that's got kick to it; God knows, the smell almost knocked him off his feet! That would work for sure_!

_That's why there've been no more calls from bars. He's taken to drinking at home_. Gibbs said to himself. The nagging feeling was still plaguing him and so with a feeling of dread filling his stomach, Gibbs shadowed McGee to his apartment.

Tim forced himself to concentrate on what few tasks he needed to do before he could seek his asylm. He quickly got them accomplished; his clothes changed; his alarm set and last but not least; everything he needed, set beside him near the couch; within reach of his favorite zoning out position; stretched all the way out on the couch, on his back.

As Gibbs sat parked outside Tim's building and played protection detail; McGee soon came back out of his apartment and headed out for what appeared to be a run. After what seemed like the longest 30 minutes of Gibbs' life; Tim reappeared; worn out and soaking with perspiration, and went back inside.

Tim showered and now comfortably dressed to relax; remembered at the last minute, that tonight, his drinks would be mixed. He drug himself back up off the couch and retrieved a pticher; and began pre-mixing his swill of choice for the night. As he turned on the fan over the stove to help with the smell; he soon had what was now his normal four beers for the night mixed with a good third of the bottle of vodka; and after putting the rest away; headed back over to the couch and once again got comfortable.

Gibbs settled down to wait. He knew that if the problem needed to be addressed; it needed to be caught in midstream. He gave Tim an hour before he got out of his car and headed up to the young man's apartment to check on him.

By the time the first two mixed drinks had been drunk, Tim was quite sure there would be no more of them getting drunk tonight. His stomach was alreaady in an uproar and he was no closer to his sought after escape than when he'd first started drinking tonight.

In fact; all he'd succeeded in doing this time, was the complete opposite of what he'd been trying so damn hard to do for two weeks straight now! The lid was ripping off what he'd fought so hard to keep locked up; knowing the moment he'd let it all out; he'd once again be reaching for his weapon. Something he hadn't done since, well it had been some time. Struggling to his feet from his place on the couch; the tears beginning to flow as his thoughts and memories ran amuck through the now unlocked door of his mind; Tim felt his chin tremble and he let the tears slip down his face.

For the first time since this had all began two weeks ago, he knew he wasn't gonna be able to keep from thinking about it anymore. It didn't matter how hard he'd tried not to, he no longer had a choice. Once that door was open; there was no closing it back up. 'Amanda' had been the latest in a line of women who had taken everything he was, ripped it out of him and thrown it away like trash. Rejected; Abby; the cheerleader; the credit card thief; Cluxton; to name a few; the deaths of so many people still on his conscience; Erin, Kate; Paula, Benedict; the innocent victims of his crazed book fan; Landon; all of it leading to one rock bottom conclusion.

Tim cried out and dropped to his knees, shuddering with emotion, tears pouring down his face as he mentally clutched desperately at the desire to end it all; to pick up his gun, put it to his temple and blow his brains out. This had been so very long in coming there seemed to be no way to stop it and no end in sight. As the storm raged; the same two questions seemed to endlessly toss on those waves crashing though his mind: _Nobody wanted him. What was the use?_

Gibbs had just reached Tim's door when he'd heard Tim's cry and the banging of his body hitting the floor. Quickly and with his heart in his throat, Gibbs used the spare Tim had given him for emergencies and got himself inside; fearing for the young man's safety. What Gibbs found when he stepped inside the apartment brought him up short and broke his heart.

Tim was so lost in his emotional storm finally out of its confining space and raging free; He never heard the door to his apartment being unlocked; never even felt the presence of someone suddenly there with him;

The parental lion within Gibbs silently roared and he quickly sat down on the floor beside his heartbroken agent and scooped him up into his arms.

Lost in it all, Tim was unaware of someone sitting down next to him and manovering him up off the floor enough to envelope him in strong supportive arms that sought only to comfort him through his abject misery. Tim remained buried under it all. Suddenly, Tim had something to cling to; so, desperately he clung. The drowning man had found a life preserver and was holding on to it for dear life

Gibbs slowly beginning to rock him in an attempt to comfort him. The desperation and strength in Tim's clinging hands as they found Gibbs' arms and attached themselves to them, spoke volumes of the depths from which this storm was coming. Tim cried for the broken man that he knew he was; for the man he knew he would never be and the choices he knew he would never get to make; but most of all; he cried for the dreams he would never see fulfilled.

And as the life preserver began to rock Tim; as if he were a child; his emotional turmoil being addressed, soon became shoved onto the back burner as the physical turmoil in his stomach grabbed hold with a painfully harsh reality.

"Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick!" He muttered as he awkwardly scrambled to his feet and made a mad dash for his bathroom; praying he'd get there in time.

* * *

As Gibbs followed him into the bathroom his eyes took in the appearance of the younger man now clinging to the porcelain god and leaning over it. Tim's hair was by now, plastered to his forehead and the smell of beer mixed with vodka was horrendous. "Aw hell, McGee" Gibbs sighed as crouched down and brushed the younger man's hair out of his eyes. "Why didn't you come to me?"

Tim couldn't keep the relief away as he leant into Gibb's strong supportive hands that gripped his shoulders with strength mixed with concern. He always felt protected and safe around the older man, but until now, it had always been from a distance; never feeling comfortable showing it or even thanking him for it. But, now he couldn't even find enough energy to answer the man. Letting go the reins he'd been holding for so long, Tim just closed his eyes and let Gibbs take charge.

"Come on, lets get you cleaned up" Gibbs said as he pulled Tim up from his position on the floor. Flushing the toilet and pulling the lid down, Gibbs gently sat Tim on top. Grabbing a wash cloth from the sink and soaking it in warm water, Gibbs then proceeded to wash the younger mans face. Leaning over, he used one hand to turn the shower on and the other to hold Tim up. Next, he propelled McGee to stand up. Making sure Tim could stand on his own two feet; Gibbs directed him to get in the shower and warned him, he'd be right back.

Mindlessly, following Gibbs' order, Tim robotically undressed and stepped under the shower. standing stock still as the hot water washed away his tears and numbness both; as well as the stink of his failed attempt to get drunk.

Gibbs was soon back, knocking on the bathroom door and opening it just enough to toss a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt onto the closed toilet lid; where he'd already laid a clean towel a minute ago; telling Tim to get out now and dry off and get dressed. Gibbs knew Tim was still fairly out of it and needed to be guided as a youngster in shock might need.

Unsurprisingly, Tim was out of the shower, dried off and dressed in short order; opening the door for Gibbs in less than three minutes. Once he had the door open, however, it was like his mind shut down on him and he remained stuck to the floor where he stood.

Gibbs reached out and took him by the shoulder, gently propelling him out of the bathroom. Tim ignored everything apart from Gibbs. Just having Gibbs here for him was enough to keep the pain and thoughts from coming back; although they now simmered just beneath the surface.

Gibbs looked at Tim and saw the exhaustion that radiated off him and sighed. Apparently, letting Tim work through this in his own way hadn't been his best idea. Whatever it was that was plaguing his agent was obviously much worse than Gibbs had realized. This was definately more than 'Amanda's stunt. But, there would be time enough to get to the bottom of this tomorrow. Right now, McGee needed sleep.

It was absolutely heartbreaking to see the normally happy, unflappable young man so downtrodden and obviously genuinely miserable. Right now he could see that the best thing for Tim was the sleep he obviously had not been getting. The poor guy looked almost as bad as Tony had during his recuperation from the plague.

"Right McGee let's get you in bed"

Without thinking Tim whispered "Just let me end it all, please?"

Gibbs froze as did Tim once he realized what he'd said. Gibbs felt a cold ball of dread settle in the pit of his stomach as realized what Tim had just admitted. For the first time in a very long time, Gibbs was at a loss as to what to say or do.

"Boss, I'm sorry. Can we pretend I didn't say that" Tim asked quietly, eyes now firmly fixed on the floor and face devoid of color.

"That depends, Tim" Gibbs' quiet tone striving to hide the fact that Tim had just shaken him up.

"On, what, Boss?" Tim asked timidly.

"On whether or not you meant it" said Gibbs carefully.

Pain filled eyes came up off the floor to meet blue eyes filled with concern. No words were needed. Tim couldn't bring himself to say the words. Gibbs read in between the silence and the eyes that now locked on his own, as if willing Gibbs to see the truth without forcing Tim to say the words.

Giving a small frown Gibbs tucked his finger under Tim's chin, "We have a serious problem, Tim."


	8. Chapter 8

_Giving a small frown Gibbs tucked his finger under Tim's chin, "We have a serious problem, Tim."_

* * *

Tim's mind was racing; Gibbs wouldn't possibly let this go. His secret was out. _Great, now, you've done it. You've shown him what a weakling you still are. What a dumbass thing to do! Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut? _Tim's mind screamed at him.

Gibbs could see, as Tim once again averted his eyes, the different emotions that flickered on the younger man's face, the self deprecation and loathing; the pain and resignation.

"Hey" Gibbs said, gently propelling Tim toward his room once again, "we'll sort it out in the morning ok?

"Yeah." Tim responded, relief obvious in his tone.

Gibbs walked with Tim into the bedroom, where Tim sat himself down on the bed.

"I'm gonna get some sleep, Boss" he said quietly. "You don't have to stay. I won't do anything stupid." his tone letting it be known that he didn't expect to rate Gibbs' caring enough to see him through the night.

Gibbs stared. "That's good, McGee. But, I'm still not leaving" he said firmly. "I'll sleep on the couch.

"Really Boss, I'm okay. You don't have to baby sit me. I promise" Tim pushed; needing to hear that Gibbs was staying because he wanted to; not because he felt obligated.

"McGee. I believe you, but don't argue with me." Gibbs commanded quietly; knowing that if the young man was feeling fragile enough to blurt out what he'd obviously been holding in and thinking about, he most definitely didn't need anyone barking at him about any of it.

"I just need a blanket." Gibbs told him with an encouraging smile.

"Okay." Tim said grabbing one off the bed. The fact that his agent's voice hadn't risen above the near whisper and his eyes wouldn't come up off the floor unless Gibbs ordered it, didn't escape the older man's eagle vision; currently watching the young man with growing concern.

"You won't get cold?" said Gibbs as his eyes took in the now almost bare bed.

"I'll be fine Boss; it's the least I could do considering you're having to sleep on my couch"

"You're not making me do anything I don't want to do. Stop worrying" said Gibbs, hoping Tim would handle his quietly spoken directions as well he usually took his barked ones. "Now go to bed" he directed.

"Okay, Boss. Let me know if you need anything. Coffee and filters are in the first cupboard closest to the sink."

"Thanks, Tim. G'night." replied Gibbs walking towards the door. "Oh and Tim?" pausing on his way out "We are talking about everything in the morning, got it?"

"Yeah." Tim said in that same whispered tone but this time, Gibbs could have sworn he'd heard the young man's voice break.

Gibbs turned and made his way out of Tim's bedroom and walked towards the living room. Thinking about Tim and the past two weeks bought a frown to Gibb's face. This situation with this assassin/fake girlfriend was literally knocking Tim off his feet. The guy had been trying to hold it all inside for two weeks even while holding it together at work, seemingly without missing a beat; other than being more withdrawn than usual. His demeanor had been subdued and non responsive to what was going on around him, unless it was questions and leads regarding the case. The only other clue had been the way Tim had seriously avoided Abby. The guy had silently pled with Gibbs any time the boss had directed him to go to their Forensic Scientist for anything; letting Gibbs' ability to read his expressive eyes work for him, for a change.

Taking everything into consideration, Gibbs had given Tim the break on the situation with Abby; even though he had no idea what had fueled it to begin with. He figured the guy wouldn't even request special treatment unless it was something really serious. Now, he was glad he had followed his gut on that. Who knew how much closer to the edge, forcing Tim to handle something he'd begged off from, would have pushed the young man. Gibbs was especially grateful, he'd driven all the way to Tim's apartment, his twisting gut telling him there was no time to waste.

He'd even heard some stupid philosophy being carelessly spread around the agency that Gibbs only trusted Tony to have his back and that it was because Gibbs only thought of Tony as his surrogate son. When he'd heard that, Gibbs had wanted to snap some sense into the ignorant soul sprouting that nonsense. But, he'd immediately become concerned about the possibility of Tim hearing that garbage on top of everything else he was attempting to keep under wraps.

He hadn't seen the younger man this shaken since he'd accidentally killed that undercover Metro Detective, Benedict, a couple of years ago. And as badly as that had torn his agent apart; damn near completely; he'd still never seen him at this level. Tony had seen him at something close to this, Gibbs supposed.

His Senior Field Agent had relayed the conversation he'd had with Tim that had woken Tony up to some of the intricacies that made up who their Probie was; deep down where it mattered most; but where most never bothered to look. Hearing that Tim truly believed he didn't belong trying to be a field agent because his background was so different from the rest of them had made Gibbs' heart hurt for his youngest field agent . But, Tim had never spoken of it again, and Gibbs had let him handle it.

Sighing as he settled down on the couch, Gibbs was glad that he had spent a good deal of time observing his agents unawares. He prayed that the insight he'd gained on this young man over the years that he'd been on his team would enable him to help Tim through whatever had the guy upset enough to cause the reaction that he had been seeing lately.

Tim's computer brain and penchant for assigning himself blame and wearing it like a second skin would not make getting though this easy. But, at least Gibbs could see those roadblocks; knew they were coming. The ones he didn't see and couldn't prepare for were the ones Tim's thoughts had put up. The ones that were driving him to drink himself into a stuper every night just to numb himself from it all. Until he had a chance to talk to the young man, Gibbs would be clueless on that.

Staring up at the roof Gibbs thought over what Tim had said, _"Just let me end it all, please?"_

He knew that it wasn't going to be easy, that Tim definitely had issues that they needed to work through. Frowning again as he rolled over "Starting with his self-esteem" he thought aloud. Many things crossed Gibbs mind as he thought about what could have happened in Tim's life that had kept the young man a stammering, uncertain and insecure agent for over a year. Tim had worked hard to overcome those roadblocks and had finally found his footing and even gotten more sure of himself. No one had been happier to see it than Gibbs. But, the realization that Gibbs hadn't gone out of his way to help the man achieve that level of being comfortable in his own skin, now bothered Gibbs.

Getting up, Gibbs tread back down the hall and quietly opened the bedroom door, wanting to check on his agent and make sure he was sleeping peacefully. Poking his head in around the door, he was unpleasantly surprised to find Tim still wide awake. In fact, he was actually chewing himself out, by the sounds of what Gibbs was hearing.

_"You're lucky he didn't fire you on the spot you, dumbass. The is no way that Leroy Jethro Gibbs would want any sort weakling like you on his team. Now that he knows you wanna throw in the towel, he's gonna give you the boot. Wait til he finds out it isn't the first time!" _

If the situation hadn't been so serious, Gibbs would have smiled; that is until he heard the last statement from his agent's mouth. But, now was definitely not the time for levity.

"You know better than that, McGee." Gibbs quiet voice from the door startled Tim into instantly sitting up; his eyes once again, immediately finding the floor and attempting to nail themselves there.

"I want to Boss, but I'm not sure that I can" Tim admitted quietly. "I'm such a screw-up most of the time, it's hard."

"You'll get there, and you don't have to do it alone. "


	9. Chapter 9

"I know you don't believe me" Gibbs said quietly. "But you don't have to worry about this going any further or it affecting your job, unless you let it. C'mon out here so we can talk about this. It's obvious you're not able to sleep and I'm wide awake too. Fighting it's only gonna make it worse for you. I'll make the coffee while I'm waiting." Gibbs told him without a single trace of anything except sympathy and compassion.

Tim couldn't understand why Gibbs would care. People didn't care about him that was something he had learnt from a very young age. People just didn't care. He didn't know how to respond to Gibbs's statement; so he didn't. Wordlessly and still concerned, Gibbs headed back to the kitchen.

Tim shuffled out of his bedroom a mere two minutes later, his feet barely making it up off the floor as he walked. With eyes still downcast, he silently assisted Gibbs making the coffee before taking himself down the hall to his bathroom. By the time he'd forced himself to quit stalling and come out, the coffee was done and Gibbs was already sitting on the couch with his coffee; uncharacteristically patient as he waited for Tim.

Once Tim had gotten his coffee, he bit the bullet and took himself to the chair in the living room, and waited for the shoe to drop. He had no clue where to begin having a conversation with Gibbs about this. After all, this wasn't something Gibbs struggled with. Gibbs' pain and struggles came from the exact opposite end of the spectrum Tim was dangling precariously from. What's more, Gibbs had had years figuring out how to deal with and live with his pain. Tim's was still raw and left him feeling beyond vulnerable and like he was wearing a permanent tattoo that said _"Easy pickins; only losers and psychos need apply"_

Where Gibbs had found love; and apparently, he'd thought he'd found it enough to marry several times; and unfortunately, lost; Tim had yet to find it; and now knew he never would. Now, he knew and understood the problem. Women didn't want long term with him. Sex he could understand, women always wanted sex from him but not commitment. He had tried enough times by now and he knew sex was all he was good for.

And if women didn't want him for anything more; he no longer wanted women. He wanted obscurity, anonymity and celibacy. But even that hurt too damn much. Which is why he'd let the truth slip out what he had, earlier in the evening. He had thought about it. He had thought about it quite a few times. The cool touch of the metal against his finger on the trigger as well as the place on his neck where the barrel would be; standing in the shower to do it so the blood could be easily washed away, making things simple for everyone; the jerk of the gun in his hand as the bullet did what he would be asking it do to.

He had never told anyone but there had been times when he thought he would save everyone the heartache of trying to live with his mistakes and the lives those mistakes had been responsible for. Mistakes that could never be fixed or atoned for. Ending it all. Ending the rejection, pain, guilt and misery. Wiping out the memories. It would only take one shot.

Tim was never going to start the conversation so Gibbs knew that task fell to him.

Gibbs knew he read Tim well; but he also knew, after the last two weeks had proven; he didn't read him as well as he had thought. He knew that Tim usually had a pretty good idea of how Gibbs' mind worked after working with him for all these years. Tim's own mind functioned in Field Agent mode often enough to already put the two together and realize Gibbs would have questions.

Tim knew Gibbs would be asking about the bars and the drinking. Tim wanted to be able tell Gibbs everything but he was terrified that Gibbs wouldn't understand; would think there was something wrong with him, that he was unstable. Tim didn't want Gibbs to think that he was unfit to be out in the field.

"Tell me about the bars and the getting sloshed, Tim. Tell me why you've gone from being a non-drinker on up to trying mixed drinks."

Tim started and his eyes snapped up off the floor, rushing to meet Gibbs' in disturbed panic. _How on earth could he expect Gibbs to understand? Oh, God! Oh, man, he was so screwed_. _He'd known this was coming, but hadn't expected it quite so soon. But, then again, this was Gibbs and Tim should have known better_. He still wasn't used to how well Gibbs could read him, how Gibbs seemed to know what he was thinking, when he was lying, when something was wrong

"I'm not judging you, Tim. I just need to understand what's going on here." Gibbs explained with his steady, quiet voice.

"It's the only way to get through the night." Tim said quietly; too humiliated to look his boss in the eye now. He knew he needed to talk about this stuff and since Gibbs was willing to listen and would no doubt keep it to himself, Tim felt relieved to actually have someone to talk to about it.

"Why? Tell me what happens when you don't go out at night."

"I can't sleep, I get so keyed up and restless. I spend all my time trying not to think that it just stresses me out even worse. I have nightmares; not to mention..."

"Tell me about the nightmares." Gibbs directed; saving the 'not to mention' for later.

"Which one?" Tim asked bitterly.

"Whatever is keeping you from being able to function away from work. You're not eating or sleeping. You're hanging out in gay bars getting plastered until you pass out. You don't remember anything about it the next day and you refuse to go within 50 feet of Abby. And now, you're mixing drinks at home; and you've finally admitted what you really want is to end it all. So, yeah, for starters, I need to hear about whatever's keeping you from sleeping." Gibbs told him patiently.

"It's a mix; like badly patched movie reels, stuck in my head on replay. Abby telling me I'm not what she needs, the psycho girl who swiped my identity just to have fun with it, the one that laughed in my face at the mere mention of a date, Erin, Cynthia Cluxton- the gay PO who used her father's old case to try to get away with murder, all of Tony' s mocking about my never having a real girlfriend or date, Kate reminding me that Tony told all the women downstairs that I was gay, so I'd never have a shot at having any woman in the agency even look twice at me; the cheerleader who couldn't understand my job kept me working late on Halloween, and now, Amanda."

Gibbs couldn't hardly catch his breath as he struggled to keep up with the litany of what had been running through Tim's head on constant replay. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he bit the bullet and asked in complete seriousness: "Is that everything?".

"No." Tim answered truthfully, shocking Gibbs.

"What's the rest of it? Let it all out." Gibbs directed.

"Tony."

"What about him?"

"He pretended to be a woman online and set me up. Went all out with it; making himself out to be exactly what I was looking for and he knew it, taunted me with it.

"I heard about that. You didn't exactly stay pissed at him about it. As I recall, you found him out and played him before all was said and done." Gibbs reminded him.

Tim turned angry, haunted eyes on his boss. "Just because I finally got a chance to turn his meanness back on him; doesn't mean it didn't hurt that he would do that; knowing how hard it is for me to get a girlfriend in the first place! If he didn't spend so much time mocking me for the very things he pretended to share an interest in when he did that; it wouldn't have been so bad. But, just because I don't let you or him see how something affects me, doesn't mean it isn't there. I would have thought you, of all people, would understand that, Boss." Tim said with bitterness and pain in his voice.

"You're right, McGee. I should have realized how well you guys pick up my habits and I didn't. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault, Boss. Besides, Never apologise..." Tim said regretfully. "It's definately not your fault that, that's all I'm good for. People use me and then they leave me. That's what I'm here for". He laughed bitterly. "I know I don't deserve a real relationship. Believe me, that's been made abundantly clear to me now. I get it. Lesson learned; twice, three times; hell, a dozen times over. I got the message now."

Gibbs looked at the young man sitting across from him. He saw a damn good agent, a surrogate son, and the little boy, he knew Tim McGee had once been. He couldn't understand how so many women could have could have hurt and walked all over Tim to the extent that the young man honestly believed what he was saying.

"Tim. Look at me"

Tim hesitantly looked up at Gibbs.

"That is not true. None of that is true. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved. Everyone does. What you don't deserve is to be hurt and walked on like you have been."

Tim closed his eyes. "Then why do they keep doing it? If I don't deserve it then why does it keep happening?"

Gibbs couldn't answer that. He couldn't comprehend how anyone could have caused the pain that had now resided in the young man's eyes almost constantly for the last two weeks. How someone could have hurt him so much that he went out to gay bars and started drinking himself into oblivion every night, just so he could try to stop the pain, so he could forget, even if just for the night. And when that stopped working for him, he brought the habit home with him and was obviously building up a tolorance for it that wasn't enough to dull the pain for him.

He sighed. "I don't know Tim"

Tim closed his eyes harder and turned his head away.

"Tell me the reason you've been going to the gay bars." Gibbs prompted.

Tim's eyes flew to the floor; as abject humiliation washed through him.

"Tim, nothing you say can make me not want to help you or will make me turn my back on you. You're a part of my team and that's where you belong."

"Watching women have successful relationships with guys is too much of a slap in the face." Tim admitted brokenly. "Staying home gives me too much time to dwell on it. What am I supposed to do?"


	10. Chapter 10

_"Staying home gives me too much time to dwell on it. What am I supposed to do?"_

* * *

"It's ok Tim, I'm not pissed about any of this. You haven't been able to think clearly about this and I get that." Gibbs stated firmly.

"Thanks, Boss." Tim said.

"Gotta ask you something, though." Gibbs said; unexpectedly taking the time to lead up to a question instead of just coming out with it.

"Okay." Tim's worry was obvious in his voice.

"Where's Jethro? I don't see anything here that says you have a dog; especially one you've had for several years now. I would think this place would be shouting that kinda thing."

Tim looked away; his eyes finding the windows. Suddenly, unable to sit still and feeling magnetically drawn to the window's view; he got up and walked over to it and looked out for a silent minute.

"Tim?" Gibbs quietly pushed for the answer. He knew Tim needed to talk about it.

"I had to give him a better home. He needed more than I could give him." Tim's voice was full of regret.

"Why? Seems to me you've done a bang-up job of being what he's need until now. What changed?" Gibbs was surprised at Tim's answer.

Tim looked back at his boss, once again, his heart in his expression. "Me, my focus. When I realized that I was so out of it that I hadn't taken him for a walk or even called the dog-walker for three days straight, I gave up on being a pet owner. I was letting him suffer through my incompetence and he didn't deserve that."

"Why didn't you come to me? He could have stayed with me until you 're back on your feet. I've got the backyard and I don't mind him being in the house." Gibbs reminded him.

"I didn't exactly know how to go about having that conversation with you, Boss." Tim admitted honestly. "You would have wanted to know everything that was going on and I wasn't ready to talk about it."

"Do you want him back?" Gibbs pushed.

"Of course I do. I've put my heart and soul into learning to take care of him and love him; even after our rocky start or maybe because of it." Tim said with regret in his tone.

"What did you tell the person you gave him to? Is the arrangement permanent?"

"Long term on a trial basis. She's got a month to figure out if she can handle him and his odd behaviors and if they can bond." Tim replied.

"What about you? Did you leave yourself an out if you decide you want him back?" Gibbs asked.

"Actually, no, I didn't. I didn't exactly think of that being a possibility. Not that I wouldn't want him back; more that I wouldn't be any better able to take care of him then than I am now."

"If you could have him back when you are back on your feet, do you want him?" Gibbs wouldn't let this go. Tim had put a lot of who he was into bonding with this dog and it might just help him see some self-worth; if he could have something to strive for.

"Yeah. I would. In a heartbeat." Tim admitted as he looked back out the window, his shoulders slouched in defeat.

"Tell me why your cupboards and refrigerator are as bare as they are." Gibbs directed. The fact that there was now a loaf of bread and coffee and the supplies for coffee; where there had previously been nothing, didn't escape Gibbs' perusal of his staples earlier. It had been a marginal improvement since Tony had been here.

"Haven't been hungry and I haven't felt like going to the store." Tim said casually, as if it were not a big deal.

"Except to buy beer and liquer." Gibbs added dryly.

"Yeah. There is that." Tim's untypical Tony-style answer raised some concern with Gibbs. Tim didn't talk like this.

"What's your problem with Abby?

"You mean besides the fact that while she rejected me, she continues to flaunt her continuous stream of new choices in my face? Nothing. I just can't swallow it anymore. For someone as intelligent as she is; she's pretty clueless as to how much her rejection hurt. Right now, it's the last straw. I'm sorry if it's creating a problem at work. I really do appreciate you not making me talk to her."

The older man could see how Tim's eyes kept flickering over to meet his as though expecting Gibbs to suddenly get pissed at him for talking about Abby that way or something. Gibbs sat there in silence for several minutes, while Tim remained silently at the window; both trying to come to terms with what had been revealed over the past few hours. Gibbs broke the silence.

"Talk to me about wanting to end it all."

Tim's posture stiffened and his eyes refused to come away from the view outside the window. He took deep, deliberate breaths. His heart pounded in his ears, his eyes stung, his head ached. Despite the warmth, a chill swept through him. He wanted so badly to tell Gibbs how he felt like he was trapped. He wanted to tell him everything he'd never been able to talk to anyone about, things he'd felt damaged by. But he was too terrified of what Gibbs might say. Or what Gibbs might think, and not say.

No one had ever stood by him the way Gibbs was doing right now. At least no one Tim could remember. His boss was seeing him at his worst and still he was here. He hadn't left and what's more, he'd promised he wasn't going anywhere. Gibbs had always been there, trustworthy, loyal, fierce, protective and strong. And even in the face of Tim's deepest darkest weakness, Gibbs was still here. Tim felt so much gratitude toward the man at this moment. There was nothing in the world he valued more right now

"Talk to me. It doesn't matter if I don't understand it Tim. I'm not here to judge anything you tell me. I'm here to help. I need to be able to help you find a way to cope that doesn't involve you hurting yourself or you setting yourself up for someone else to hurt you." he said quietly.

"I haven't tried to do it in a while now. I've found another way to cope." Tim said quietly, blown away by Gibbs' statement and support.

"The nightly drinking binges."

"Yeah. But it's the alcohol that lets me forget, lets me zone out. I don't know if I can cope without it. When everything in my head gets to be too much I need something to make me stop focusing; stop thinking. I've tried everything, running, computer games; hell I even tried movies and work. Nothing else works. The only thing that can truly distract me when it gets that bad is the alcohol; the point it takes me to where I can't think." Tim explained, his eyes glued to the world outside the window.

"What did you mean about this not being the first time you wanted to end it all?"

Tim looked over at Gibbs, searching for he didn't know what; but what he saw encouraged him to not hold anything back.

"When I was younger it took a very long time before I got used to other people hurting me, bullying me; but before I did; when it got to be too much, I tried to end it all. Several times and I couldn't even do that right. Not once!"

Gibbs' attention snapped up at Tim's admission of not just one, but several failed suicide attempts as a younger man

"Tell me what happened." he encouraged without altering his tone or volume.

Tim looked away. He knew this would be when Gibbs wouldn't accept his weakness for what it was. His career was over now.

"I got so beaten down and fed up with being bullied and tortured in school, I tried to take my own life. Several times. The razor was too awkward, I couldn't get the angle right, plus, at the first flash of pain, I chickened out. The chunk of mirror ? Same thing. The fender bender with the tree? Wasn't' driving fast enough. After the third attempt and failure, I gave up, Figured I was stuck."

Gibbs tried not to let any emotion show as his brain registered what he'd just heard. It was hard to imagine Tim, the man who appeared so unflappable and resilient, getting so desperate that he had to resort to physically trying to end his own life; not to mention repeatedly.

Tim could sense Gibbs' thoughts racing. He braced himself for the worst. The boss wasn't the kind of person to want this kind of weakness in any of his agents; someone as weak minded as himself wouldn't be allowed to keep their job.

"I'm sorry" he said sadly "I tried. I really did. But it got to be too much. The car wreck on my 16th birthday certainly didn't help. And no, that wreck was not deliberate."

Gibbs felt his heart ache for what the younger man must have gone through as a teenager. To have to go through all of that without being able to talk to someone. To realize that the only way he could get through it was to end his life?

"Why didn't you talk to someone?" he asked Tim. "Did you talk to your parents about any of it?"

Tim really didn't want to answer that, he didn't want to go there again, But, he knew that Gibbs would find out, eventually he'd wear him down; and the tale would come out. Still, he couldn't bear to have that conversation right now.

Gibbs had a fairly good idea of why Tim hadn't talked to anyone about it; why he hadn't had help to help ease the pain he'd been living with as a nerdy, geeky, child prodigy in high school. He wasn't going to raise it with Tim. He wouldn't push him to talk.

"You don't have to tell me now. You can tell me whenever you're ready."

Tim's eyes met his. "Thank you" he said, so quietly that Gibbs could barely hear him. Tim never liked thinking about what he had lived through as a teenager. He'd learned to grow a much tougher skin, thanks largely to the exact type of people who had almost drove him to end it all to begin with. That didn't mean that he didn't think about taking his own life. There had been nights where he needed to escape so badly that he didn't think he could make it to a bar, where he didn't think he drink fast enough to find that place of mindlessness it took to get through; Pacci's death; Kate's death; Erin's death; killing Benedict; Mawher almost getting his hands on Abby; and countless others. Nights where it would have been so much easier to just go ahead and end it all. But he could never control the physical pain enough to go through with it. He didn't want to die but sometimes living was just too damn hard

"Tim. I meant what I said. You don't have to go through this alone. As a matter of fact; my promise that your place on the team is safe, comes with the stipulation that you don't continue to handle this without help. Understand?"


	11. Chapter 11

_" As a matter of fact; my promise that your place on the team is safe, comes with the stipulation that you don't continue to handle this without help. Understand?" _

* * *

"Yes" said Tim with gratitude mixed with hesitation.

"What?" asked Gibbs as he caught the hesitation.

"How much of this will be confidential beyond skuttlebutt's reach?" Tim asked in obvious concern.

"Nothing we've said here tonight will go any further than whoever the shrink is that you chose to talk to. And that will only happen with your permission." Gibbs promised.

The look of pure relief that appeared on Tim's face made everything worthwhile. It pushed all other thoughts out of his head. All that mattered was seeing Tim through this both on and off the job.

"Thank you." Tim answered gratefully.

"To start with, I don't want you out in the field tomorrow."

"No Boss I have to" Tim said panicking "If I'm at my desk all day, then I can't keep my mind completely occupied. I won't be able to stop myself from thinking about…" he stopped, defeated.

"You're still look exhausted. I bet you don't even know when the last time you've eaten a decent meal, was." Gibbs looked at his watch. _Eleven PM_. "Go get some sleep."

Tim silently nodded and headed off to the bedroom without a fight or a look back. Gibbs sat back on the couch; trying to sort through everything he'd seen and heard tonight. In what seemed like a few short minutes, Gibbs awoke with a start. Sitting up he wiped his hand over his face and listened to figure out what had woke him. He soon realized that he could hear whimpering coming from down the hall.

Getting up he walked down the hall and into Tim's room. Looking in he could see that Tim was sitting up; jerked out of his sleep by whatever his mind had drug down into his subconscience while he slept.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked him quietly.

Tim shook his head. His frightened eyes were still adjusting to the change from nightmare to reality. He couldn't erase the feeling of the hand that had been holding a gun jabbed into his stomach, accompanied by that mocking voice that wouldn't leave him alone now. Breathing heavily he willed himself to relax, to stop panicking.

Gibbs cautiously moved forward; sensing Tim needed help in his struggle to calm down.

"It's alright just take deep breaths" he quietly urged as he carefully sat down next to his agent.

They waited while Tim worked to calm his breathing. After several minutes the younger man was able to calm down. "Sorry Boss didn't mean to wake you" he murmured once he found his voice.

Gibbs took a half-minute to look him over. He could see that the younger man was still exhausted, and in no need for anything more that a good night's sleep.

"Don't even worry about it, Tim. You think you can go back to sleep?"

Tim looked away "I'll be okay. You can go back to bed Boss. I'm fine".

Ok?" Gibbs asked, deliberately pushing, as Tim tried to get comfortable enough to sleep again.

"Yeah. Thanks, Boss." Tim whispered in return as sleep quickly reclaimed him.

Gibbs took the opportunity to take a good look at the now sleeping man. So many emotions wrapped up in one complex person who felt unworthy to even be here. His heart broke for the mess Tim's life seemed to be in. Silently, he turned and headed back to the couch, closing his eyes to try to capture some sleep for himself. The alarm clock got Gibbs up at 5:00 AM and making coffee before Tim was up.

Sleep made Tim appear much younger, he appeared more innocent, unguardedThe sleep had done Tim good, the exhaustion and fatigue that had brought dark shadows to his eyes previously were fading. Watching closely Gibbs could see the moment when Tim began to wake. His eyes slowly opened and looked blearily up at him.

"Morning. You sleep alright?" Gibbs asked as he looked in on his Agent.

Tim nodded as he looked at Gibbs. "Thanks, Boss, for staying last night. I appreciate it"

""Feeling better?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah. I'm okay, if you ignore the bad dreams" said Tim embarrassed.

"Do you have them often?" Gibbs asked.

"No, I've only had a couple this time."

"This time?"

"You know our psyche's work, Boss."

"Okay, I get it. What happens when you wake up? You seemed to be able to bring yourself out of this one."

Tim blushed and looked away. "Yeah, But, usually, it takes me a while to shake it off."

"Usually? What happened this time?" Gibbs stated.

"This time was..." Tim stopped. Last night had been different. He hadn't felt the urge he normally felt for escape once Gibbs arrived. Instead he had just felt relieved to have Gibbs there, relieved he had someone to talk to that would listen without judging him or telling him he was wrong for how he thought or felt. Relieved that his nightmare had been just a dream. And when Gibbs had checked on him and stayed with him, he had fallen into a soundless sleep. He hadn't had to worry about forgetting, about finding mindlessness. Having Gibbs there had taken that away, for the first time in a very long time. He felt so much better, more hopeful after telling Gibbs everything. The world had been lifted from his chest and he desperately just wanted to let Gibbs in on everything so he didn't have to hide any of it away anymore. The urge to end it all was still lurking; but it had faded to the background when the support and strength of someone who cared had been offered without question or judgement.

"This time was different." He continued. "I wasn't alone."

"Good." said Gibbs smiling. He was relieved that he'd found Tim before things had gone any further astray for the young man and that he'd been able to help Tim to relax and actually sleep, just by being here. He may not be able to do anything about what happened to Tim as a teenager, but he damn sure could help him now.

Tim smiled back in gratitude and hope.

"C'mon, let's get ready to go." Gibbs said, breaking the silence.

"I'm just gonna get some coffee and toast" Tim said rolling off the bed, ignoring how his stomach still rolled at the thought of consuming anything.

Gibbs leant in the doorway and watched as Tim fixed his coffee, still looking exhausted and down-trodden. He may sound better but he sure didn't look it, much.

"Hey"

"Hey Boss, here you go" said Tim handing Gibbs a steaming mug of the fresh coffee Gibbs had made.

"Thanks" the older man said before taking a large whiff.

Gibbs could sense that Tim wanted to avoid discussing anything they'd talked about last night. Gibbs wanted him to focus on getting through the day, anyway, so he'd let it go, for now. He was determined to make sure the younger man believed that he wasn't the person he believed himself to be. The question was now how to let Tim see that the team really wanted him and that he wasn't just going through the motions on the team; he was needed and vital.

Tim silently moved past Gibbs, back down the hall into his bedroom. He quickly got changed and went into the bathroom as he ran his brush through his hair. Looking in the mirror, he saw that the dark circles under his eyes had faded slightly and he no longer looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Having Gibbs here had been better for him than he'd thought possible. Sighing he brushed his teeth.

He knew today was going to be hell. What he didn't know was if he would be able to act normal, not after last night. Not after letting Gibbs see the real Tim McGee. It would be easier to act normal with everyone else around than it was when he when was alone with Gibbs. With Gibbs it was too hard to pretend, too hard to keep the lock in place on everything bottled up. It was easier at work. Ziva and Tony helped by allowing him his withdrawn, moody days in peace.

With them he could remain his quiet and calm self; allowing him his escape into that place in his head reserved for silent, breathable solitude; letting him escape the pain in his heart. Gibbs saw right through that, he didn't let him hide in plain sight like that. Tim wasn't a completely different person at work, there were aspects of himself that were easy to maintain; his love of computers; cracking codes; and having a part of solving the case.

The biggest change in who he was now came in the things he no longer found any joy or even tolerance for; bantering with the others, going down to Abby's lab or even thinking about having to talk to her. About the only thing he could still find enjoyable was listening to Ducky. Maybe it was because Tim knew Ducky genuinely cared about him no matter the circumstances.

Whatever the case may be; he just knew that none of them would want anything to do with him if they knew everything that he was doing to try to escape the searing pain in his heart that just would not go away. Having Gibbs to talk to had allowed Tim to begin to accept what had happened to him, giving him the chance to be himself without trying to hide any of it.

Tim finished brushing his teeth and walked back into the kitchen. Gibbs was leaning against the counter munching on a piece of toast, with a fresh cup of coffee in one hand.

"Toast okay?" he asked.

Gibbs swallowed. "Perfect."

"I hope so, since that's all I've got" Tim laughed.

Gibbs chuckled. It felt good to have Tim joking with him, even if it wasn't really funny that he didn't have any food in the house. It gave Gibbs hope that Tim would get through this, really get through this. That he wouldn't keep pretending to be okay when he really wasn't, with anyone.

"We should get going" Gibbs said.


	12. Chapter 12

Getting to the office, they parted ways in the parking garage; with Gibbs heading straight to the break room for coffee and Tim going on to his desk and quickly emmersed himself in checking his emails and cleaning them out. He hated it when they didn't get a case and all they had to do was paperwork. With paperwork he couldn't distract himself and soon enough found the need for the mental head space to escape to. With a deep sigh, he steeled himself against the overwhelming urge to make that choice; to hide in plain sight while he sat at his desk, not missing a beat.

It wasn't long before Gibbs arrived at his desk; casting a concerned look over Tim's body posture and language. The young man was not currently allowing himself to get lost in his mental hiding place; but it was obvious he was already itching to go there.

Gibbs looked up, distracted as Ziva and DiNozzo arrived at their desks. They were obviously still concerned about Tim; made obvious by the way they both ran their eyes over him as Gibbs had just been doing. He wasn't surprised by their concern after how extra quiet and still Tim had been yesterday. Gibbs was glad by their show of concern and was hopeful that one day Tim would understand how much everyone cared for him and accepted him for who he was.

The first half of the day rolled by slowly as the team's paperwork dwindled down to nothing as they got it caught up.

Tony had obviously finally become convinced that nothing was up, that yesterday was just a fluke

He soon became engrossed in coming up with new nicknames for Tim; which didn't abate even when they bounced off deaf ears. Tony soon began constantly corrected Ziva's English mistakes. He could sense Gibbs watching Tim and he could tell that Gibbs was aware of how hard Tim was trying to stay aloof and busy; anything to keep his from wandering to the events of the last two weeks and most especially, last night.

Gibbs was never so close to calling in his rights to have the team chase down cold case leads from when they weren't so cold; as he was now that he had to watch Tim try so hard to be normal,

After lunch; the team was still steadily drudging through archives and cold cases; dotting 'I"'s and crossing "T"s; following anything that jumped out at them as a possible overlooked lead from the original case' drudge work, plain and simple.

McGee's decided to clean out his phone messages on his break; taking out his cell and hitting buttons; listening to each message and doing what needed to be done to each one. After silently pushing buttons for what seemed like a whole five minutes; his fingers kept typing on his keyboard with work stuff; Tim's fingers suddenly froze on his keyboard and he stood up from his seat; for the first time all day. Slowly, as if he were in a trance, Tim closed his phone and set it on his desk and walked away; his eyes hooded and his body posture stiff as he left; headed toward the restroom; those words ringing in his ears:

_Hey, Timmy. Let's get together for dinner after work. I really enjoy being with you. We could really make this work."_

Almost immediately, as he watched Tim react to whatever he was hearing on his phone; Gibbs knew this had just gotten worse and was far from over for his agent. He didn't understand how Tim had managed to keep this hidden from him for two weeks. He thought he knew the younger man better than anyone, except Abby. He had never before understood that Tim had used his normally quiet and shy personality to hide potentially fatal problems. Gibbs wanted a case to come up, anything to come up to help the younger man distract himself the best way possible.

This latest development was cause for concern and this time, Gibbs sent Tony to make sure McGee was all right. He knew that Gibbs chasing Tim down would bring unwanted attention to his agent and neither one of them wanted that. Tony had assured Gibbs that Tim was okay as they both returned to their desks and got back into their work. When he had caught up with Tim, he'd looked like a cornered animal who had just taken a beating. He wouldn't tell Tony what was going on, but Tony had caught sight of Abby cheerfully walking away almost disappearing out of sight around the corner of the hallway.

As Tony had caught up with him, Tim had still been reeling from Abby's little fully charged meet and greet, complete with with another twist to the heart.

_"Hey, McGee, you've been avoiding me. Are you okay? What's going on? You remember I told you that Eric and I are gonna get a chance to hook up? Well, it turns out that he's taking his two week vacation next week and he's spending it here in D.C. so we can spend more time togeher! Isn't that great? Whatever's going on with you, McGee; if you need me to help with anything, you know you can call me anytime, right? Okay. I gotta get back to work. Bye."_

It was the hardest trip back to his desk he'd made all week, but, somehow, Tim managed to get back to work and stay focused, barely. It was a long day with very little to do to keep the mind occupied. By six, Gibbs had had enough and uncharactoristically, sent Tony and Ziva home. As they cast worried glances at a statuesque McGee; Gibbs promised them:

"You two go on home. I'll take care of him."

Ziva nodded and with one last concerned look, she propelled Tony to go with her and they left as Gibbs had requested. She knew Gibbs would take care of McGee.

Gibbs turned and walked over to Tim, and clamped a hand down on his shoulder, making sure to apply enough pressure that he knew Tim knew he was there even though he was lost in space. Gibbs didn't know just how zoned out he was, but he needed to rein him back in. "Tim" Gibbs said sternly enough to rouse him from his current state. "C'mon, let's go."

Tim's eyes flickered slightly before his eyes found Gibbs'. He didn't want to move, once he did, the numbness would evaporate and the pain would move in for the kill. Somehow, he found strength in those blue eyes not leaving his own. As Tim sought and found the strength to move, Gibbs helped him to his feet and stayed with him as they made their way to the elevator, down to the parking garage and out to the car. Once Gibbs had gotten the door unlocked, somehow, seemingly on autopilot, Tim seated himself and fastened his seat belt before turning his head to the window and closing his eyes; hoping to find some sleep; knowing his first choice; drunken oblivion, wasn't an option right now.

Maybe it was. No. He didn't have the strength to fight for going home alone right now. That was the only way getting drunk was gonna happen. So, the other alternative was to let Gibbs help him through this. Since the man was obviously willing to be here for him; _or was he? Was he doing this because he wanted to? Probably not. _

Gibbs drove at less than his normal pace; knowing that Tim hated Gibbs' normal driving. He decided that it would be better for Tim to be in his own surroundings until he had his equilibrium back. Thirty minutes later, after a quick stop to get some grub, Gibbs pulled into Tim's apartment and turned to the younger man.

"C'mon, you need to eat and get some real sleep."

Tim was still focusing on keeping himself from feeling anything, but it was getting harder. He could feel the panic, anger and heartbreaking pain that he had been suppressing start to rise within him. _Why the hell hadn't he gotten rid of those stupid messages already? Now her voice was burned into his brain, along with the image and physical sensation of her jabbing that gun into his gut and threatening his life._

_"Hey, Timmy. Let's get together for dinner after work. I really enjoy being with you. We could really make this work."_

"McGee."

Gibbs' encouragement seemed to work. Tim got himself out of the car and even led the way up to his apartment. With every step he took; he could feel the strength to stay in the fight, oozing out of him; leaving him weak and scared. That desire to end it all was coming back into focus and it scared him that he would soon be trying to take that final step to permanent escape.

As soon as they cleared the apartment door, Gibbs propelled Tim toward the bedroom, intent on letting him change his clothes before he made him eat and hit the hay. Stopping in the hallway, Tim's hands went to his service weapon and he unarmed himself, placing the gun in it's lockbox on the shelf. Without thinking twice about it, Gibbs silently urged his agent forward, on into the bedroom and stopped, watching to see where Tim's' head was at.

As his breathing speed up slightly. Tim began pacing his room. The anquish he was feeling was written all over his face. Listening to that message earlier had really done a number on him; especially when Abby's little conversation got thrown on top of it. But, now, he was starting to actually process what he'd heard and feel things from it and Gibbs knew that a meltdown was imminent.

"Tim, just let it out."

It wasn't working anymore. Tim could feel the fog that had settled over the images and remembered words in his mind lift, could feel the numbness that had permeated through him fade. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't get everything out of his head. He wanted the oblivion he'd learned how to find; had come to rely on. Even Gibbs' presence wasn't enough to calm him now. He needed that mindlessness and he needed it now!

Tim couldn't handle it, and he couldn't let Gibbs see him when he was like this. It was enough that the older man was there watching him panic, he couldn't let him see him when he lost it again. Last night had been bad enough. If Gibbs had to see it happen again; Tim knew the man wouldn't even try to hide how he felt; he'd just tell him he was giving up on him. There was no way Tim would be able to handle it if that happened.

Gibbs could hear Tim's breathing become irratic and harsh; could feel the younger man's panic. His agent was close to breaking point and Gibbs could only hope that he could stop it from going any further.

"Tim you've got to breathe. Calm down." His words had no effect on Tim. The young man was just as panicked as before. He pulled away from Gibbs and pushed himself off the bed.

"Gotta use the head" he forced out, already halfway across the room. Tim practically ran down the hall; only to freeze in his tracks in front of his lock box.

"Tim, you don't want to do this. You know you don't." Gibbs quiet. serious voice penetrated the fog that was still lingering in his head even as it had begun to lift away.

Tim stood still, his thoughts waging war with each other in his head.

_Rejected.  
Geek  
You thought we were exclusive?  
You don't think women date you for your winning personality, do you?  
Sure, I stole your credit card out of your mailbox. It's what I do.  
I don't want a committment, Timmy.  
If you can't be here tonight, don't bother calling me again!  
Whattaya mean you're not gonna write anymore books? I only date famous rich people you moron!  
Ari shot the controller with the first shot, missed with his second.  
Don't you know that's the only reason I went out with you?  
Bad McGee!__  
_"Where is she, Tim?  
McNever has a date.  
You shot a decorated Dectective.  
Put a sock in it McGee, at least he didn't shoot you!  
Put the cuffs on yourself, McGee. Arrest yourself!_  
_Oh, Timmy, Eric and I are gonna go out!  
You owe that terrorist a thank you, Probie. He saved your life!  
_Tony's right. You do owe that terrorist a thank you.  
__I tried to save Erin and I couldn't.  
Ha! Me taking dating tips from you, Probie? I don't think so  
__"Oh. Timmy, that is so sweet! Any girl would be lucky to have you!  
Where's Kai, Tim? Tell me where she is or I'll...  
Dead Agent walking._

With his heart in his throat, Gibbs watched as Tim's thoughts and emotions wreaked havoc on him; as evidenced by the ever changing emotions running across his face in rapid fire speed. His mind was obviously being over-run with everything he was trying to filter through it. Carefully and deliberately, Gibbs stepped up to stand in between Tim and the lockbox and locked his eyes on the young man's face; silently willing the young man to look at him and see that he didn't have to handle it this way. Seeing that Tim was becoming buried underneath it all in his head, Gibbs decided a more proactive approach was necessary.

**"McGee!"** the authoritative bark that had worked to snap Tim back to the here and now for the last six years; once again, thankfully did its' job.

Tim's eyes moved to Gibbs' and somehow, Gibbs managed to keep hold of Tim's attention from that point.

"You are not alone. This is not going to help you." Gibbs kept his tone strong but less than loud.

"I just want it to stop!" Tim's tortured whisper tore at Gibbs' heart just as much as the desperate plea for help that was calling to him from Tim's ever expressive eyes. As grateful as he was that Tim had snapped back to the present and was actually talking to him again; Gibbs was still worried that this battle was far from over.

Gently, he reached out and placed his hand on Tim's arm and guided him toward the living room; away from the lockbox and the closed up bedroom.  
"I know, son. We'll get there, all right?"

"Still gotta use the head, Boss." Tim said quietly as Gibbs' calming promise soothed his anxiousness.

"Okay." Gibbs let go of him and stood by as Tim stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, absentmindly locked it; as he usually did when he had company.

As soon as the bathroom door closed. Gibbs moved the lockbox to a different location making sure it was out of sight. Relieved beyond measure that the potentially devasting battle had been avoided, Gibbs breathed out a sigh of relief.


	13. Chapter 13

With the remembered words and the mocking voices once again running rampant through his mind, he paced around the small space in the bathroom stopping in front of the mirror to stare at himself. Suddenly he was sweating and shaking He couldn't take this anymore; didn't want to be this person unwaveringly looking back at him. He tried to take deep breaths, tried to calm himself, but he couldn't. He could hear the mocking and destructive words in his ears; words that had risen from the ashes of devastating things from times past; but still hurt and carried culpability, ridicule, appointed worthlessness and pain with them, He gripped the sink in front of the mirror; his knuckles stark white as the words began to fill his already exhausted mind:

_"Somebody's trying to break into my apartment!"  
" I'll be right there. Don't hang up! I'm coming!"  
"I tried to save Erin and I didn't. I tried to shoot her killer, and I missed."  
"All I can see is Erin lying on the floor"  
__"Hey, Timmy. Let's get together for dinner after work.I really enjoy being with you."  
__"SelfHelpless"  
"Eric and I are gonna get a chance to hook up!"  
Rejected!  
"Geek"  
"You thought we were exclusive?"  
"You don't think women date you for your winning personality, do you?"  
"We could really make this work."  
"Where is Kai, Tim?" "Where is she? I have to know!"  
__"He's been murdered, McGee. What did he ask you to do for him?"  
"He wanted um… civilian files from a three year old cold case. I spent all day in the Buford County Courthouse searching for it."  
__"Why didn't he shoot McGee?"_

"I don't want to hear anymore!." And with that desperately whispered declaration, everything that Tim had been trying so hard to outrun; keep at bay, and even at one point, tried to actually let out, finally overpowered him and he couldn't stem the tidal wave suddenly coming at him with what seemed like a deafening roar. He was helpless to stop it. He just wanted it all to stop. But, instead, the hateful and hurtful memories kept coming back, steadily over-flowing the now broken down levy that had at one time held them all in_:_

_"Put a sock in it McGee, at least he didn't shoot you!"  
I tried to save Erin and I didn't  
"Sure, I stole your credit card out of your mailbox. It's what I do".  
"Two men are dead because of me, Boss."  
"There's no mid-ground, McGee. You either put on the cuffs, or you find who's responsible!"  
"You figure it out, McGee! You write the ending to this, or the killer will!"  
__"But if you even think about writing a third novel, I'll kill you."_  
_"Tell me right now where you think Kai is, or I swear . . . .  
"I don't want a committment, Timmy."  
"You owe that terrorist a thank you, Probie. He saved your life!  
"If you can't be here tonight, don't bother calling me again!"  
"I only date famous rich people you moron!"  
"Ari shot the controller with the first shot, missed with his second."  
"Don't you know that's the only reason I went out with you?"  
"Bad McGee!"  
"Where is she, Tim?"  
__"He was a Metro detective. He was working undercover. I killed a cop, Boss."  
__"Benedict was arresting him. I killed a cop arresting a drug lord."  
"I shot a good cop making an arrest."  
__"Bennie didn't point a weapon at you, did he?"  
Could be your two rounds weren't the fatal one."  
"There's no way to tell who fired the kill shot. Does it really matter?"  
_"McNever has a date!"  
"Oh, Timmy, Eric and I are gonna go out!"  
""Ha! Me taking dating tips from you, Probie? I don't think so!"  
"Whattya mean you won't write another book?"  
"Tony's right. You do owe that terrorist a thank you."  
"Dead Agent walking."  
"Oh. Timmy, that is so sweet! Any girl would be lucky to have you!"

Tim stumbled back the two feet to the wall behind him, and slid down the wall; landing on the floor with a less than graceful thump; his head smacking against the wall several times as his body slid down, seemingly without structure or control, as it went And even though he hadn't done it deliberately, he found that this sudden physical pain and impact with the ungiving wall was actually helping him in his desperate grasp for that desired state of oblivion The last memory that filtered in silently but most painfully, had him suddenly fighting to breathe. _No! Why did this have to come back to haunt him? It wasn't fair! Wasn't everything else bad enough? This was too much!_

Gibbs had been concerned. The fact that it had taken his brain extra time to register the fact that his agent had locked the door had him mentally head slapping himself. He should have erred on the side of caution and stuck to his agent like glue. When the thump resounded through the otherwise quiet apartment, Gibbs' heart stopped. The banging that sounded off almost immediately shortly thereafter, raised his red flag in record time. He knew that sound; the sound of a person wordlessly crying out for help; letting the body bear the pain just to take the chaos in the mind away. Tim's words from the night before came back to him in a flash of understanding.

_When everything in my head gets to be too much I need something to make me stop focusing; stop thinking._

Not wasting any time in trying to get Tim to let him in; Gibbs quickly picked the lock and shoved the door open. With all the frustration and anger borne from what his agent had let him in on, it hadn't take much to get the job done. When he saw the haunted, pained look on the young man's face, he was relieved he'd listened to his gut this time.

Tim never heard Gibbs pick the lock or shove the door open. The young man's distress and frustration churned the wheel that now began driving him to repeat the previously unintended thud his head made against the wall, He knew he would feel the pain first._ Pain before numbness. Again with the pain. Hurry up with the rest of it!_ Tears of frustration, rage and pain ran down his face as he sat lost in misery and helplessness. The tears that continued to flow didn't even register. His mind was locked in on desperately reaching that point of nothingness. He could almost reach out and touch it, he was so close to it, thankfully; just a little bit further...

"Damn it!" Gibbs softly cursed as he immediately put one hand between Tim's head and the wall the young man had obviously now decided to use as a weapon against himself. Gibbs used his other hand to gently help settle himself on the floor beside his agent. Of all the ways to find temporary oblivion; this one took the cake. Gibbs was able to breathe a sigh of relief that Tim hadn't taken the gun out of the lock box. The mere thought of Tim trying even hurting himself this way; filled him with sorrow despite the flash of relief the former thought had brought about.

Tim didn't feel the hand that immediately came between his head and the wall before it could contact painfully again. He didn't even feel Gibbs sliding down and settling next to him on the floor, placing his body between Tim's head and the wall. The arms that wrapped themselves around him, repositioning him so his head was resting on a human shoulder, barely registered in his brain either. Suddenly, the trek toward oblivion was stopped cold. As soothing, comforting words began to infiltrate the crevices of his thoughts, coating the pain, dulling it in their own way. Surprisingly, he was moved and his brain finally began to register what was going on around him as he became cognitive of his here and now. Now he felt the surrounding comfort and security that somhow had wrapped itself around him like a blanket. It was at this point, Tim was actually able to notice that he was crying, and quickly worked to stem the flow of tears and dry his eyes.

Gently lifting Tim's shoulder forward even as the young man made the effort to dry his eyes. Gibbs looked at the man's head, feeling for a clue as to how much damage he'd done to himself. Thankfully, somehow he hadn't broken the skin. He'd always known Tim had a thick head, but now he was grateful that it seemed to be true literally. He allowed the young man's head to fall back against his shoulder and rest. He looked at Tim when he finally turned his head. The young man was now looking toward the wall and his breathing was less shaky than it had been when Gibbs first arrived in the room. Thankfully, the guy hadn't gotten to the point where he'd stiffened with embarressment.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" Gibbs asked in a tone Tim couldn't remember ever hearing before.

Tim turned his head and looked in Gibbs' eyes, his own bright with remnants of those tears so recently shed. "I'm sorry Boss. I just needed it all to go away. I needed to stop hearing it all. For good." the whispered answer spoke volumes even as it vibrated with the emotion that had driven this man for the last couple of weeks.

"What exactly are you hearing, McGee?" The older man's tone hadn't changed. He knew the young man sitting here was barely holding it together, but he also knew that there had to be a lot more going on then what he'd been told. This was too extreme for there not to be. Gibbs needed to get to the bottom of this problem and he wouldn't stop digging around for the truth until he got it.

Tim felt himself drawn back from the urgent search for nothingness; compelled by the comfort and genuine concern he heard in the voice that had rescued him from his own self-destructive quest. The more Gibbs' spoke and questioned, the more he felt compelled to answer and share. The feeling of being safe and secure went a long way toward making Tim feel comfortable in talking about this, with this person. Right now, he wasn't talking to his boss. he was talking to someone who cared enough to ask; cared enough to stop him from hurting himself, without judgement or even anger. What really cinched it, though, was that this person cared enough to sit with him and literally wrap him in that safe, secure anchor that he so desperately needed right now. That said a lot.

"All the voices, the memories. everything they make me feel when I hear them over and over again." Tim's tone never changed and the whispered volume never increased. It was as if the young man didn't have the energy to do any better.

"Tim, you can't expect not to feel things. It's part of living." Gibbs' patiently calm voice continued to keep Tim's nerves edging toward relaxing. "What is it you're not telling me?"

"It's too much." the young man quietly admitted from the depths of his soul.

"Tell me what they say, McGee." Gibbs gently pushed. "Get it out. Tell me all of it." He made no move to try to get Tim to get off the floor, he was much more concerned with letting the guy open up to him. It was obvious that this was much more important right now, than worrying about their current location. So long as Tim felt safe and able to let go of what had been haunting him and driving him into unhealthy and even dangerous choices and ways of thinking, then Gibbs didn't care about where it was they were sitting at the moment.

As Tim quietly repeated all of the things he'd been hearing in his head for the past two weeks, his voice, even as it broke in some places of his explanation; tore a piece of Gibbs' heart in others; began to fade away after a while; as his body and mind were lulled into relaxing. The safety and security of Gibbs being there, supportively, encouraging him to open up; pushing him to unlock everything and get it out; soothed Tim's fears of his bad dreams and relentless memories. Here, on the bathroom floor; safe and secure in Gibbs' protective custody, Tim's body and mind finally quit fighting each other and just as quietly as he'd been letting things out, Tim fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

The quiet steady voices carrying on a conversation off in the distance drug him from the depths of his sleep, bringing him slowly to awareness, allowing the fog to lift from his brain as he became more fully aware of his surroundings. He was in his own bed. Funny, the last thing he remembered was sitting on the bathroom floor with Gibbs holding him up, as he spilled everything out to the man, piece by jaggedly painful emotional piece. Somehow, Gibbs obviously got him up off the floor and into his own bed. Tim didn't know what to expect from the man now. _Gibbs!_

The boss had seen him at his worst and weakest and now most likely realized just how incompetent of a person he really was. As of right now, his boss knew every single thing there was to know about Tim McGee and that thought scared the hell out of him. While he'd felt safer and secure last night, with Gibbs watching over him and encouraging him to get it all out; now that it was indeed, all out, the fear of the unknown future was almost more than he could handle.

Whatever was coming next couldn't be good, but, whatever it was; Tim figured he had it comin. As he sat up and attempted to pull his thoughts into some kind of order, he realized that for the first time in a very long time, he wasn't thinking or even hearing about anything from times gone by. His mind was actually a clean slate. The continued soft conversation from the other room began to gnaw at him. _What was going on and just who was in his apartment, now?_

Tim widened his bedroom door and slipped out into the hallway and headed out to the kitchen. As he took in the sight in front of him; Tony and Gibbs sitting in his now pristine living room, drinking coffee and quietly talking; Tim felt a momentarily flash of fear. _Surely, Gibbs wouldn't have told Tony... But, why else would Tony be here? How the hell had his living room gotten clean up? Wait! That's right Gibbs cleaned it up the other night!_

"I'm just glad you called me, Boss. Glad I could come help. I know he's been really withdrawn lately and didn't want to ask for help, especially from me. Doesn't mean I didn't wanna be able to help him, though." - Tony's words registered in Tim's brain. _Oh, No!_

"Glad you were available to help me get him off the floor, Tony." the boss' voice was surprisingly neutral. He didn't sound pissed or especially happy either. What he did sound was exhausted. _Oh, God!_

"I don't understand why you won't tell me what's going on with him, Boss." Tony complained quietly. He really wanted to be able to help McGee. _Oh, Good!_

"Tony. I told you to go on home hours ago, not crash on his couch. Don't think McGee's gonna be too happy finding you here unexpectedly." Gibbs growled in obvious frustration.

"I'm okay with it, Boss." Tim's quiet voice from the doorway startled both of his guests.

Feeling an overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude that Gibbs had kept his word, and not let Tony in on his deepest darkest secrets and weaknesses had Tim smiling a small but genuine smile. He knew keeping Tim's confidence put Gibbs in a tough spot, but since the boss hadn't declined; had in fact encouraged Tim to open up to him, Tim could only feel that everything would work out okay. Wanting to avoid any awkwardness that was sure to come up, Tim plunged the conversation into safer territory. "Either of you had breakfast yet?" he asked.

Gibbs looked Tim over closely. The young man was still tired, that much was obvious. He couldn't tell what he was thinking because Tim wouldn't bring his eyes up off the floor; again. Well, that meant something less than positive was going on in that head of his and if Gibbs knew Tim as well as he thought he did; most of what was going on was self - doubt, fear and worry. After everything Tim had let him in on last night, Gibbs couldn't even be sure that the residual effects of having all that running around in his head, wasn't still wreaking havoc in Tim's head.

"How could we..." Tony started to answer until Gibbs glared at him.

"McGee, if you're hungry, we can grab some breakfast at a diner and relax for a change." Gibbs offered as he pushed to override Tony's near miss with his unintentional reminder of things best left alone at the moment.

Tim hadn't missed it, though. He did, however, see for himself that Tony was genuinely worried about him. Tony didn't wear worried any better than Gibbs did; but he did wear it more obviously. With the genuine concern he was now witnessing from both men, Tim found himself second guessing things he'd believed and been convinced of regarding the Senior Field Agent and his attitudes and behaviors towards himself.

"That would be nice. My treat." Tim offered by way of apology for the need to find breakfast somewhere other than his barren cupboards.

He had yet to look either man in the eye; not yet ready to face what might be waiting for him; condemnation, recrimination, blame. Tim was ready for any of it. He still had plenty of his own negative emotions still laying raw, throbbing and while no longer festering, certainly causing enough pain, he still didn't see the end of the tunnel; even though Gibbs had shown him the light.

"Just give me a couple of minutes to grab a shower and I'll be ready." Tim requested as he turned back toward his room, missing the concerned look Tony sent Gibbs' way.

After the bathroom door closed and the shower came on, Tony looked to Gibbs, expecting an answer to his silent question.

"Tony. Don't. I can't tell you what he doesn't want to talk to you about himself. You know that." Gibbs reminded the young man.

"I know, Boss. But, what's with the not looking us in the eye, this morning? Since when can't he even do that?" Tony's question was full of the concern he felt.

"Since he's not completely sure why you're here and what you're really thinking bout him right now, Tony. He's unsure of his place around you."

"He's always been unsure of his place around you, too, Boss. That why he's not lookin at you either?" Tony asked.

"Somethin like that." Gibbs cryptically answered. He knew that Tim's inability to look him in the eye at the moment was coming from that exact explanation. Having opened up to Gibbs and let the boss into everything that had been tearing him apart basically throughout his entire adult life and even painful pieces of his childhood; had been both a blessing and a curse. While he was probably feeling 1,000 pounds lighter in terms of the world formally sitting on his shoulders; the young man was undoubtedly scared that this somehow changed things for him with Gibbs and even with his job.

* * *

Tim fought hard to keep his mind from taking the endless negative possibilities and running away with them. Instead, he forced his mind to replay the events of last night. As he allowed the hot shower to ease his tense body, his mind ran through what he remembered. Thankfully, the specifics that had driven his desperation were less clear than the end results; letting Gibbs in. The memory of Gibbs saving him from hurting himself; first from his internal battle to open that lock box and actually take his weapon and use it against himself; and then his misguided attempt to beat his head until he was numb; brought tears of relief to his eyes.

_How could he have gotten so far out on this limb? Why did he still feel like he was dangling from it; even with Gibbs trying so damn hard to hold onto him? Everything still felt so fresh and suffocatingly painful. Why couldn't he shake this?_

Soon the frustration he'd felt overwhelming him last night, returned with a vengeance. Feeling storm swept once again, Tim couldn't do anything but beat take it out on the shower wall; choosing this time, to use his fist. Not really looking for pain, but suddenly Tim realized the physical pain was helping to ease his emotional pain and suddenly the desire to keep going sparked to life.

The sudden thump that came from the bathroom, followed soon by several more, brought Tony and Gibbs' conversation to a standstill as Gibbs jumped up and raced to the source of the noise in a flash. Too startled and worried to care anything about decorum; Gibbs opened the thankfully, unlocked door and tore the shower curtain back, to reveal Tim, once again, in what appeared to be mid meltdown. This time, the young man was using his fist to feel the pain instead of his head even as tears coursed down his face. Turning the shower off, Gibbs wrapped Tim's hand and wrist while Tony silently laid a towel across Tim's shoulder so that most of it draped down and covered him respectfully.

Knowing that Tim wouldn't appreciate Tony seeing him like this, the Senior Field Agent silently slipped back out of the bathroom and headed back to the kitchen. He was in desperate need for a new cup of coffee. He desperately wanted to go back over to stand by the almost completely closed bathroom door, and listen; hear what was said, to get a glimpse of what was driving Probie to be this upset. But, knowing full well, that if he did hear whatever it was, this way, he wouldn't be able to hide that fact and Gibbs would know. Gibbs, who had very clearly warned him that whatever Tony was told had to come from Tim; would give him the head slap of his life if he disregarded this order from the boss and rightly so. Reluctantly, Tony took himself to the living room and sat down on the couch, laying his head back and allowing himself to catnap; relaxing only in the knowledge that Probie was safe with the boss' taking care of him right now.

Gibbs concentrated on bringing Tim back into focus. Clamping a hand down on the shoulder that didn't have the towel on it, Gibbs looked his agent in the eye and reigned him in. "McGee!"

Tim heard his boss from behind the mist that had begun to form a thick fog over his mind. Suddenly, he realized the shower had been turned off, he was half wearing a towel and Gibbs was standing next to his tub, holding a towel he'd wrapped around Tim's hand and wrist.

"I'm sorry, Gibbs. I'm just so frustrated!" Tim said miserably after a minute.

The fact that he had used Gibbs' name and not "Boss" was startling to Gibbs, but then again so was this young man's sudden propensity for inflicting physical pain on himself; seemingly to numb the emotional pain. Gibbs was thankful Tim hadn't hit the wall more than a couple of times and the fact that there was no blood and no dangling misshapen fingers was a good sign.

"Yeah, I got that much, McGee! Why does that mean you have to hurt yourself like this?" Gibbs asked with anger born of parental outrage that his surrogate child would deliberately hurt himself repeatedly.

"I didn't set out to do it because it hurt me, I just struck out at the wall because I didn't know how else to vent. Guess, after I'd done it, it crossed my mind that this pain would numb everything else." Tim's voice dropped to a near whisper.

"Are you looking to get put in a psych ward?" Gibbs pushed firmly with enough anger that Tim would know the boss wasn't gonna tolerate this any longer.

If Tim kept on like this, that was exactly where he was headed and there wasn't a hell ova lot Gibbs could do to stop it. If this kind of hurting himself scuttlebutt got going at work, Tim's career would be in jeopardy. Gibbs would have to jump through serious hoops to salvage it and he would do it. But, he sincerely hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"What? No!" Tim exclaimed in disbelief.

"Then stop this! You hear me? You forget what I told you?" Gibbs kept on, letting his anger fuel his questions, hoping to kick-start this kid's brain back in the right direction.

"Yes, Sir. I had forgotten." Tim admitted quietly. Gibbs promise resounded through his brain, now.

_"You don't have to worry about this going any further or it affecting your job, unless you let it."  
" As a matter of fact; my promise that your place on the team is safe, comes with the stipulation that you don't continue to handle this without help. Understand?"_

The tone of his voice coupled with the 'Sir' raised Gibbs' red flag even higher. Gibbs was fairly 'sure Tim hadn't broken or dislocated something, but he'd call Ducky in on this just to be on the safe side. Right now, he needed to concentrate on getting Tim's head back on straight.

"Right. Get your ass outta this shower and get dressed. If you're not out here in 3 minutes, I'm comin back in here!" Gibbs firmly ordered, knowing Tim wouldn't disobey an order from him; especially with the fuel for serious thinking that Gibbs had just thrown at him.

Gibbs retreated to the living room to find a very shaken Tony trying not worry. "Tony. Do I need to tell you that this didn't happen?" Gibbs demanded quietly.

"I'm not followin', Boss." Tony blearily opened his eyes and looked Gibbs square on.

"It's simple, Tony. None of this happened." Gibbs repeated with steel in his voice.

"Oh, Yeah. Right. I got It.! So, where are we going for breakfast?" Tony's words followed along with the Boss' order, but his eyes sure as hell didn't and neither did the feeling in his gut.

"Head back to my place. Call the team. Tell them I said bring something for breakfast and meet at my place. And Tony. No talk about McGee or the way he's been acting these last few weeks! And no one better mention that assassin's name!" Gibbs tone booked no argument. "Make damn sure Ducky's there, too, but don't tell him about this."

"On it, Boss!" Tony said with his normal waspish tone he saved for times he was following an order he didn't like.

Gibbs didn't call him on it. He knew Tony was upset at being left out of whatever was going on with McGee. If Gibbs had any say in the matter, he would have handed Tim off to Tony's big brother persona the night Gibbs followed McGee home. But, it had become glaringly obvious that McGee wasn't ready to deal with 'Big brother' yet. Hopefully, that time would come soon, not because Gibbs didn't want to be dealing with this, but because Tim needed to know that he could count on all of his team mates to help him through this, a hell ova lot more than he realized.

"Tony. He'll come to you when he's ready. Be patient." Gibbs advised compassionately.

"You really think he will." Tony's question was so full of hope and concern; it brought a twinge of regret to Tim's heart, as he listened silently from the bathroom doorway. He regretted that they didn't have a stronger relationship. He really could have used a big brother in his life, a long time ago. But, the frat brother that was Tony would have only made things worse for Tm. He needed the real big brother who was there in times of trouble, to encourage and support, to pull and push him to go on, to not give up. Frat brothers did the stuff Tim had suffered through in high school and he didn't need another drop of any of it. _God, if only Tony knew how desperately Tim wished things were different between them!_

"Yeah, Tony. I'm sure. Now, go on." the boss encouraged with a smile as Tony saluted the boss and left.

Turning back toward the hallway, Gibbs stopped in his tracks as he noticed Tim standing in the bathroom door, tears in his eyes and regret etched across his face.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey. Talk to me." Gibbs quietly encouraged.

"Sorry about what happened in there." Tim offered, deliberately not delving into where his mind and heart had just been focused. Gibbs couldn't make something happen that, well that just couldn't happen. There was no point in adding that to the pile already stacked at Gibbs' feet.

"McGee. What is it you don't think I need to hear, now?" Gibbs asked in the tone that let it be known Gibbs didn't really appreciate Tim making that choice for him.

"If only..." Tim said quietly tried to explain. Shaking his head, he gave up on the hope that he knew wouldn't ever see the light of becoming a reality.

"Go on." Gibbs pushed, as Tim walked toward the kitchen and set about fixing himself a piece of toast.

"If only he could understand," Tim tried to expand.

"Spit it out. What is it you need Tony to understand?"

"How much I need a big brother right bout now; long time ago woulda been great, actually. That's not to say that I don't appreciate that you've been here to pick me up and keep me from not being able to get back up when I stumble; because I do. really...." Tim was feeling worse by the second about opening this can of worms.

"Relax, McGee. I get it. And I agree. You do need him. In fact, you need all of them. That's what makes you a team; more than that, it makes you family. We are a family, of sorts, there's no denying it. Go get dressed so we can get going."

Gibbs pushed off the subject, having no desire to keep this going when nothing could be done about it right now. The next thing that needed to be done would be waiting for them at his house. Breakfast with the team; people who cared more about McGee, than the young man realized. Stopping for a moment to reflect on that, Gibbs had to admit that if McGee hadn't realized it, with all his intelligence and compassion; then it had been because he hadn't felt it or witnessed proof of it. He couldn't fault the kid for that. No, that was something the individual team members had to fix.

Opening his phone, he called Tony to ask for an update. Sure, it had only been a few minutes since the guy had left, but it gave Gibbs something to do and it let Tony know he had support through this as much as Tim did. When Tony reported that he had gotten all of the team members on board and everyone was bringing something to contribute toward breakfast, Gibbs thanked him and told him he appreciated the job well done.

Turning back to the kitchen, Gibbs poured the last of the coffee into two mugs and turned off the coffee maker. Standing up against the counter, drinking his coffee, he soon was lost in his thoughts as he found himself wondering how to go about getting things to be handled differently from here on in until Tim was back on his emotional feet. It was now glaringly obvious the young man could not stay by himself at least for the time being. Gibbs knew McGee would put up a fight, both because of his need for solitude and because he would think himself a burden and would hate that. Apparently, the time had come for Gibbs to firmly put his foot down on this; especially given the events of the last two nights for his agent. There was no doubt about it..."

"Gibbs. I'm ready." Tim said from the doorway. Seeing Gibbs lost in his own thoughts was troubling, to say the least, but Tim hid his worry.

"Relax. Come over here and sit for a minute. We need to talk." Gibbs said once he'd let go of his musings and led the way to the living room. He hadn't missed the worry in Tim's eyes and wanted to dispel it and quickly.

"Sure." Tim grabbed the cup of coffee he realized Gibbs had poured for him, fixed it up and did as Gibbs requested and took a seat in his living room.

"The last few days have been really tough for you." Gibbs said quite unexpectedly.

Tim brought his eyes up off the floor and looked his boss respectfully in the eye. "Yeah. Don't know what I woulda done without you being here for me. Stayin' with me, especially through the worst." Tim offered, obviously embarrassed and thankful all in the same breath.

"I get that. That's not what this is about. This is about your need to not be alone right now. And that's not a request." Gibbs stated unequivocally.

Tim looked away, not quite humiliated but not exactly feeling good about himself either.

"McGee. Look at me." Gibbs directed with compassion and authority blended together in his tone.

Tim forced himself to do as Gibbs directed, locking his own worried eyes with the steadying, promising ones of his boss.

"This isn't about making you feel bad, either. This is about keeping you safe from yourself until you find your way back." Gibbs explained patiently as the parental lion within him demanded that Tim be dealt with in the same manner Gibbs would have talked to Kelly. After all, Tim had refused to discuss his parents and there had to be a damn good reason for that. Something from last night pinged at Gibbs' memory about that, but it was vague right now and the need to finish this current conversation with Tim was prevalent. So, whatever those pieces were that were almost fit together, would have to wait till later.

"Okay." Tim conceded, his voice still filled with humiliation and self-depreciation.

"McGee, this also about you needing to let the rest of your team in about what it is you need fixed. You can't function on a team if all of this is out there unresolved." Gibbs reminded him.

Tim took in a huge, painful breath, feeling like he'd just been kicked in the gut. _How the hell was he supposed to do that?_ Panic soon filled his eyes.

" Calm down, McGee! I'm not ordering you to do it and I'm not tellin you it has to be done right this second!" Gibbs barked at him in an effort to be heard through the emotions Tim was so obviously getting sucked underneath.

Tim silently nodded in acknowledgement of what Gibbs was saying. Several tense but quiet moments later, Tim had his breathing back under control and could once again look Gibbs in the eye; even if it was just for a second.

"Okay. Go pack a bag for a week. If it needs to be for longer, we can come back and get more of your stuff then." Gibbs instructed quietly. "You've got 5 minutes!"

"K." Tim whispered as he took himself dejectedly back to his room to do as he'd been told. While he was eternally grateful beyond measure that Gibbs was still here despite everything that had happened in the last two days; he was now mortified that it had come down to having to be babysat!

"McGee!"It's not babysitting you; it's watching your back! Isn't that what families do for one another?" Gibbs asked from the doorway. He'd seen the humiliation flicker through the young man's eyes. Needing to know as much as he could about what was runnin through this kid' head, he'd followed him as far as the door to his room. Now, he was thankful that he had done just that.

Tim jerked, startled both that Gibbs had seen what he was thinking and that he'd been standing there without Tim realizing it. Silently, he offered Gibbs a nod of acknowledgement before he returned to his packing.

Fifteen short quiet minutes later had Gibbs and Tim on their way to Gibbs' house for a late breakfast with the team. The thirty minute drive would give Gibbs ample time to ease Tim into the idea of letting the team in. Obviously the thought of that had the young man scared to death. Gibbs wanted to resolve that issue before they got there. This was too important not to fix.

"Talk to me about what set your panic off back there." Gibbs encouraged shortly into their drive.

"The team. There's too many of them and just one me." Tim answered quickly.

"Meaning what exactly, you think I'm just gonna throw you to the pack?" Gibbs asked incredulously.

"No. That's not what I meant, Gibbs. I know you wouldn't do that. I just don't know if I'm capable of going through all this again. It was hard enough the first time." Tim explained.

"You think I've changed my mind about you belonging on my team. Why is that?" Gibbs suddenly changed the subject, unnerved by Tim's refusal to call him 'Boss' since the incident in the shower earlier.

"I don't understand." Tim admitted.

"You haven't called me, 'Boss' since the incident in the shower this morning. The only thing I can figure is you've decided I'm not as good as my word, McGee." Gibbs told him with a touch of disappointment in his tone. "You figure you're not on the team anymore so you can't call me 'Boss' anymore?"

"It's not your word that's not good, it's mine. Remember?" Tim reminded him painfully.

"Oh. Okay. I get it. It's because you had so much goin on up in that head of yours that you slipped up and tried to handle an overload without help.

"What is?" Tim wasn't quite getting what Gibbs was driving at.

"You've decided that somehow this means you're no longer qualified to be on my team." Gibbs' frustration was evident in his tone.

"Don't see that I've left you much choice but to remove me." Tim admitted quietly with despair ringing loud and clear.

"Since when is that your decision to make, McGee? Last time I checked, I decided who was fit to be on my team and who wasn't!"

"I know, I just..." Tim tried to explain.

"You just decided that you're better qualified to make that decision for me?" Gibbs pushed, still slightly irritated that McGee would take himself out of contention like this, without even discussing it further with him first.

333

"No, I wasn't trying to do that!" Tim exclaimed in frustration.

"Good. Glad that's settled." Gibbs calmly tried to cut the conversation off now that his objective had been met.

Tim looked out the window at the passing scenery. _Damn, he hated it when he pissed Gibbs off like this. With everything Gibbs had just helped him get through; the last thing Tim wanted was for the man to be pissed at him._

"McGee. Knock it off!" Gibbs knew the young man was actively burying himself in negative emotions. Tim hated being on Gibbs' bad side. The whole team knew this about him. They also knew it usually made McGee physically sick to his stomach when it did happen. Tim was a perfectionist and despised himself when he screwed up. Sensing the young man growing more tense with each passing mile, Gibbs knew exactly where this guy's head was at and needed him to put a stop to it once and for all.

Tim breathed out a huge sigh and tried to calm himself down; tried to make his body relax.

"Let's get back to talkin to the team. Do you agree that they need to be let in on what's going on, so they can help you?" Gibbs asked.

"Thought you said that everything could stay just between you and me." Tim worried truthfully.

"I did and I meant it. But I think you need to seriously think about letting your team in. Some of them are a big part of what's keeping you knocked off your feet. Do you think for one minute that if they knew this they wouldn't wanna help?"

"I seriously doubt it." McGee admitted. "I don't understand if we can keep it between us, what exactly am I supposed to be rethinking about letting them into?

"Only what pertains to them. McGee." Gibbs promised.

"Wish I'd recorded it so I didn't have to repeat it." Tim said under his breath, knowing Gibbs was right, but not looking forward to having to actually do the talking.

"McGee. Would it help if I talked to them?" the boss asked in all seriousness, at this point prepared to do whatever it took to get the door to this opened.

Tim turned to Gibbs in shock.

"Yeah, I know." Gibbs grinned. "Normally, I'm the first one in line to tell you to handle it yourself. But, in this case, Tim. I think someone more objective can handle it with a less stressful outcome. Like I said earlier, you've had a hell ova last couple of days and you're right, having to repeat any of it won't make it any easier on you. You game?"

"Are you kidding me? That would be... Boss, I don' even know what to say! Of course I'm game." Tim's relief was palpable. It lasted all of about thirty seconds. "Wait, Boss, you've already done...."

"McGee. Stop going there!" Gibbs demanded. "Stop thinking you need to grovel because you needed help. You still need help and not just from me. As long as your stop hiding from that fact and start accepting it, we're good. Understand?"

"Yes, Boss." Tim said with relief.

"Ok. This is how this is gonna go. I'll talk to the team and you; you will talk to a shrink. Starting tomorrow, you will cooperate with me on this and talk to a professional about **all** of this!"

Fear instantly crossed Tim's face and fixed itself into his eyes.

"What's the problem?" Gibbs asked as he tried to put his finger on what had Tim so scared.

"You already said I was gonna wind up committed!" Tim's voice shook, his fear was so palpable.

"McGee. I said if you continued to hurt yourself you would be committed. You wouldn't be leaving anyone any choice. Voluntarily getting help before you even want to hurt yourself again isn't the same thing."

"You promise?" Tim's desperate plea for reassurance was heartbreaking.

"Tim. I promise. No one's gonna commit you, unless you don't work at getting through this, constructively." Gibbs vowed.

"Okay. I can do this." Tim promised quietly.

"I know." Gibbs said with a genuine smile, reminding him that his boss still believed in him and still had faith in him.

For the first time in a long while, Tim returned a genuine smile of his own. "Thanks, Boss."


	16. Chapter 16

Tim's nerves attempted to rise up and suffocate him as he tried to prepare for the team breakfast the boss had told him he was walking into. Gibbs held his gaze and silently willed him to calm down after they had gotten out of the car and headed toward the house.

"How's the hand?" Gibbs asked, deliberatly changing the subject; knowing Ducky would be asking the same question of him shortly. Stopping in his trek, he waited for Tim to answer.

"It hurts." Tim admitted with a grimace as he stopped to answer truthfully.

"How bad?" Gibbs pushed, remaining in his spot while he awaited the reply.

"Like maybe I broke something." Tim answered regretfully, as he looked at Gibbs with shame.

"I don't think you did, but we'll let the expert tell us, huh? Keep it up til Ducky takes a look at it." Gibbs directed as he ushered the young man inside. He deliberately left Tim's emotions out of the conversation, as he didn't want the guy dwelling on it anymore.

He knew Tim was nervous, but he also knew that no one on the team except Tony and Ducky knew anything about anything, so in all likelihood, wouldn't give the young man anything further to be worried about.

"I need to talk to Ducky, first. Keep your arm up while you eat and Ducky'll look at it and give you something for the pain when you're done eating." Gibbs quietly told him before the team descended on them, ushering them into Gibbs' own dining room, where breakfast was laid out and everyone was waiting to dig in. Luckily, the damaged arm wasn't the one he used to eat with.

Tim, suddenly caught up in the wave that was his team mates sweeping him toward food and the chance to sit down and relax together and enjoy each other's company, with no talk of anything work related, actually found himself unwinding and relaxing. And, although he was still quiet; his withdrawn demeanor was gone and in its' place was someone making an effort to be a part of the group. When Ziva politely asked what happened to his arm, Tim told her the truth, of sorts, he admitted he'd punched the shower wall, but failed to mention that he'd done it more than once with the intention of hurting himself. That much would stay between Gibbs and himself, hopefully. Well, no, Gibbs had ordered him to divulge everything to a shrink, so it would become part of his record there. _No! don't go there, Tim! Get your mind back on where you're at!_ Tim scolded himself.

While Tony's eagle eyes didn't miss Tim's genuine effort; neither did they miss the stress that still spoke through his body language. The Senior Field Agent also didn't miss the fact that Gibbs and Ducky quickly escaped the rest of the group and disappeared. A glimmer of hope sparked in Tony. _Maybe, just maybe, Gibbs had made some progress in getting the ball rolling with getting Probie some help, starting with Ducky? Looks like Probie's hand is hurtin' him like hell, too. Sure hope Ducky and Gibbs get back here soon._

"Hey! Where'd the boss go?" Abby asked, obviously also catching on to the disappearance.

"He and Ducky went to go get more food from somewhere close by. They will be back soon." Ziva answered. The fact that Gibbs had whispered that tidbit of information into her ear as he and Ducky made their escape, had struck her as odd, but she'd bitten her tongue and just done as he asked; delivered the message if and when it had been needed.

* * *

"Jethro, what has happened since we last talked? I gather I've missed a lot." Ducky volunteered as they left the house and got into the car.

"Yeah, Duck. It's been a hell ova couple of days." Gibbs answered back honestly with exhaustion almost radiating off of him as he started the car and backed it out of the driveway.

"Jethro, I know we discussed Timothy's situation on Wednesday and as you know I was unavailable for the remainder of the work week. I was obligated to assist a fellow M.E. up in Baltimore for Thursday and Friday. That leaves a lot of time for something to have happened, so please, just bring me up to date on the young man's situation, if you would."as the younger man drove them to the store.

Gibbs related Tim's life from Gibbs' persepective where he didn't have Tim's to work from, and from Tim's persepective where he could, as he told Ducky what had transpired over the last couple of days. Gibbs didn't leave anything out. He knew Ducky needed the whole truth if he was gonna be able to be of the best help.

As they reached the store, Gibbs killed the engine and sat, waiting for the M.E.'s response.

"Oh my word, Jethro! Thank heavens, you listened to my advice and followed him home! I for one am certainly grateful that you stayed with him through it all. I know it isn't your preference to do that, but obviously you knew it was necessary in this case." Ducky exclaimed.

"Duck, If you think I wanted to leave him alone in any of this, I would have to say I'm disappointed that you don't know me better than that! I wasn't too thrilled with letting him try to work through it on his own to begin with, once I'd gotten that first phone call. I tried to keep an eye on him. It just didn't work out. I didn't think he needed to be put under a microscope. I'll admit it, Duck, I was wrong on that count."

Getting out of the car, they walked into the store and proceeded to pick up stuff for lunch, continuing thier conversation as they went about their shopping.

"It's quite possible that you were not wrong, Jethro. It is entirely possible that Timothy would have indeed just hidden everything from the scrutiny." Ducky reasoned.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinkin, Duck. That's why I gave him the space I did." Gibbs explained.

"Jethro, the important thing now is to make sure Timothy takes the necessary steps to talk this out with someone who can help him!" Ducky reminded his good friend and collegue.

* * *

Tim hid a half-smile behind his breakfast burrito. He knew Gibbs had pulled Ducky away so he could talk to him in complete confidence about what had been going on with Tim. McGee found himself thankful, once again, for the boss man's ingrained sense of tact and respect toward people's right to confidentiality. Looking around him, he suddenly found himself actually feeling included. From this angle of the team dynamics it was hard to find the flip-side that had plagued him for so long and hurt him so deeply.

While he didn't want to draw any attention to himself, he also didn't want to get sucked into this side of the team relationships; losing sight of the problems along the way. That was something that wouldn't help him no matter which way he looked at it. Eagle-eyed Tony saw the battle waging in Tim's eyes and even though he didn't understand the details, he knew enough that he felt the need to liven up this get-together before it went down hill. If Gibbs or Ducky had been here, they'd been able to read Tim better. But, for now, Tony would have to do the best he could to salvage this.

"Trivial Pursuit!" Tony declared as he went to Gibbs' cabinet in the corner and drug out the board game, now that they'd eaten as much breakfast as they were gonna eat. He didn't care who objected, so long as it got Tim out of his current state of thinking things to death.

"Tony, you've got to be kidding me! That's so "80's!" Abby complained.

"Okay. Flip a coin! Heads, you ladies set up the game and us guys clean up from breakfast. Tails, us guys get to set up the game and you ladies get stuck with clean up!" Tony insisted, secretly relieved to see a smile cross Tim's face as Probie watched this scene play out.

"I will flip the coin!" Ziva declared as Tim couldn't help but chuckle at her determination to make sure Tony didn't cheat.

"Okay. Here ya go, Zeevah!" Tony tormented her with his ever popular drawing out her name, knowing it bugged her. It always brought a smile to Tim's face when Tony did it, and right now, that's all that mattered to him. Maybe he couldn't be Tim's confidant yet, but at least he could keep him from thinking about anything, except the here and now and the fun it could be to be with the team off duty.

Ziva flipped the coin and as it landed, Tony laughed. "Yes! Guys get game set up, Ladies get breakfast clean-up!"

"We're used to it, Tony! Just make sure you don't cheat!" Abby declared as she and Ziva cleaned up the table and headed to the kitchen to clean it up as well. She knew something was going on and Tony had some idea what it was, but wasn't talking about it. She'd noticed Tim's mood swings, too. She also knew that Tim had avoided her for quite a while now and didn't understand why. Something told her that if she attempted to bring it up right now, the wrath of Tony would fall down on her for some reason, so she decided to wait it out. Maybe she'd get better feedback from Gibbs, anyway.

Ziva also noticed Tim's mood as well as Tony's preoccupation with McGee since Gibbs had arrived with McGee earlier. Something was definately going on. She knew it wasn't her place to get in the middle of what ever it was. If it had something to do with her, someone would let her know. She would insist on some answers before the day was over, either way. Tim was too important a friend to her to simply sit back and do nothing.

"Tony, how can you cheat at Trivial Pursuit?" Tim asked in absolute innocence, once the ladies had disappeared into the kitchen.

"Are you serious, Probie?" Tony asked in shock. "You read the answers on the back of the cards, man!"

* * *

As Gibbs and Ducky reached the check out, they put their conversation on hold. It wasn't until they stowed the groceries away and got back in the car that they picked up their discusion.

"Already in the works, Duck. I just need you to set it up so it doesn't go in his record. I already told him he has to talk to a professional. I promised him I'd talk to the team in return."

"Talk to them about what, Jethro? Surely you don't mean..." Ducky protested.

"About what he's upset with them about, Duck. Nothing more. Give me some credit, will ya? There's a lot going on in that brain of his and a big chunk of it is how Abby and Tony treat him. After hearing him out, I can see where he's coming from."

"Well, it's certainly about time, Jethro!" Ducky exclaimed. "That young man has shouldered it all and carried it around with him long enough! It's a wonder he's still here It's a darn good thing he values his place on your team so highly, Jethro, or he may very well have given up, long ago!"

Gibbs looked at the M.E. for a long silent minute. Having calmed his urge to throw something out there after Ducky's last remark, Gibbs simply turned the car on and drove back to the house. Each man lost in his own thoughts.

* * *

"Well, okay. But, you won't right? I mean it's just a game, there's no reason to not play it fair and square, right?" Tim pushed. He really didin't want to see any of them get into any squabbles today. He needed to be able to just enjoy the day while he could.

Tony started to argue the fine point of cheating, when he stopped, seeing Tim's serious plea for what it was. Knowing the guy had had a really rough couple of weeks, he didn't want to do anything to make this supposed time of fun and relaxation, anything but that for him.

"Right. We'll play it fair and square." Tony promised solomnly. He was really bothered by Tim obviously having something still on his mind and seriously itching to ask him to confide in him. Finally, he couldn't take it any more, he just had to ask.

"Hey, Probie, you know you can talk to me, right?" Tony asked, hoping his desire to help was obvious to his teammate.

Once again, Tim found himself wishing with all his heart, that he could talk to Tony. Hopefully, whatever Gibbs was gonna say to him, would help. Until then, Tim didn't dare venture in that direction. The best he could do, was to offer a hope that one day soon, he'd be able to talk to him.

"Thanks, Tony. Maybe, soon. I just can't right now." Tim's soft answer took any sting out of it Tony might have felt. The genuine desire to lean on Tony was actually visable to the older man. It was in Probie's tone as well as in his eyes. Something was holding back from doing it though. Tony was relieved to be able to see this more clearly now, than he'd been able to earlier in the day. It gave him hope that the battle wasn't over by a long shot.


	17. Chapter 17

Ducky and Gibbs made it back to the house in time to watch the game begin. As the group settled into their fun, Gibbs cast a silent eye over all of them, searching for hidden problems that might have come up while he and Ducky had left them unattended. Surprisingly, all seemed well, each one of his team members involved in the game, even if Tim was still quiet compared to the rest of them. Then again, one look at DiNozzo, and Gibbs knew exactly why all was well. Tony had taken on the guard duty while Gibbs was gone; the watchful expression in Tony's eyes was still there even now. Gibbs silently clasped Tony on the shoulder and squeezed his silent appreciation for a job well done; a self-appointed job, at that.

Tony smiled and silently nodded at Gibbs before turning his attention back to the game. Silently and as unobtrusively as possible, Ducky examined Tim's hand while the others took their turns at the game. Confident that Timothy had not broken any bones in the hand, but merely strained and bruised it severely, Ducky set about helping him don a sling and also helped him down some pain reliever, now that he'd eaten some breakfast. Patting the young man encouragingly on the shoulder when he was done, Ducky then retreated to the kitchen to join Jethro in a relaxing cup of coffee and a bit of overdue breakfast.

A short fifteen minutes later, the older men returned to watch the game, now in full swing, and surprisingly going on with no squabbles. Any disagreements that did arise were quickly compromised and the game continued. Gibbs found that strange and a bit unnerving. Something was going on here. Oh, well, he'd find out soon enough. He patiently waited until the game successfully produced a winner. With Tony winning, to no one's surprise, the remaining players agreed to continue on until the next person concluded their path to the winner's circle.

Gibbs immediately drew Tony aside and took him away from the house where they could talk in private.

"What's up, Boss?" Tony asked in concern.

"Tony, what was that? Since when do all of you get along so perfectly?" Gibbs asked guardedly. "What the hell's going on?"

"After Abby told me not to cheat and left the room, Probie begged me not to. He obviously didn't want to have to hear any squabbles. I figured he'd been through enough crap for a while. The least we could do was give him that much." Tony explained.

"Do the girls know?"" Gibbs asked in a much more calm tone, grateful for his Senior Field Agent stepping up and looking out for his teammates.

"Know that I made sure none of the squabbles got serious so he'd be able to relax and actually enjoy himself for a change? No."

"Tony, I gotta hand it to you. You've done a hell ova job being there for McGee, here lately." Gibbs offered in an uncharacteristic obvious offer of gratitude and appreciation.

"Thanks, Boss. I just wish it was enough." Tony admitted.

"Enough?"

"Yeah. I know you didn't want me to talk to him about anything personal, but I couldn't stand the way he was getting sucked back into his overloaded mind while you were gone, Boss. I had to say something." Tony fessed up.

"What. Did. you. say." Gibbs asked in carefully measured tones, trying desperately not to over react before he heard the whole story.

"I just asked him if he realized he could come to me if he needed to talk." Tony explained.

Gibbs let out a sigh of relief. "That's it?"

"Yeah. It wasn't much, but it sure made me feel better to be able to say it to him. I got the feeling that he wants to talk to me, Boss. It was in his eyes and his voice when he told me that he couldn't right now but "hopefully, soon." Tony said with hope.

Gibbs knew that Tim just needed Tony to accept and work through what Gibbs needed to tell him on his behalf.

"You're right, Tony. He does want to be able to lean on you. He heard us talking about it earlier. W talked about it. There's too much stuff between you that still affects who he is, though. And Tony, if you aren't ready to hear it, just say the word. But, if you are, I'll explain it to you.

"Boss, I am more than ready. You know I wanna help him. Of course, I wanna know why he can't come to me!"

"Okay. That means you don't complain about what I tell you. This is coming straight from McGee. You're willing to hear it means you don't give him any grief about it. You need to be able to help him work through it.

"Got it, Boss. I can handle it." Tony promised.

"Okay. Start with the online dating setup." Gibbs told him. He couldn't get the wounded look that had taken up residence in Tim's eyes when the young man had finally gone off about it, out of his mind.

"I don't understand, Boss. He turned it around on me and got that one over on me. Why would it still bother him?"

"In McGee's own words, Tony:

_"Just because I finally got a chance to turn his meanness back on him; doesn't mean it didn't hurt that he would do that; knowing how hard it is for me to get a girlfriend in the first place! If he didn't spend so much time mocking me for the very things he pretended to share an interest in when he did that; it wouldn't have been so bad. But, just because I don't let you or him see how something affects me, doesn't mean it isn't there."_

"Oh, God! Boss, he's right!" Tony exclaimed, suddenly feeling like a heel.

"Yeah, Tony. I figured he was. McGee doesn't get that upset unless he's right." Gibbs reasoned quietly; disheartened at having to put Tony through this on top of Tim already feeling the pain of it all.

"I don't understand. Whattaya mean, that upset?" Tony pushed to hear all of it. He finally had what he wanted, information about what was going on with Tim and he wasn't about to chicken out on hearing all of it just because it was about something he'd done to screw up.

"It was in his eyes. He wasn't hiding any of it. They were haunted and angry. His voice was full of bitterness and pain." Gibbs didn't pull any punches. He couldn't if he expected his two surrogate sons to make a clean slate of it. Tim had asked him to do this, knowing Gibbs would do it how he saw fit. Tony needed to know just how much this incident affect McGee. Maybe knowing the entire scope of the effect, would help Tony not only learn from it, but help him talk to McGee about it with more understanding.

Tony's eyes clouded over with the realization of the hurt he'd caused so callously. He hadn't meant to hurt Probie. He'd only been having fun, trying to test him and broaden his experience with the hidden perils of the world outside his MMORPG's, rare collections, and his writings. _God, if he could take it back, he would, in a heartbeat._

Biting the bullet, he manned up and asked for the rest of whatever he had coming. "There's more, isn't there?" Tony's voice left no doubt that he fully expected the axe to fall.

"Tony, some of this is not your fault. Keep that in mind when you hear it. It just happens to be something you said at a really bad time for him that has stuck with him." Gibbs tried to explain.

"Okay. Go ahead, Boss. Let her rip." Tony braced himself for the worst.

_"Self Helpless"  
"Why didn't he shoot McGee?"  
"You owe that terrorist a thank you, Probie. He saved your life!"_  
"_Dead Agent walking."  
"McNever has a date!"_

"That's it?" Tony asked in shock. "Wait, a minute!"  
Tony!." Gibbs interrupted him. "Remember, he doesn't blame you for this, it's just part of what's stuck in his head on repeat. When you put it with what 'Amanda' did to him, it fits with perfect sense. Doesn't make you responsible."

"Yeah. Okay. I get it." Tony said reluctantly.

"Yeah?" Gibbs double checked.

"Yeah. I do. really. I don't know how to fix it, but I get it." Tony admitted.

"That's a start. No one's expecting you to have the magic fix, Tony. But, you needed to know where he was coming from. Why he's afraid to go to lean on you. Stop and think when the last time was that you took him seriously, before now." Gibbs further explained. "We both know that a lot of his reluctance to come to you stems from how you treat him at work. He's just so buried under the pain of what this woman, and every other woman he's ever tried to date; that it's all he can think about right now. That and all the people he feels responsible for since he's been on the team. So, it would probably be wise to address the work situation even if he doesn't bring it up. This is really important, Tony."

"Yeah. I know, Boss. I know this is serious." Tony promised.

"Serious enough I don't want him left alone for more any length of time right now." Gibbs told him.

"What?" Tony was shocked. "You mean what happened this morning..."

"Is not open for discussion. It's an order to be followed until I or Ducky tells you otherwise. And it goes no further than right here! Got it?" Gibbs steel tone left no room for argument

"Yeah. I got it, Boss."

"Think you can take it with him from here? You ready to be there for him, knowing you need to iron this out with him?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah. I got this, Boss." Tony promised.

"Okay. Remember, get him to work through it. Don't let this disintegrate any worse." Gibbs pushed for his agenda to be taken seriously.

"Got it. Really, Boss. I got it." Tony promised again.

"Okay. You think you can handle crashing here tonight, keeping him company?" Gibbs asked, hoping Tony would accept the challenge for just that.

"Yeah, Boss. I got it. You can take the night off." Tony said in all seriousness. "I know you're short on sleep."

Gibbs smiled at him. "Thanks. DiNozzo."

As they headed back into the house, they both felt better and were ready to do what needed to be done. The game had been put away, the remainder of the players had all seen it through to the end, with Abby coming in second and Tim a graceful, last place. He didn't care, it had been fun and relaxing and that's all that mattered.

Tony carted Tim and Ziva off to the living room to watch a movie while Gibbs took Abby aside.

"Gibbs, what's going on with Timmy?" Abby wasted no time in asking her question. It had been bugging her all day.

"What makes you ask?" Gibbs dug for her motives.

"Gibbs! He's been avoiding me for weeks now. You haven't' sent him down to my lab and he hasn't come down on his own! Tony's been watchin him like a hawk the whole time you and Ducky've been gone. Timmy's been quiet all day and I already know he's been really withdrawn at work for a while now, cause Tony and Ziva asked me if I knew what was wrong days ago!" Abby's tirade finally came to a stop.

"Yeah, you've pretty much got it pegged, Abby. There's just one problem." Gibbs told her.

"What did I miss?" Abby asked, upset that there was even something else wrong.

"Help me understand what runs through your mind when you think of McGee." the boss directed unexpectedly.

"Gibbs, I'm not followin you." Abby admitted.

"Simple, Abby. When you think of McGee, what goes through your mind? What about him draws you to him?"

"Gibbs, he's honest, he's trustworthy, dependable, and strong, always there for me, never says no to me, loves me despite my flaws." Abby explained.

"That it?" Gibbs asked in surprise.

"Well, no. There's his intelligence, his compassion, his willingness to always see the good in people before the bad. Why?" Abby asked.

"You said he loves you. How?" Gibbs persisted.

"He's always loved me." Abby answered without hesitation.

"Not what I asked, Abby.' Gibbs pushed with growing irritation.

"He's never stopped loving me, I guess." Abby said almost carelessly.

"In. What. Way?" Gibbs impatience was beginning to make itself known.

"He'd marry me tomorrow if I wanted him to." Abby gloated.

"Abby, what do you remember about your breakup?" Gibbs asked, tactfully changing the subject just enough to let his anger simmer back down.

"Gibbs! I never thought I'd see the day when you went there!" Abby declared

"Abby, just answer the question!" Gibbs ordered in his no nonsense tone.

"He wanted a serious commitment and I wasn't ready for it." Abby explained quietly.

"Yeah? How'd he take it?" Gibbs asked, already knowing full well, Tim's version of how it affected him.

"He took it as well as he could, under the circumstances." Abby said in Tim's honor.

"That' how you saw it? What exactly does that mean, Abby? Was he upset, was he perfectly okay; was he bothered by it at all, what?" Gibbs pushed.

"He was hurt and upset. We didn't talk for a couple of days." Abby admitted.

Gibbs was surprised to hear that. He hadn't known about that." Okay. Then what happened?" he pushed, his gut telling him that he was getting down to the beginning of the ongoing crisis between these two.

"After three days of not hearing from him, I called him like a thousand times until he got tired of it and finally answered my call. We've been okay ever since." Abby explained.

"Is that what you really believe?" Gibbs asked in surprise mixed with disappointment. _How could she not clearly see the problem? Did she really not think past getting what she wanted out of the deal?_

"Gibbs! What is it that you know that I don't?" Abby demanded.

Abby, you're right. McGee's had a rough couple of weeks." Gibbs stated.

"I know, Gibbs! But, what does it have to do with me?" Abby asked in confusion.

"You said you know he's had it rough. Tell me why." Gibbs pushed, not answering Abbys' question.

"Why, what? Why he's had it rough?" Abby asked, still confused.

"Yeah, Abby. What do you know about what he's been through in the last two weeks.?" Gibbs asked.

"Well, I know he was crazy about Amanda and the fact that she tried to kill him really upset him. I tried to make sure he was okay, but he brushed me off."

"That it?"

"No. For some reason he hasn't been eating or sleeping much. Tony and Ziva told me that when they asked if I knew what was going on with him."

"But, as far as you know, that's what's bothering him? This situation with 'Amanda'?" Gibbs asked, still not satisfied with her answers.

"That's all I know of." Abby admitted.

"What did you tell him the other day?" Gibbs changed the subject just a hair.

"I told him that Eric from the LA office will be spending his 2 week vacation with me." Abby answered without a hitch.

"Mmm hhm." Gibbs murmured. "Okay. Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna answer your question."

"What's wrong with McGee?"Abby asked hopefully.

"No. You asked me what you missed. I'm prepared to tell you. You sure, you're ready to listen?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes, if it helps me figure out what's wrong with Timmy!" Abby vowed.

"What I'm about to tell you, Abby; is in Tim's own words. You think you can remember that? I'm just the messenger here, all right?" Gibbs reminded her.

"Yeah. I got it. You're just the messenger." Abby agreed.

"Okay.

_"What's your problem with Abby?_

_"You mean besides the fact that while she rejected me, she continues to flaunt her continuous stream of new choices in my face? Nothing. I just can't swallow it anymore. For someone as intelligent as she is; she's pretty clueless as to how much her rejection hurt. Right now, it's the last straw. I'm sorry if it's creating a problem at work. I really do appreciate you not making me talk to her_

Again, as with Tony, Gibbs decided to throw no punches. He gave Abby exactly as Tim had expressed it to him, knowing it was the only way Abby would fully understand the scope of the problem. Seeing her fight to hold in her tears didn't make him feel any better. Not knowing if her tears were for Tim or herself, didn't help him figure it out. But, he'd done what he could to pave the way for Tim to work on his relationships with the team. The rest was up to the individual team members.

As he led a crying Abby back to the house, he stopped her for a minute and encouraged her to pull herself together and talk to him.

"I can't." Abby cried.

"Why not?" Gibbs asked in bewilderment.

"Because you're on Timmy's side!" Abby declared.

"Abby, I'm not taking sides. You know me better than that. "What's going on?"

"I'm just so angry that he would tell you something so hurtful!" Abby said with anger.

Gibbs fought hard to keep his anger in check. When he'd managed to temper his tone with just enough steel to be taken seriously, he finally answered her with enough authority and bite in his voice, it would leave no doubt that she wouldn't want to cross him on this:

"Abby. I can't help you understand this any better. But, I can tell you this. Until you can put away this anger toward McGee, I expect you to continue to steer clear of him. I mean it!"


	18. Chapter 18

_CORRECTED CHAPTER. I Apologise._

_A/N: Long Chapter containing a very long conversation.  
Possibility of Characters going a little off base, although not intentionally.  
__**Warning:** Several flashbacks to Kate's Death included in this chapter.  
**WARNING**: Have a tissue handy.__  
Enjoy!_

* * *

Pulling out his phone, Gibbs called Ducky. He didn't want to leave Abby crying outside alone and he damn sure didn't want her going in the house and upsetting everyone. They were having a great day of hanging out together and spending time relaxing and enjoying each other's company. No one needed that spoiled with bad feelings, angry conversations or tears. But, as angry as he was himself right now, he needed to be able to walk away real soon.

"Jethro, everything all right?" the anxious M.E. asked.

"Not really, Duck, What about in there with you?"

"Ziva and the boys are peacefully watching a movie. Everything's fine."

"Okay. Abby needs a ride home." Gibbs told him, knowing the M.E. would know what he was asking for.

"Jethro, allow me to do the honor. I believe Anthony said something about you needing some sleep." Ducky reminded him.

"Yeah, Duck, he's right, I do." Gibbs admitted.

"I will come back to watch over Timothy if you would like." Ducky offered.

"Thanks, Duck, but Tony's got it covered. Why don't you call it a day after you take Abby home?"

"All right, Jethro. I'll'' be right out."

Gibbs waited until Ducky got to the car before he headed into his house to check on the others before taking himself off to his room for a nap. He was exhausted and he trusted Tony to take care of things for him; to look after the others and himself. And he knew Ducky would not only get Abby home safely, but he'd talk some sense into her, too.

* * *

"Let's go home, my dear." Ducky requested of the Goth. Her tears surprised him and her silence unnerved him even as she did as he requested, silently getting in his car and buckling herself in.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong, Abby?" Ducky invited soothingly as he drove them to her apartment.

"Ducky! Timmy told Gibbs something really hurtful about me!" Abby cried. "He's my best friend, why would he do that?"

"Ah. So Jethro shared some of Timothy's deepest pain with you, did he?" Ducky asked almost off-handedly.

"What? Deepest pain? Some of? Ducky, you mean..." Abby couldn't finish her question as this new spin on what she'd been handed earlier, suddenly spun her own world off kilter.

_"For someone as intelligent as she is; she's pretty clueless as to how much her rejection hurt."_

"Yes, Abigail, Timothy has nursed this pain from your break up for a very long time. He has been quite the gentleman about the whole thing, don't you think? Who else would work side by side with you day after day and do everything you ask of him, even if it breaks the rules and gets him into trouble with Jethro; whom he thinks the world of and hates to have angry with him?" Ducky asked conversationally.

"No one." Abby agreed meekly.

"Quite right, my dear. And yet, you never cease to ask these things of him. Tell me, Abby, has it ever occurred to you how much hurt you cause that fine young man with your constant boasting of new boyfriends and dates to him like trophies? Did it never occur to you that you were rubbing his nose in your rejection of him?" Ducky asked with a bit more color to his tone.

"No. I guess, it hadn't, Ducky. I never thought about it like that. I mean, Timmy's my friend, so I share what makes me happy with him.

"_You mean besides the fact that while she rejected me, she continues to flaunt her continuous stream of new choices in my face? _

"No matter if it breaks his heart?" Ducky asked pointedly. "How much of a good friend have you been to him when he's had a relationship go sour on him? Or when he tries to tell you no about something you've asked him to do?"

"Oh! Oh, Ducky, what do I do?" Abby cried, having finally seen the light and realized how cruel she'd been to her best friend. "I never meant to hurt him!"

_I just can't swallow it anymore_

"What did Jethro tell you to do?" Ducky needed to know. "He sounded quite angry."

"He..told..me..that...if ... I couldn't...get over...being ...angry...at ....Timmy.... that I had...to stay...away...from...him!" Abby managed to get out through her fresh bout of tears.

"He's quite right, my dear. Timothy has more than enough on his plate at the moment. He cannot handle any additional stress." Ducky reinforced the order he was grateful Jethro had laid down.

"I understand. I'll leave him alone." Abby promised with resignation as she stemmed the flow of her tears and dried her eyes. "I'm probably the last person he wants to see right now."

"That might be a good idea, at least for the next day or so, Abby. Rest assured you will know when Timothy is ready for company and relationship mending." Ducky promised.

"Thanks, Duck man." Abby said somberly as she kissed him on the cheek and got out of the car; walking up to her apartment and waving down at him from her window so Ducky would know she'd made in to her apartment safe and sound. She never let him walk her up before dark. She said there was no need. Dragging herself over to her couch, she plopped down, grabbing a pillow to squeeze, she laid back and set about doing some serious thinking.

* * *

Once inside his house, Gibbs silently checked on his agents, happy to see that Tim was napping on his couch with Tony and Ziva still engrossed in the movie. Taking the time to look Tim over more carefully discreetly, from the doorway, the boss was relieved to see no serious signs of extreme exhaustion or further stress in his sleeping agent. It appeared that his sleep was at long last, peaceful.

As he shifted his gaze over to Ziva and Tony, both of them got up and headed in his direction.

"You two are welcome to stay and watch movies. I'm gonna go crash for a couple hours. Come get me if you need anything." Gibbs looked pointedly at Tony, silently placing him officially on watch duty.

Tony nodded his understanding and answered the question he knew Gibbs wouldn't ask openly in front of Ziva, knowing it would draw unwanted attention to Tim.

"Probie must really hate this movie, it's almost over and he was asleep before we were ten minutes into it! Remind me to add it to the list of things to razz him about." Tony winked at Gibbs while Ziva frowned at what she saw as his continued need for harassing McGee.

Gibbs nodded as he smiled and headed off to his room; leaving as Ziva turned on Tony. His Senior Field Agent was now stuck dealing with an unhappy Ninja chick. Right now, Gibbs got the feeling, Tony could handle just about anything.

* * *

It was dark when Gibbs woke up. He felt stiff and sore all over, like he'd slept for a solid week. _What time was it anyway? 3:00 AM? What the hell happened?_

Turning on his bedside lamp after he'd looked at his watch, Gibbs found a note sitting there for him in Tony's writing.

_Boss:_

_You needed the sleep  
Everything's fine.  
Ziva went home at 7  
Probie's been in and out of his peaceful Mcdreamworld  
Go back to sleep._

_Tony._

Gibbs couldn't help but smile. Tony had done a bang-up job, once again, of taking care of the team while he couldn't. Still, there was no way he was gonna go back to sleep without at least checking on his guys. As his aches and stiffness worked to keep him from moving, he paid them back by taking a hot shower.

Once he felt better and more awake, he took himself through the house, first checking the guest bedroom and finding it empty, he headed to the kitchen and went to make coffee, only to find a note on the appliance. Another genuine smile crossed Gibbs' face as he read it.

_Boss:  
__Already set up, just turn it on.  
-__Tim_

As he turned the coffeemaker on and waited for it to be done, he took himself toward the living room to check on Tim and Tony, freezing in his path as he heard their voices in the midst of a conversation:

_"Tony, I don't want to rehash anything. I'm not even expecting you to change. I guess I'm just looking for some kind of guarantee that the big brother I need is there somewhere, not just the college frat brother I don't need. I'm sorry if that hurts or sounds hateful. I just can't find any other way to explain it."_

_"It's okay, Probie. I get it. I'm sorry I didn't get it sooner."  
"Thanks, Tony. You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that."_  
_"I know you've had a really rough couple of weeks, and I'm sorry you couldn't come to me."_

_"Thanks, Tony. But, I think it was good that Gibbs rescued me, it sounds twisted but a big part of me needed to know that he cared. Him rescuing me proved he does care enough to do it."_

_"You set out to make Gibbs rescue you?" Tony's shock bounced off the walls._  
_"What? No! I may have been out of it, but I would never do that to Gibbs!"_  
_"Whew! I mean, I know you think the world of him and everything, Probie, but..."  
"Tony. You've had his approval since you got to this team. I've been bustin my tail to get it for six years now!"  
__"Probie, you forgettin boss man put you on his team, personally?"  
"No, Tony. I've never forgotten that. Never been able to measure up to it either, apparently."_  
_"What the hell are you talkin' about?"  
__"C'mon, Tony, you know how seldom he asks me if I'm okay when something 'hinky' happens to me! How often he's bustin my chops cause I don't have the right answers or have them soon enough!" _

_"So, him rescuing you, somehow makes it work out for you?" What did he rescue you from?  
__"Yeah, Tony. It's hard to explain, but it does. I don't have any doubts any more. I know now that he cares about me as much as he does the rest of the team."_

_"Wait. You mean you doubted **that**?"  
__"Yeah. I did."  
__"Man, Probie! Now, I **really** wish you'd a come to me sooner. I'd a beat you over the head with the **real **truth if I'd known about your half-baked truth! There's not a shred of doubt in any of us that he cares about **all **of us!"_

_"It was different for me, Tony. But, it's over, for the most part, anyway. It's mostly all good now."  
"What did he rescue you from?"_  
_"I don't wanna go there, right now, Tony. Please?"_  
_"Okay. So, then, what's on your mind? And what do you mean 'for the most part'?"_  
_"You ever have stuff stuck in your head that you can't get out? Things people have said, things you've done?  
__"Yeah, doesn't everybody?  
__"What about people who've died because you screwed up? Never mind. I didn't mean that personally against you. I just..."  
__"Probie, you still carrying those people around with you, I get it. Doesn't make you responsible."_

_"Yeah, Tony it does. Nothing can change that. Just like nothing can change the fact that I'm not good enough to find a decent woman who wants me for who I am. Put it all together, Tony, the people I've gotten killed; the women who decided I was only good to be slept with and used, oh, and let's not forget, murdered. Whattaya get?"_

_"Probie..."  
"Whattaya get when you put it all together, Tony?"  
"A pretty trampled on heart, to say the least."  
"Yeah. To say the least."  
"So, how've you been handling it?"  
"Doesn't matter. I just need to know. How do I make it stop?"  
"I dunno, Tim. I've never had all that compounded on me like that."  
"How did you really deal with it?"  
"With what?"  
"Your first kill."  
"I told you bout that when you were struggling over killing Benedict. I pissed my pants. I appreciate you keeping that secret all these years, like I asked you to, by the way."_

_"Not what I mean, Tony."  
"You mean in my head?"_  
_"Yeah."_

_"Tim, didn't you tell me that Gibbs assured you that he would have fired at Benedict, just like you did? Didn't he tell you that you didn't do anything wrong?"_

_"He never said I didn't do anything wrong."  
__"Okay. In Gibbs speak, him telling you that he would have done the same thing? Is telling you that you didn't do anything wrong."  
__SILENCE FOR TWO HEARTBEATS  
"__Probie, don't look at me like that! I know you don't speak Gibbs speak as well as I do, but trust me on this one, okay?"  
__"Tony."  
__Yeah?"  
__"You think Gibbs blamed me for Kate's death?"  
__"What? NO! Why would you even think that?"  
__"Did you?"  
__"No!"  
__"Tony. Please, think hard on this. Think back to that night in the squad room."_

**FLASHBACK**

Gibbs is examining a hole in the controller briefcase.  
Gibbs: When was this hit, Tim?  
McGee: When I was pinned down.  
Gibbs: Ari have a shot at it?  
McGee: Our car was between the controller and the terrorist. There was no way he could have hit it. Boss, I'm-I'm sorry, I should have realized it was Ari.

DiNozzo: Why didn't he pop McGee?  
McGee: Oh, thanks, Tony.  
DiNozzo: All I'm saying is, you're a sizable target. The controller isn't.  
McGee: You saying I'm fat?  
DiNozzo: No. I mean, maybe a little around the waist, under the chin.  
Gibbs: He didn't have an angle on Tim.  
DiNozzo: Wow. You owe that shooter from the warehouse a thank you. He saved your life.

***END FLASHBACK**

_"Probie! Are you tellin me that you've believed for all these years, that Gibbs and I blamed you for Kate's death?"  
"Yeah. That's the 'for the most part'."  
"Why didn't you come to me about this sooner? Why would live with this tearing you up inside like this?"  
__"Same reason I begged Gibbs to talk to you for me tonight. I didn't think you'd take me seriously or even care, Tony."  
"Because I've treated you like crap all these years?"  
"Yeah"  
"Doesn't explain why you wouldn't clear it up with Gibbs, Tim"  
__"Would you? If you thought he blamed you, would you have come right out and asked him?"  
"No. No, I guess I wouldn't have."  
SILENCE FOR TWO HEARTBEATS  
"__So, you're saying that you put up with everything from us; and didn't quit, because you figure it was our payback to you because we blamed you for Kate's death?"_

_"Somethin like that, yeah."  
"Because Ari shot at you first and missed? You figure if he'd hit you, he wouldn't have even thought about going after us up on that roof?"  
"Yeah."_

_"You do realize that the other possibility is that he would have done it anyway? You really think he would have stopped with popping you? If you recall, he had 'a thing' for Kate. Besides, we know, now that with Ziva's background info on all of us, Ari was persecuting Gibbs the whole time, going after the women he worked with, to hurt Gibbs as much as possible." _

_"I know Tony. Somehow, it doesn't take away the gut feeling I had then and still feel when I think about it. Actually, makes me feel even worse. If he'd gotten me that night, Kate would still be here. Gibbs wouldn't have had to go through that pain. No one would have."_

_"And what, the pain of losing you never worth considering in your mind?"  
"I was the brand new "Probie" Big difference, there, Tony."  
__"You think so? To answer your question, Probie. No. Gibbs doesn't blame you and I never did either. If you ever thought for a single minute that either of us blamed you, I am so sorry."_

_"Honestly? Swear to God, honest, Tony?"  
"Yeah, Tim. I promise you. I never blamed you. Ever."  
"Thank you. I've needed to hear that for a long time now."  
"All you had to do was ask, Tim. I wouldn't have given you a second of grief about it. I'm really hurt that you would think I would."  
"I'm sorry, Tony. I am. I just couldn't take that chance."  
"You'd rather live with guilt and blame that isn't yours to carry?"  
"Then risk being laughed at or made fun of or considered weak for needing to talk about it, yeah. Especially if it meant reopening old wounds or finding out I was right all along."_

"Jeez, McGee."  
_"I think, deep down inside, Gibbs did blame me, Tony, probably still does."  
"Why would you think that?"_

_**FLASHBACK**  
__McGee: (as Gibbs runs his finger around a large hole in the car's side) Ari missed with his first shot, hit the controller with the second.  
Gibbs: Where were you before you took cover?  
McGee: (moving around the car) Uh, right here. (Squats down to demonstrate)  
Gibbs: (judging bullet trajectory) Tony's right. You do owe that terrorist a thank you._

_~~~~~~~~~~~  
(McGee looks at the hole, then away)__Gibbs: My old friend. The Marine M3-A1 sniper rifle. (He picks it up reverently and then aims it at a wall)  
McGee: Sweet!  
Gibbs: Sweet?  
McGee: Uh, yeah, it's a, uh, expression, it means…  
Gibbs: Yeah, I know what it means, McGee. You think Ari looked sweet when he shot Kate? (He replaces the rifle)  
McGee: of course not, Boss. _

_***END FLASHBACK**_

_"Man, Probie, sometimes I wish your brain would just shut down on you. No damn wonder you're so sensitive around Gibbs!"  
"Ya think?"_

_"No one is gonna be able to make you believe differently. You know this, right? I mean, you've got it pretty set in your head that you're responsible. You've attributed every mis-step and wrong word ever said to you by me and Gibbs to your fact that we blame you for Kate's death. Am I in the ballpark here, Probie?"_

_"Knocked it clear outta the park."  
"How much of this has to do to with the last two weeks?"  
"Call it the foundation."  
"Oh, man. And let me guess. Somehow you blame yourself for Pacci and Paula, too?"  
"Tony. If I had found the case Pacci was looking for sooner, he'd still be here. Same thing with the names on that Conference Guest list. If I'd run those names faster, Paula would still be here."_

_"Man, you just think you're superman, don't you?"  
"No. Tony. If you think this is me tooting my own horn, then you're misunderstanding me."  
"I know you don't usually toot your own horn, McGee. But,.."  
"Tony. It's the facts. Deductive reasoning, if you will. Facts, just the same."  
"So, along with the women you've dated, you've got all these people's deaths still sitting there like deadweights bogging you down."  
"Yeah."  
"Anything else in the pile?"  
"Erin and the guys that crazy Landon killed because of my book."  
"Didn't Kate tell you that Erin's death wasn't your fault?"  
"Yeah, she did. She even brought me a cup of coffee to cheer me up while I sat on the back of the ambulance that night."  
"Then, why would you still carry that one, Probie, I don't understand."  
"Because, Gibbs didn't."  
"You're serious?"  
"Yeah, Tony. I'm serious."  
"Wait. He told you that you did a good job on the report. We know he was proud of you for writing her parents that letter of condolence!"  
"C'mon, Tony, even you know that's nowhere close to the same thing. Besides, it's wasn't just that."  
"Probie, it was your first case as lead investigator. A learning experience; with a tragic ending, but that does not make you responsible!"  
"How do I get my heart to believe that, Tony?"_

_"I don't know, Tim. Really, I don't. This isn't something I would usually ever say to someone, but I think in this case; where you're so overloaded with everything, maybe you should talk to a professional who helps people work through this stuff."_

_"Already been ordered to do that."  
"You're a stronger man than I am. If I had all that weighing me down for as long as you have, I think I would have probably killed myself."  
SILENCE  
"_Probie?"  
SILENCE  
_"Tim?  
SILENCE  
__No! You have thought about it! Haven't you?"  
SILENCE  
__"Tim? C'mon. Tell me, I'm not mocking you or judging you. I'm here for you, man. Talk to me!"  
The sound of sobbing filled the air  
"Oh, Tim. C'mere! It's all right man. We'll get you through this. I promise."_

* * *

Standing out in the hallway, letting the wall hold him up, Gibbs fought to stay silent and still as his own tears continued to flow.


	19. Chapter 19

Gibbs did his level best to pull himself together. He needed to be there for both his boys now. It wasn't right to expect Tony to handle this alone. Then again, it wasn't right to yank it away from him either; he was doing such a fine job of being the big brother Tim needed him to be. Together, they could get Tim through this and show him he was important and needed and okay even. The glaringly obvious fact now stared Gibbs in the face: all was not as well between Tim and himself as he'd falsely led himself to believe throughout the six years he'd been fortunate enough to have the young man on his team. Gibbs had obviously managed to pull the wool over his own eyes over the years, hurting the younger man in the process.

Once Tim recovered from the shock of Tony's genuine comforting and consoling, he was able to let go, let it almost all out. Relishing the physical comfort he'd long craved in a big brother, he allowed himself to drop the reins on his emotional control, let Tony be the strong one. He'd never been so grateful to have Tony in his life as he was at this very moment, even as he was mid-meltdown.

Tony felt a wave of compassion unlike any he'd ever felt for Tim, except in the times Probie had gotten hurt, of course. Holding him up; feeling the strength of his pain through the tears and tremors, actually rattled the older man. He'd known this guy for six long years and had no clue that this much pain was hiding underneath the person Tim presented to the world. Tony wasn't upset that Tim hadn't been honest about himself. Heck, the Senior Field Agent knew he was in no position to throw any stones in that arena. Tony was upset that Tim had gone this long alone, not feeling free to talk to someone. No wonder he'd lost his footing with this latest crap from that woman. He'd been hanging on by a thread to begin with! Tony could only hope that they could help Tim find his feet again now that he'd been given the chance to get things out.

The dogged determination that had driven the his younger agent to handle all of this silently and alone made much more sense to Gibbs now. It was no wonder Tim had searched for, given serious thought to, and even attempted different ways to escape from and even stop his pain. But, there was more going on here. Gibbs' gut was screaming at him that something much more painful in the young man's life had caused this eruption in his agent's psyche; something Tim needed to get out. He could only hope, they would be able to help Tim get to the place where the young man would be able to let it out, as well.

As the sobs coming from his living room continued, Gibbs lost the fight to stand silently by, knowing he'd caused a good deal of the pain Tim was allowing himself to share and let out. The boss needed and wanted to fix it and now. Cautious because he didn't want Tim to think he was spying on him or trying to violate his trust, Gibbs stopped to think about the best way to integrate himself into this. He needed Tim to know without a shadow of a doubt that he was only concerned about helping him through this. Caught up in his concern for Tim and intent on helping the young man, Gibbs didn't even realize his own eyes had begun to mist again as he moved away from the wall and headed into the living room. Stepping silently through the doorway, He wasn't surprised to find Tony's arms wrapped around Tim as the older agent continued to do his best to console and anchor the younger one. The boss was relieved to find them both standing, as it would make it so much easier to envelope them both in a much needed embrace to solidify the fact that he cared for them both as human beings and not just when they were on the job.

As he silently did just that, repeatedly whispering words of heartfelt apology as he did so: _"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."_

Feeling Gibbs add his comforting and support to the mix, and hearing his whispered but obviously genuine apology blew Tim's mind and shocked him for a second. The added comfort and security soon outweighed the initial panic. As Tim fought to put his emotions back under lock and key, he also continued to fight the additional panic that rode in on the realization that hit him; Gibbs now most likely knew everything he'd just shared with Tony, things he'd never been able to tell the boss before_._

Both of his boys tensed up, for a mere second at Gibbs' physical support and verbal apology, before both of them relaxed and allowed their surrogate father to comfort them. Gibbs sent up a silent word of thanks. This was long overdue and hopefully, now things would get better.

It seemed as though Gibbs' adding his comfort and apology to Tony's soothing anchoring, settled Tim's emotions down rather quickly and before too long, the young man stepped back from both of them, looked at each of them in turn, giving them each a small smile of thanks and appreciation, and took himself over to the sliding glass doors, to stare out at the moonlit night, probably seeking a sense of serenity.

The obvious results going on here and now were mind boggling for Tim. Gibbs wasn't angry, he was sorry! How the man had come to hear his conversation with Tony was cause for some speculation; as was exactly how much of it he might have heard. But in the end, it didn't really matter to Tim. There was no way he could be angry with Gibbs, whether the man had deliberately eavesdropped or not. Besides, somewhere deep down inside, Tim knew Gibbs had accidentally stumbled into it and had been compelled to stop in his tracks and listen. Tim didn't care. The die was cast and things that had needed to be said had been heard by the people who had needed to hear it. It could only get better from here, right?

Both older men stepped back and put their own emotions back in check, turning almost in tandem to check on their younger wounded family member. Tim was quiet for so long, both Tony and Gibbs had begun to worry, when he finally turned to them with a hesitant, yet hopeful expression on his face. While he was grateful that Gibbs now at least had heard what he'd needed him to know, he was anxious about finding his way out of this mess. There were still pieces too big for him to handle alone and suddenly, the thought of having to tell a stranger scared the hell out of him. He needed his friends and family to help him, not a stranger who would just read from a card, some standard rhetoric that wouldn't help. That thought dimmed the ray of hope that had risen up in Tim's heart.

Tony knew that look meant Tim had more he needed to talk about. The fact that he didn't seem upset about Gibbs' sudden appearance offered the Senior Field Agent a spark of hope. Maybe Tim had figured out for himself that Gibbs had probably heard everything and had accepted the responsibility where it was his to take. Whether or not Tim was actually upset about it remained to be seen. Tony hoped there wouldn't be any steps backwards from this point.

"Boss, I know how you feel about omissions but..." Tim's soft words full of apology needed to be stopped because they were not necessary.

"Tim. you have _nothing _to be sorry about or feel guilty about, _nothing_." Gibbs just as quietly promised him.

"I am sorry you had to hear all that." Tim offered with obvious regret.

"What? Why? Tony asked in rapid-fire disbelief.  
"You shouldn't be." Gibbs firmly but quietly told him without blinking an eye.

The simultaneous answers from Tony and Gibbs brought a smile to Tim's face. He directed that smile at Tony before toning it down and turning to Gibbs, obviously still unsettled with this sudden turn of events.

"How much did you hear?" Tim asked with concern.

"Beginning with you telling Tony you needed the caring big brother instead of the frat boy." Gibbs honestly admitted. "It wasn't anything I haven't needed to hear for a long time now, Tim."

"So, we're okay? You and I?" Tim's continued concern on this matter regarding Gibbs was troubling when he'd done nothing wrong to be worried about and Gibbs had done so much wrong.

"Tim, Come, Sit down." Gibbs encouraged as he also offered Tony a small smile and the chance to sit where he wanted to before they continued on.

Once both young men had taken their seats, both choosing to sit on the couch, Gibbs took the chair closest to them and drug it even closer, so the tone could be kept quiet and soothing as whatever it was Tim needed addressed, could be worked out.

"First, you need to know that I never meant for you to _ever_ think even for a second that I held you responsible for any of the people we've lost on this job. _Ever. _There's no way to make up for something like that, Tim. But, you have to know I am sorry you ever had reason to think that I blamed you."

Tim offered a small smile of acceptance for Gibbs' rare but obviously heart-felt apology.

"And, Tony? If you've ever been left feeling responsible like this, I'm sorry." Gibbs looked at Tony as he offered this apology.

"Thanks, Boss. I wasn't new to losing people when I came on here, so it was easier for me to ward off feeling responsible." Tony reminded him appreciatively. "Doesn't mean we couldn't have handled it better as a team, being there for each other more than we managed."

Gibbs nodded his acceptance of Tony's reaction and agreement with his explanation. Turning back to his younger agent, he saw emotions continue to flicker across the young man's face steadily, as if Tim didn't know what to think right now.

"Tim?"

"So, you never, even for a minute, blamed me for Kate's death?" Tim asked, still needing this pounded into his brain, in hopes that it would help his heart actually accept it and stop hurting so much over it. As he asked the question, his eyes locked onto Gibbs'; searching for the honesty he knew he'd see there.

"Not even for a minute. Ever." Gibbs promised. "You've carried this blame and guilt for too long; ingrained it into your head for so long, it's gonna take a while for you to convince yourself that I mean it. I get that. But you need to remind yourself of that fact, every day, many times a day until you accept it for the truth that it is." The strong but calm advice worked to drive away Tim's fear that had long convinced him he'd been right all along.

Taking a deep audible breath, Tim slowly let it out on a sigh of relief that had been a long time in coming. Blinking fast, he managed to hold back the tears of relief that begged to be let out. To give himself a moment to pull himself together, he laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. It was easier this way, he didn't have to worry about what they could see going on through his eyes that almost never failed to go shutterless around these two. He may have been able to close those shutters a lot more frequently in the past two weeks than what he normally could, but at this moment, he didn't think he had the strength to hide.

"I know, now, that you've doubted how important you've been to this team; to me. But you need to know that you have always been just as important as the rest of the team. Even when you were still assigned to Norfolk and were just on loan to us, you were important to us; to me." Gibbs continued on, knowing Tim was listening and needed to hear this.

Gibbs didn't care that this was uncharacteristic of himself. Sometimes going out of one's comfort zone was the least of the problem needing to be addressed and fixed. This was one of those times. The only thing that mattered now was that Tim be able to find his feet and be able to pick himself back up, with the help of his team/family.

Tim picked his head back up and opened his eyes as he smiled a small smile of relief, but the ghost of something painful and still unresolved stubbornly lingered in his eyes.


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: Any background information on Tim's family in this story is completely my own creation.  
I, like the rest of us authors, do not own NCIS or its' characters. I, too, just play with them._

_A very warm "Thank You" goes out to chelsea1234 for your most helpful suggestions and help.  
I apologise for getting in a hurry and forgetting to put it the previous chapter where it belonged._

* * *

"Probie?" Tony pushed as he noticed the look in Tim's eyes.

"I...I've already dumped so much on you guys." Tim worried with his voice still quiet, almost like he was ashamed of this place he'd been stuck in and felt undeserving of the chance to get out of it. Suddenly, he launched himself off the couch and over to the doors. The fact that he wasn't denying or hiding that he had more he needed to talk about, spoke volumes of how much he wanted to let it out.

"Stop worrying about whether or not it's too much for us to handle. Just let it out," Tony pushed him as he watched Tim struggle to do just that.

Tim looked to Gibbs almost as if he was looking for permission to speak.

"Tim. the only thing we can't handle is what you won't let us in on. So, let us in. I promise, it can only help you move on if you do." Gibbs vowed as he steadily looked back at him. "I know there's something else causing you to be overloaded."

All the painful and devastating barbs, snippets and memories that had plagued him; driving him to the edge, had now faded into the background of his mind. That left, the one piece of his life that had cut so deep, elevating the stockpile until it had overtaken him when 'Amanda' had ripped his heart out. Now suddenly this memory, buried long ago for his sanity's sake, was now free to roar back to life, uncovered once again, to wreak havoc on who he had become in spite of it, or maybe because of it. Tim's eyes clouded once again

Whispering to Tony, Gibbs quickly took himself to the kitchen and got them all a drink and just as quickly, returned to the living room. When he got back, Tim hadn't moved, but Tony had. He now stood next to Tim, silently looking out with him; unwilling to disturb his thoughts, but needing Tim to know he wasn't alone.

Now that the panic of Gibbs knowing almost everything that had been on his heart had subsided, the tears in the boss' eyes when he'd first looked at the older man were easier to understand and deal with. It didn't completely erase the feeling that he'd put them there. In fact, he almost hated himself for it. But, it did work to bind this last painful piece still with him from his childhood, in place temporarily, as he was now reluctant to dump it in the man's lap on top of everything else.

Watching Tim struggle with whether not to let he and Tony in on whatever it was that was bothering him turned the light bulb on in Gibbs' mind. Suddenly, he remembered what his mind had touched on briefly just a few minutes ago:

_"Why didn't you talk to someone? Did you talk to your parents about any of it?"_

He'd asked that question of Tim just the other night. And it had been one of the few things Tim had refused to answer. While his refusal had been in the form of determined silence and avoiding looking Gibbs in the eye, it had raised that all too familiar red flag in the older man. But, so much had come up since then, this had taken a back seat to everything else; until now. Gibbs remembered having a fairly good idea of why Tim hadn't talked to anyone about it; why he hadn't had help to help ease the pain he'd been living with as a nerdy, geeky, child prodigy in high school. Tim had refused to discuss his parents and there had to be a damn good reason for that. Suddenly, that 'not quite so important question' became the missing piece of the puzzle. The Senior Agent also remembered what he'd told his agent that night.

_"You don't have to tell me now. You can tell me whenever you're ready."_

Why had the young man never turned to his parents at a time when most kids and teenagers would have? In normal homes, wasn't that how kids coped? The questions left the conclusion, that Tim's home hadn't been a normal one. Tim's whispered words that had revealed this part of his life, had come in the midst of the almost endless litany of things that had been haunting the young man and driving his thinking process in the last two weeks.

Tony watched as Gibbs' mind ran its' course at 100 miles an hour and Tim's seemed frozen in time. Knowing that with the three of them working through anything that came out in this conversation, they'd be able to get through it and get Tim free from the muck and set straight on the right path. Patiently, he waited for one of them to speak. He'd done what he could do unless something else was shared

Gibbs had almost missed it, the forest for the trees, as it were. The underlying problem that had formed the mold for how Tim handled painful situations in his life; why he took on so much guilt and maintained such low self esteem for so long. The parent in Gibbs leant experience and natural instincts to his current thinking process and deductive reasoning that brought him to this conclusion., based on that insight Tim had shared with him the other night, as the young man had sat entrenched in misery on his bathroom floor with only Gibbs determination and strength holding him up.

Now,Gibbs focused his attention on that piece that right now, his gut was telling him was a huge chunk of what Tim was fighting so hard not to talk about. As he set the drinks down, he walked up to the boys and clamped a hand down on each of their shoulders as a show of support.

"Tim. This have anything to do with what you told me the other night about your mother?" The boss asked with compassion.

Instantly, the silent answer flooded Tim's eyes as he looked up at Gibbs and then over at Tony. Guilt and pain were both residing there now, as clear as day.

"Tell me why you're having so much trouble letting us in on what you need us to hear." Gibbs encouraged carefully, seeming to read Tony's mind.

"What is it you feel guilty about?" Tony asked in surprise. "If you say it's because we've done more than enough listening already, I'm gonna Gibbs-slap you myself!" Tony's warning lifted the corners of Tim's mouth into a hesitant sheepish smile.

Gibbs couldn't help but smile at Tony's efforts to pull the truth out of Tim in such a unthreatening, teasing way. The pain they saw would be better let out if they took this slowly and carefully.

"You were, weren't ya?" Tony goaded.

"Yeah, Tony, I was." Tim admitted quietly, the smile still present.

"Mu-Gee." Gibbs drug out Tim's name in that funny way of his he used when he was slightly irritated but concerned at the same time.

"Boss?"

"Do you have selective memory on a regular basis or only when it comes to what I tell you?" Gibbs asked with a slight grin. He wasn't upset about it, but he did want Tim to think back enough to remember what had been said just a few minutes ago.

"No, Boss, I remember. It's just..." Tim seemed unable to complete his sentence.

"McGoo, stop fighting with yourself. You know you need to let us in, just like we know you need to let us in. Let us in! We're here to help, remember?" Tony pushed with the spirited concern borne of a big brother arriving late to the game, but determined to do his job right.

Tim looked at both of them for a beat before looking away, as he finally let it out. Once the words started coming out, the whole of the story just tumbled on out; choppy pieces in unmeasured and increasingly emotion filled tones. The sadness that accompanied the story broke the hearts of both older men.

"My parents were high school sweethearts. They married right out of high school. They were so in love with each other, they ddidn't even want kids. As long as they had each other they were happy. I was an unplanned and unwanted surprise just six months after their wedding. To say that my mother was unhappy with the idea of having a family so soon is an understatement. But, they didn't believe in abortion, so she felt trapped into having me. Apparently, my father agreed with that sentiment."

"Damn!! Your parents _tell _you that?" Tony asked in shocked anger.

"_They_ didn't. My grandfather did. Apparently, he agreed with them, but he, at least, was willing to drum something into my head that explained it to me when no one else would." Tim explained bitterly.

"How old were you when he told you that?" Tony demanded, suddenly angry for Tim.

"Five." Tim short, answer was timid and quiet.

"Go on. Tell us what happened." Gibbs quietly encouraged.

"My mother went into premature labor with me when she was only seven months pregnant." As the truth continued to come out, Tim's shoulders began to shake with the force of the pained sobs that rose up in him..

Tony now likewise planted his hand on Tim's shoulder for support.

Tim took a minute to try to rein in his emotions. Breathing deeply, he stiffled the sobs and wiped his tears away. He hadn't even gotten to the worst part.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked quietly, trying to gently push him to keep going.

"I was the only one that came home from the hospital." Tim whispered, too broken with the memory to do better. "Child Welfare forced my father to either sign me over to them or take care of me himself. He didn't want the stigma of losing a kid to State's custody. He wanted the miltary beneifts for having a dependent; especially as a single parent."

"Oh, Tim!" Tony sympathised.

'Your father. He blamed you?" Gibbs knowingly asked sympathetically as he deliberately kept pushing to get the story told for Tim's sake. He knew if Tim stopped at any time before he got it all out, it would only serve to be more painful for him.

Tim silently nodded before dropping his head down in abject misery, pain and shame.

"So, the way he treated you was bad enough, you realized something wasn't right." Gibbs reasoned as even toned as he could, while he fought to keep hold of his own anger he felt toward Tim's family. Given his own family's plight and the pain Gibbs had lived through, the idea of anyone he cared about living though this kind of pain at the hands of parents who obviously weren't fit to be parents, made his blood boil.

"You could say that." Tim answered, again his voice full of bitterness and pain. This time, however, the words brought fresh tears to the young man's eyes. Gibbs applied comforting pressure to his hand still resting on Tim's shoulder encouragingly. "It's okay. We're here for you. Go ahead and get it out." The quiet but firm tone served to hold Tim steady as he drug the rest of the story out of his memory banks.

Gibbs reached out and used his curled finger under Tim's chin to lift the young man's head back up as he quietly talked to him. "You listen to me, Tim. You cannot own this guilt just because your father lashed out at you in his grief. I know it's hard to put it down and walk away from it after all these years, but that's what you need to do."

"I can't." Tim whispered, somehow finding the strength to hold Gibbs' eyes.

"Why?" Tony asked quietly. He was still feeling shocked that this mild-mannered young man he'd worked side by side with for six years, had hidden this deep dark pain, even when they'd talked about family and helped his sister out of trouble.

"He said it more than once, didn't he?" Gibbs asked as parental understanding dawned like a light being turned on brighter.

"Every chance he got. Wasn't a day that went by that he didn't say it to me when he was on leave from the Navy." Tim said, his voice gaining some of its' volume and strength back.

"What was it he said, Tim?" Gibbs pushed, knowing the young man needed to say it, so he could purge this memory.

Neither Tony or Gibbs was fully prepared for the words that came from Tim in response to Gibbs' question. Each painful word sounded like it had literally been ripped straight from the depths of Tim's broken heart.

_"You killed your mother. I wish you'd never been born."_


	21. Chapter 21

Silence filled the room, a silence borne of sympathy for Tim and anger at the man who would emotionally damage an innocent child this way. No child deserved that kind of pain. Tony and Gibbs both knew there was nothing they could say to make Tim feel better, instant pain relief wasn't possible in this situation. The younger man had held this pain, this parental mental abuse, in for so long, it wasn't possible to make it just go away.

Tony couldn't stand the silence or the hurt that they were letting Tim simmer in right now by not moving the conversation forward. He knew there was more to be said. He took it upon himself to be the one to get the ball rolling again.

"So, Sara…?"

"Is my step-sister. My father remarried four years after my mother died. Even though she wanted children of her own with him, she wasted no time in joining with him in hating me. No one ever told Sara that we didn't share the same mother. She just grew up believing she was the favorite because she was the baby of the family." Tim explained, grateful to move off the more painful part of the story.

"Tim, anything happen at home that belongs in a police report?" Gibbs asked carefully. He had a bad feeling that his agent had suffered through more than he was letting on.

"They never hit me, if that's what you're asking, Boss. They just constantly shoveled me off to boarding schools and other family members, none of whom thought any better of the kid who'd killed his own mother than they did." Tim's tone had taken on a resigned quality. He'd lived his childhood as the hated end result of a pregnancy gone horribly tragically wrong. A child raised in a world without love or understanding; without compassion or support and continued to suffer from it even now.

"And high school?" Tony asked in confusion. It had been the only part of his teenage years that Tim'd talked about before.

"I was finally allowed to go to public school. Tim answered with an ironic laugh that held no humor. "Home life became the reason I learned to live in the computers, books and video games. It kept me off their radar and busy enough that I wasn't bored; didn't get into any trouble at home; just school. I had joined the public sector just in time to become the main target for the school bullies.

"You talked to your father about them?" Gibbs asked, already fearing what the answer had been for this young man.

"I tried. Only made that mistake once. I hadn't thought he possessed any more hatred for me; until I tried to talk to him about them. He literally pushed me up to my room and made me watch as he threw all my clothes in boxes. I had to load up the car. He dumped me on my maternal grandfather's doorstep. Apparently, now, I was not only a killer, but a weak and useless one at that."

"Only reason I ever got to see Sara was because she would sneak over while both Dad and Grandpa were at work. Grandma was already dead by then. It was a good thing, too; because she hated me too. After all, I had killed her only child."

"You said your father bought you that smokin' hot car when you turned 16." Tony reminded him, wanting to move the explaination to along, knowing every bit of this had to be tearing Tim up inside..

"Yeah, I guess he thought I'd get in it and drive away and never come back. "I can't explain why he did it. I look back on it now and wonder if he wasn't hoping that fast car would get me killed." Tim said with more bitterness than they'd ever heard from him before. "He almost got his wish. I don't think even he expected it to happen the first time I got behind the wheel."

"Tim. You believe what he drummed into you head?" Gibbs asked. "That what's been driving you to hold everything in for so long, not try to get help to deal with it? I'm not talking about the stuff that happens at work."

"I don't know if I believe it or not. I guess a part of me does and a part of me doesn't. It seems to depend on what else is going on with me, whether that colors it or not. I really thought I'd buried it for good. Guess I was wrong about that, too.

"And the professional help?" Gibbs asked.

"Tried talking to shrinks before, Boss. It didn't work out real well."

"This time can be different, Tim. You're in control now. I'm guessing you weren't back then?" Gibbs suggested.

"No, I definitely wasn't." Tim admitted with more bitterness.

Gibbs squeezed his hand on Tim's shoulder one more time in support again and looked Tim in the eye. "You did good, McGee. Real good. Letting things out into the light of day is pretty tough; but not near as tough as holding it all inside and suffering in silence. Trust me on that." Letting go, he turned and headed back to the coffee table and picked up his cup, grimacing at the now cold brew.

Tim silently nodded his acceptance of Gibbs' praise before he turned hesitant eyes toward his big brother.

"You won't get any argument from me, Probie. I'm proud of you, too." Tony let go of him too and headed over to the coffee table to pick up his own coffee. Like I said before, you're a stronger man than I am. I need a fresh cup, you?"

Tim nodded but stayed where he was as Tony and Gibbs went back to the kitchen to refresh the coffee. He felt so much lighter now, like the world had been lifted off his shoulders. That world still hurt; a lot, but he no longer lived with the full weight of it or felt alone. The idea of talking to a shrink still scared the hell out of him and was currently the biggest thing keeping him from feeling things were gonna be okay.

Gibbs was relieved that Tim already understood he needed professional help to purge these things; or at the very least; be able to put them in perspective enough to be able to live a healthier, happier life. There wasn't anything more the boss could do for this young man and Gibbs was smart enough to know that. He'd done all he could, pushing him to get it out, keeping an eye on him so he wouldn't give in to the compulsions he'd been experiencing, and finally, apologizing from the heart, when Tim had needed it most.

Tony felt a wave of relief wash through him that they'd gotten Tim to let it all out. They hadn't lost him to the depths of it all. He'd gotten to be the big brother Tim needed him to be and what's more, he enjoyed the responsibility and relished being able to help Probie when he'd needed it. He could definitely handle this big brother job.

Tim was still worrying about a few things. Gibbs had ordered him to talk to a professional. What if he couldn't do it? What if he froze up or couldn't handle talking everything out with a stranger? Would Gibbs really be forced to fire him? For the first time in longer than he could remember, he felt no inkling of desire to take drastic steps to escape. No, everything had been aired and there was nothing left to escape from.

Sure there were situations at work that still bugged him, mainly because he feared he'd be treated the same indifferent way the next time something less than good happened on the job. His main concern with this was Abby. Even though it had been a long time since it had happened; the way she'd treated him with Jethro attacking him; the way she'd carelessly destroyed his jacket with such malice in her attitude in both situations, still sat on the broken landscape of their relationship, genuinely affecting his ability to be completely comfortable around her.

Maybe Gibbs and Tony could help him work these troubling pieces of his future out.

His future.

Yeah, at long last, Tim McGee could look forward to the future.


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: Characterizations aren't perfect. Gibbs apologizes. Punctuation isn't perfect either.  
For those of you who are reading this story without picking it apart for its' flaws - THANK YOU!_

* * *

Eight in the morning and out of the three men who'd been up talking things out until three hours ago, only Gibbs was now awake; compliments of those hours of sleep he'd gotten before stumbling upon his agents in midst of that heart to heart conversation. As he sat in his kitchen alone and enjoying the peace and quiet; Tim's words began to filter back through his mind in pieces, the first one concerned Tim's unresolved problems with his teammates and his insecurity about his place on the team:

_"Put a sock in it McGee, at least he didn't shoot you!"  
"Bad McGee!"_

_"But if you even think about writing a third novel, I'll kill you."_

_"It's not your word that's not good, it's mine. Remember?"  
Don't see that I've left you much choice but to remove me."_

_But, I think it was good that Gibbs rescued me, it sounds twisted but a big part of me needed to know that he cared. Him rescuing me proved he does care enough to do it."_

_Tony. You've had his approval since you got to this team. I've been bustin my tail to get it for six years now!"_

_"C'mon, Tony, you know how seldom he asks me if I'm okay when something 'hinky' happens to me! How often he's bustin my chops cause I don't have the right answers or have them soon enough!" _

_I don't have any doubts any more. I know now that he cares about me as much as he does the rest of the team."_

_"Tim, didn't you tell me that Gibbs assured you that he would have fired at Benedict, just like you did? Didn't he tell you that you didn't do anything wrong?"_

_"He never said I didn't do anything wrong." _

_I think, deep down inside, Gibbs did blame me, Tony, probably still does."_

_How much of this has to do to with the last two weeks?"  
"Call it the foundation."_

_"Didn't Kate tell you that Erin's death wasn't your fault?"  
"Yeah, she did."  
"Then, why would you still carry that one, Probie, I don't understand."  
"Because, Gibbs didn't."_

_*************_

Gibb knew that Tim needed these issues resolved before he could truly find his way back. That meant, his teammates had to be brought in on whatever his issues with them happened to be. It didn't matter if it was out of any of their comfort zones or too out of their character or even his own. This would be taken care of. As soon as humanly possible. Too much was at stake to handle it any other way.

In the case of Abby, Gibbs knew that the pain Tim still carried over what he considered to be her rejection had been the catalyst for his long course in self-depreciation and lowering self esteem. Realizing now, how badly Tim was hurt beyond the bites, when Jethro had attacked him, Gibbs felt a huge stab of culpability and remorse. He'd allowed Tony and Abby to treat Tim so callously when Tim had needed sympathy and the sign that his team cared about him. Making sure things were put to rights, as much as possible, was the least Gibbs could do for the young man.

Obviously, there were still some things he needed to work out with the young man. There was a lot that Tim hadn't been able to let go of simply because Gibbs had never addressed it with him. Hopefully, they would be able to get those things sorted out soon. Gibbs thought back to more of his and Tony's conversation with Tim from the last couple of days:

_"This time was different, I wasn't alone."_

_"It's definitely not your fault that, that's all I'm good for. People use me and then they leave me. That's what I'm here for. I know I don't deserve a real relationship. Believe me, that's been made abundantly clear to me now. I get it. Lesson learned; twice, three times; hell, a dozen times over. I got the message do they keep doing it? If I don't deserve it then why does it keep happening?"_

_When I realized that I was so out of it that I hadn't taken him for a walk or even called the dog-walker for three days straight, I gave up on being a pet owner. I was letting him suffer through my incompetence and he didn't deserve that."_

_I've put my heart and soul into learning to take care of him and love him; even after our rocky start or maybe because of it."_

_I just don't know if I'm capable of going through all this again. It was hard enough the first time."_

_"Wish I'd recorded it so I didn't have to repeat it." _

_*******************_

Helping Tim regain his faith and trust in himself would be paramount to getting back on his feet and there was only so much his teammates could do for him in that department. There was one thing they could do for him and it was a big step. Looking at his watch, Gibbs realized the hardware store was open now. Leaving the boys a note, he ran out, anxious to get started on what he knew to be the most important first step in the right direction.

As he shopped for what he needed, Gibbs called Abby.

"Gibbs?" Abby was anxious. The last time the two of them had spoken had not gone well and definitely had not left things at a good place for them.

"Abbs. think you're ready to talk to Tim? If you are, be here tonight at 7. If you're not, tell me now."

"I'm ready whenever he is, Gibbs." Abby's answer was almost instantaneous.

"Yeah? You remember what I told you?" Gibbs asked.

_Until you can put away this anger toward McGee, I expect you to continue to steer clear of him. I mean it!_

"Yes, Gibbs, I remember, I even talked it out with Ducky." Abby answered meekly.

"Good . And Abby? You need to go back over the entire situation with Jethro and Tim from start to finish in your head and while you're at it, if you've never reimbursed Tim for the jacket you ruined, tonight would be the perfect time to get that taken care of and out of the way. See you tonight." Gibbs gave out in return as he ended the call without giving her the chance to respond.

Within two hours, Gibbs had gone to Ducky's and the two of them had assembled the largest piece of Gibbs' project together, loaded it into the truck and driven back to Gibbs' where they'd set about installing the entire project as quietly as possible; considering the two sleeping young men inside.

Unfortunately, pounding fence posts into the ground is not a quiet task, which of course, led to Tony and Tim being awakened by the racquet. Once outside, the shock on the faces of his agents quickly wore off as both of them were even faster at jumping in and helping out. Since Ducky had been the first one relieved of the task, he took himself inside to see about getting breakfast for them all.

Thankfully, there had only been a small portion of unfinished fencing to get installed. Once the back gate was installed, Gibbs backyard was completely enclosed and dog-proofed. While helping with the work, Tim had been quiet, mentally tripping over the immense gratitude he was trying to find his way to express for what the man was doing here.

Tony had an idea of what Gibbs was doing, but he had no details. That was fine with him, especially if his hunch was right. Somehow, Gibbs was taking care of Tim's need to get Jethro back. You couldn't help but respect the hell outta Gibbs for that. Tony sure did.

After breakfast, Tim pulled Gibbs aside quite easily as Tony stayed in the kitchen to help Ducky with the cleanup; figuring Tim would want to talk to Gibbs alone.

"Boss, I don't know how to say this without it sounding lame or old, but. Thank you."

"You're welcome. You ready to go get him now?" Gibbs quickly changed the subject just enough to get Tim over his awkward moment.

"That would be great. What if she's not willing to let him go?" Tim worried.

"Call her. You don't want to go up there and get him all confused."

"Ok."

Ten minutes later, Tim came back outside where Gibbs now sat enjoying the day. "She doesn't want to keep him." Tim said with complete relief in his voice.

"Okay. You ready to go get him?" Gibbs asked.

"Will you go with me?" Tim asked him.

"Of course, I'll go with you. Ducky and Tony have gone to check on Ducky's mother and then Ziva and Abby "C'mon."

Surprisingly, the ride to get the German shepherd was relatively short, a mere thirty minutes out from D.C. Gibbs couldn't help but laugh at his namesake's above board enthusiastic greeting for Tim. Even the woman who had attempted to take him into her home and make him a member of her family enjoyed the reunion.

"I don't understand why you ever let him go if you mean this much to each other," The woman said.

Gibbs' felt for Tim's pain, as the young man's eyes filled with it and his face showed the strain of not verbally reacting to her unintentionally inflicted hurt. Quickly, the older man distracted the woman, asking her to gather the dog's belongings that had come with the canine.

By the time they were back on the road and heading back to Gibbs' house, Jethro had worn himself out and was happily sleeping in his crate, strapped into the back of the truck. The trip back home was hard on both Gibbs and Tim. Neither knew how to break the silence but both had plenty to say.

Gibbs finally broke the silence, needing Tim to know that the pain he'd owned up to hadn't been forgotten.

"Tim."

"Boss?"

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you, but why are you apologizing to me?" Tim was baffled.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Boss?"

"I've thought about the things you've let Tony and I in on in the last few days, McGee. I've a lot to be apologizing for. Starting with the way I've let Tony go overboard with the razzing you over the years. For not taking the time to tell you that Erin's death wasn't your fault. It was your first case and I should have realized how much her death would affect you and instead I took it for granted that you knew it."

"The whole situation with yours truly back there is another one. The day he attacked you wasn't the team's finest moment. You were treated wrong by most of us and I let it go. For that I'm sorry."

"Thanks, Boss."

"McGee."

"Boss?"

"Benedict wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I should have told you that then."

"It helps to hear it now, Boss." Tim admitted gratefully.

If there's anything else you need to talk to me about, I need to know that you'll come to me or Tony or Ducky. I don't want any more of this bottling it all up because you don't think we want to hear it." Gibbs ordered.

"I promise, Boss. I won't try to keep it all locked up anymore." Tin said quietly.

"You okay?" Gibbs was concerned at the exhausted timber to Tim's voice.

"Yeah, just really tired all of a sudden." Tim admitted.

When we get back, you let him have his fun in the backyard and then I want you to crash on my bed." Gibbs ordered.

"Okay." Tim agreed without a fight.

That in itself worried Gibbs.


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: I apologise for the delay. I've slaved over this chapter for a week now, I'm finally happy with it but it took a lot of time and work. _  
_Any OOC is unintentional and begs indulgence_  
_Hope you like it._

_PapaGibbs and Big Brother Tony are still in the house! _

* * *

Gibbs felt only a little better once he got Tim back home and got the younger man drinking glass of juice while the boss got the dog settled into the backyard. Seeing how quickly Tim succumbed to sleep when he stretched out on Gibbs' bed, kept an edge on the older man's concern about the situation. However, with no other obvious problems visible, he could only hope nothing was seriously wrong as he waited for Ducky and Tony to get back. Thankfully, they returned a short thirty minutes later. He wasted no time.

"Duck, need you to come look Tim over." Gibbs called down to him from the top of the stairs, as soon as the two other men came back in the house. The fact that the younger man's tone was full of concern had Ducky immediately retrieving his medical bag from his car and heading up the stairs, as Tony watched from below, not wanting to be in the way

"Jethro, what's happened?" Ducky asked as they headed toward the bedroom.

"Dunno, Duck. His strength and energy just bottomed out. I had him drink some juice before he crashed. He's asleep now, but it came on him real sudden." Gibbs answered quickly.

"Any changes in his heart beat or his color?" Ducky asked calmly in an effort to calm the situation.

"No. Looking at him right now, he seems fine." Gibbs responded in a calmer voice now that Ducky's experience and wisdom was available for Tim.

"Relax, Jethro, it is highly probably that his body just reacted to all the stress he's been under. My guess is that he just needs to sleep. I'll be able to tell you for certain after I check him over. I won't be long."

It was a short ten minutes later when Ducky returned to confirm his earlier estimation of the problem. "You can relax, Jethro, It is just as I suspected, Timothy is fine; simply exhausted. I suggest we let him sleep for as long as he needs to."

"Easy enough." Gibbs said with relief as he led the way out to the backyard so Jethro wouldn't be alone in the new yard. It would be confusing enough for the poor dog with Tim not being around for the next few hours. Maybe after the canine had worn himself out again, Gibbs would consider letting him join Tim while he slept.

"So, this morning's mad dash to finish fencing off your backyard this morning _was_ for this guy." Tony said as he pointed to Jethro. Tony had been startled to see him here. "You got him back from the person Tim gave him to. She give him up without a fight?"

"Yup." Gibbs said in a tone that effectively cut the conversation off before it went any further. Tony would have to hear the rest from Tim. It wasn't Gibbs' place to say any more about it, with one small exception. "Tony, that doesn't go any further than right here."

"You mean the part about Tim giving Jethro away? Wait, you mean the three of us are the only ones who know? Ok. Right, it won't go any further, I swear. So, Boss, you think Tim'll be all right now?" Tony asked in concern.

"He'll be fine, Tony; with help from his friends and teammates, as long as his privacy's respected. And he talks to a professional that can show him how to learn to live with it without letting it consume him; keep him pointed in the right direction." Gibbs answered truthfully.

"Think he needs anything more from me? I mean, specifically,besides the being there as his big brother." Tony clarified.

"Anthony, after seeing Timothy as the butt of your jokes and pranks for so long, I feel I must ask the question. Are you certain you are up to the challenge of putting all that away for the time being and becoming that big brother?" Ducky asked in concern.

"Tony's doing just fine, Duck. He knows what Tim needs, for the most part." Gibbs answered in Tony's defense.

"Ducky, I promise you, I won't hurt him. I know what you're worried about. I'm not ever gonna use any of this against him. I'm not that much of a bad person." Tony said to the M.E. quietly.

"No, Anthony, you're not. I hope you do not think I was implying that you are. I simply wanted to see if you were up to the challenge, my dear young man." Ducky said with an apologetic squeeze of his hand to Tony's arm.

"I get it, Ducky, Thanks." Tony replied with a forgiving smile. Turning to look at Gibbs, he asked "For the most part, Boss?" Tony asked in confusion.

"There are a few things you need to rethink." the boss explained. "We all do."

"Care to enlighten me?" Tony asked eagerly.

"I'll tell you what I told Abby when I talked to her this morning. You need to go back to how you acted toward Tim when this guy attacked him." Gibbs explained as he pointed at Jethro.

"Yes. I agree, Jethro. Timothy was treated most dreadfully by most of his teammates that day." Ducky commented with the disappointment he'd felt in them for it, coloring his voice.

"No offense, Boss, but if this is part of what still bothers Tim, then we also need to remember the dog was pushed on him even after the mutt attacked him. If you ask me, that was huge. Probably part of the problem." Tony offered with the residual emotion of that time coloring his tone.

"If I hadn't spent time talking to him about it over the last couple of days, I would agree with you, Tony. But, whatever the rocky start to their relationship, Tim values it now." the boss reasoned. "No, what eats at him about it even now, is exactly as Ducky said, how he was treated by us, mainly Abby, you and I."

"That doesn't mean he wasn't adversely affected by having the dog thrust on him by the one person who he can never say no to, Jethro. Anthony may very well have a valid point." Ducky reminded Gibbs.

"Okay, it's something we need to feel around for. In the meantime, Tony, why don't you go talk to Abby. Make double sure she's with the program before she comes over here to talk to Tim tonight." Gibbs requested. "Make sure she leaves any lingering anger or bad attitude at home. Tim doesn't need it."

"Sure. I can do that." Tony willingly accepted the job.

"Did you see Abby or Ziva while you were out?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, both of them were having brunch together. They were fine." Tony answered.

"Ziva okay? Haven't heard a whole lot outta her through all this." Gibbs remarked.

"She's fine, Boss. She's just unsure of what she can do that would help. She's afraid to get in the way."

"She know she's important to this team? To the strange family unit this team is?" Gibbs pushed.

"Jethro, Ziva is just fine." Ducky promised. "She is simply worried about Timothy."

"Duck, we all know she'd never admit it if she wasn't fine." Gibbs wasn't convinced.

"Boss, I got it. I'm keeping an eye on her. She's okay." Tony promised.

"Good." Gibbs was finally satisfied that all his kids were being looked after. "Thanks, Tony."

"I'll be back after I go check on both of them. You want me to bring Ziva back with me?" Tony asked.

"If she wants to come, she's always welcome. But tonight, Abby and Tim need to clear the air, if he's ready. I haven't even had the chance to talk to him about it, yet." Gibbs admitted.

"Okay," Tony said as he headed out.

"Relax, Jethro. There's plenty of time to talk to him before dinner. The more sleep he gets right now, the better." Ducky assured him after Tony was gone.

"I told him he needed to talk to a professional starting today." Gibbs confessed.

"There will be plenty of time for him to begin that journey tomorrow. Let him have today to catch up on rest and talk things out with Abby if he chooses." Ducky advised.

Gibbs nodded wordlessly and got up from his chair, heading off to the corner of the yard to search for Jethro, who'd suddenly gone quiet and invisible. Finding him curled up under a rose bush, Gibbs encouraged the dog to follow him back to the house and led him up to Tim. As soon as Jethro smelled Tim's presence, the 70 pound dog couldn't get on the bed fast enough, but when he did get up there, remarkably, he settled down immediately, content to curl up against his master and join him in slumber.

Taking the opportunity to check Tim over, Gibbs even checked to see how regular his pulse was. Satisfied that he was okay, Gibbs left the room, closing the door behind him. quietly. Looking at his watch, he was surprised to find that it was already past 2 in the afternoon. Going back to the back deck, he smiled at Ducky already asleep in the afternoon air and sun. He reclaimed his seat and laid his head back, closing his eyes and let the tiredness take over as he drifted into a much need nap of his own.

* * *

Tony thought about what Gibbs said. The whole episode with the dog had been a long time ago and the fact that that case was still affecting Tim was a wakeup call to Tony. Then again, hearing everything that the younger man had been buried under for so long, last night, had really snatched Tony from the depths of ignorance. Seeing his long time coworker and surrogate little brother emotionally fall apart had seriously shaken him. Tim reaching out to Tony and allowing himself to be comforted by the man who had long harassed and bullied him; and in his most private, pain filled moments, was something Tony would never forget or betray.

He could only hope to get Abby on board without accidentally spilling too many beans that weren't his to spill. Tony knew that Gibbs was a master at not sharing when he wasn't supposed to. Now, he just needed to get as good at that as Gibbs was. It was gonna be hard, especially since Tony really wanted the women to understand just how much Tim was hurting; not the detail of why, but the depth that he knew they had never seen or even thought of. Something told him that unless Abby really understood the details she wouldn't quite get what the problem was. Somehow, he'd have to find a way to get her to that point without those facts.

Knocking on Abby's door, Tony felt a little concerned. Could he do this without saying too much? Would he say enough? He'd seen Ziva's car in the parking lot, which meant Abby had company. The difficulty level on this assignment had just gone through the roof.

"Hey, Tony, what are you doing here?" Abby asked as she greeted him with a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"Gibbs asked me to come talk to you." Tony admitted, as he hugged her. He didn't want to start this out with secrets.

"Why would he do that?" Abby asked with concern.

"Can I come in?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. Sure, sorry. What's this about?" Abby asked as she stepped back to let him through her door.

Seeing Ziva sitting in the living room as he entered the room, Tony greeted her. "Hey, Ziva."

"Hello, Tony." Ziva answered calmly. "Is something wrong?"

"Tony, why would Gibbs ask you to come talk to me?" Abby asked again.

"It seems you and I both have the same problem." Tony told her as he sat down on her couch next to Ziva.

"I'm not following you." Abby explained as she took a seat in the chair next to the couch.

"We've both been given the same assignment." Tony explained with enough lack of clarity that she would have to think.

"Tony, what are you talking about? I haven't been given any assignment!" Abby declared in confusion.

"No? You weren't told by Gibbs to think back over what happened the day Jethro attacked Probie? You weren't told to work through it in your head before you go over there to talk to Tim tonight?" Tony asked in mock surprise.

"How would you know that? Gibbs tell you?" Abby demanded even as Gibbs' words rang in her ears.

_You need to go back over the entire situation with Jethro and Tim from start to finish in your head and while you're at it, if you've never reimbursed Tim for the jacket you ruined, tonight would be the perfect time to get that taken care of and out of the way. See you tonight_

"Because, Abby, he told me to do it too. And yeah, he did tell me that he told you to do it. He wants us to help each other figure out where we screwed up and what we're gonna do to mend our fences with Probie. Gibbs is expecting you to be ready to talk things out with Tim tonight, not still be steaming about it." Tony told her with complete honesty.

"So, is that what this whole Tim avoiding me for the last two weeks has been about?" Abby asked, hoping Tony had the answers.

"Abby, even if it is, none of us treated McGee well that day. I do not think Gibbs did either." Ziva offered. "But, I do not understand why Gibbs would be concerned about this now. It happened so long ago." she reasoned in confusion.

"Ziva's right about that day, Abby, And, no I don't have a clue what's going on between the two of you." Tony told her. "I have no idea why he's avoiding you. But, as long as I've known him, he's put up with a hell ova lot from all of us without avoiding us, so whatever it is, it must be serious. And that answers Ziva's 2nd point. Gibbs is concerned about it because it is still affecting McGee."

"I think you're right, both of you. But something else is going on here. Something much more serious. It has to be for Gibbs to help Tim avoid me the way he has." Abby reasoned in a calmer voice. The night she'd gotten that phone call and been told where Tim was and what he was doing, came back to her in a flash of memory. And for Gibbs to be in the middle of it? Yeah, something's wrong."

"Sounds like you've done some serious thinking about things already, Abbs." Tony praised quietly even as he noticed the look on her face. She knew something he didn't. Hopefully, it wasn't too bad. Her continued digging for the truth was hard enough to withstand, Tony wasn't sure how that would go if she had something to throw on the pile on top of everything else.

"Yeah, Tony, I have, but what's going on with Tim? It has to be really bad for Gibbs to be after us to fix it. Gibbs never wants to talk about stuff like this! This is too weird, even for Gibbs. I mean, since when does Gibbs get involved in our personal lives like this, Tony? What's going on around here?" Abby's voice had begun to rise with worry. She had to fish for what he knew, since she didn't know what was going on with the guys on the team; what they had talked about.

"It's not my place to say, Abbs." Tony gently came back.

"Abby. You will need to get your answers straight from McGee and Gibbs themselves. It is not right to expect Tony to speak for them." Ziva continued to attempt to be the voice of reason.

"You won't tell me what's going on with Gibbs or Tim?" Abby asked with frustration directed at Tony.

"No, I won't." Tony admitted without blinking an eye in return. It felt great to stand his ground. "I can't. I've given my word."

"I believe this is not about Gibbs, but about McGee." Ziva theorized in an effort to get Abby's attention off Tony's obvious need to keep some things unsaid.

"What did I do that was so bad; McGee had to avoid me for two weeks?" Abby asked, going on Ziva's viable idea.

"Did Gibbs give you any idea when he talked to you the other day?" Tony asked Abby as he fished for her truth and gladly steered the conversation away from dangerous waters.

"He asked me what I see in Tim; why I love him and how I thought our breakup affected him. Abby answered him, her voice once again quiet.

* * *

"Sounds to me like you already have the answer to your question, Abby." Tony offered as he quietly supported her thinking things through. "You're one of the smartest people Gibbs knows, remember?"

"Yeah, he did say that, didn't he?" Abby's face lit up with the memory.

"So, Genius, put that brain to work and figure it out." Tony teased her with a grin.

"So, what do you have to figure out, Mr. Smarty-pants?" Abby threw back at him, a matching grin in place.

"Abby, I already know where I screwed up on that case. Remember the "When Dogs Attack" cd? Remember the way I made fun of him? I never once asked him if he was okay that day and hell, even Gibbs took the time to ask him that!" Tony turned serious.

"Yeah, and I turned on him like he was the criminal. I was just so angry that Jethro had gotten shot. I completely lost focus on why he'd gotten shot. And I ruined Tim's expensive coat; just because I could." the lab rat joined the serious turn. "I even called him "Bad, McGee."

"Wow. Sounds like you and I were a couple of really nice people that day, Abbs." Tony said with a touch of sarcasm.

"Weren't we though?" Abby answered absently as her mind was in the midst of taking her back to that time.

"It would seem that we all treated him less than kindly that day." Ziva reminded them. "I did not ask him if he was okay at all that day."

"Yeah, and apparently he's still affected by it in some ways. Doesn't explain why he's been avoiding Abby for two weeks, though" Tony replied with words that deliberately took away the appearance that he knew more than he was admitting to.

"Two weeks ago is around the time that woman tried to kill him; after she lured him into her web and convinced him to offer her his heart." Ziva said with venom lurking in her tone. It still irked her that killing that woman had not been an option. Sometimes this job really sucked!

"Ziva's right. That morning was the last time he came to see me." Abby admitted quietly.

"Oh? Do you know for certain that whatever you and Probie talked about that morning is behind this?" Tony asked cautiously.

"No. I mean, I'm pretty sure Tim ignoring me involves more than that. Gibbs told me what Tim had to say about it. Apparently for some reason, he went to Gibbs about it I got it repeated back to me, word for word." Abby answered with a hint of resentment, even as she repeated the words to Tony and Ziva.

_"You mean besides the fact that while she rejected me, she continues to flaunt her continuous stream of new choices in my face? Nothing. I just can't swallow it anymore. For someone as intelligent as she is; she's pretty clueless as to how much her rejection hurt. Right now, it's the last straw. I'm sorry if it's creating a problem at work. I really do appreciate you not making me talk to her_

"Oh, Abby!" Ziva exclaimed. Did you not know he felt this way?"

"Well, no, Ziva. I had never stopped to think about it." Abby admitted. "He's always been the one I go to when I have something I need to talk about or be happy or even sad about."

"Wow, Abbs, I'd say that's your answer. the whole enchilada?" Tony offered.

"Tony, how can you possibly be thinking about food right now?" Ziva demanded.

"No, Ziva…that's an….forget it! Abby knows what I mean." Tony said in exasperation.

"Yeah, Tony, I do." Abby admitted. "And you're right." _More than you know_. Abby said to herself.

"What did you say to Probie that day, Abbs?" Tony pushed.

"Funny, Gibbs asked me the same thing." Abby said. "Timmy must have already told him. Why else would he tell me to stay away from Tim until I was over being mad at him?"

"What did you say to McGee that day, Abby?" Ziva backed Tony's need for the truth.

"Nothing that bad! I just told him that Eric from the LA office was coming to spend his two weeks with me." Abby said defensively.

"And here I thought you were the puzzle master." Tony snidely came back, suddenly getting a crystal clear picture of what had happened. No wonder Tim had started down that rocky slope of depression. That wasn't to say that it was all Abby's fault, because it wasn't'. But, she sure lit the fuse that morning.

"What are you talking about?" Abby demanded.

"You can't even fit the pieces together that are as plain as the tattoo on your neck!" Tony goaded her, fed up with her acting clueless.

"Tony!" Ziva exclaimed.

"No, Ziva! The answers are right in front of her! In fact, she just gave them to all of us. Think about it, Abby! Tell us what you get! Put what Probie told Gibbs, word for word, together with what you told Probie on that morning.

"Tony, I wasn't doing it to hurt him! I didn't realize..." Abby exclaimed.

"Then, add the rest of what happened that day, Abby. He almost gets killed by the woman he'd fallen for; the first woman he gave his heart to since he tried to give it to you; I might remind you!" Tony demanded, suddenly angry on Tim's behalf as the young man's break down came back to him vividly. "

"Oh, my God! I thought I had figured it out when Ducky talked to me, but I guess I still wasn't seeing the whole thing." Abby said miserably.

"What was it Ducky told you?" Tony asked more calmly as he fished for how much she thought she'd figured out.

_So Jethro shared some of Timothy's deepest pain with you, did he? Timothy has nursed this pain from your break up for a very long time. He has been quite the gentleman about the whole thing, don't you think? Who else would work side by side with you day after day and do everything you ask of him, even if it breaks the rules and gets him into trouble with Jethro; whom he thinks the world of and hates to have angry with him_

_And yet, you never cease to ask these things of him. Tell me, Abby, has it ever occurred to you how much hurt you cause that fine young man with your constant boasting of new boyfriends and dates to him like trophies? Did it never occur to you that you were rubbing his nose in your rejection of him?"_

_"How much of a good friend have you been to him when he's had a relationship go sour on him? Or when he tries to tell you no about something you've asked him to do?"_

_Timothy has more than enough on his plate at the moment. He cannot handle any additional stress."_

* * *

_"A_ny more doubt as to why it is Tim hasn't wanted to be around you lately?" Tony asked in a tone that suggested no such doubt would make sense.

"No, not really. Not if I'm honest with myself, Tony I know that. It's just hard being so tough on myself." The Goth admitted.

"I think you have a lot of sorting out still to get through in the head of yours before you talk to Tim. Just make sure you give Gibbs the heads up if that's not gonna be tonight. And Abby, Gibbs and Ducky are both right. If you're angry with Tim, don't come around him right now. He can't handle it."

"How do you know what he can handle, Tony? You two don't even talk to each other." Abby asked in a surprisingly quiet tone.

"That's not true anymore, Abby. Tim and I have had some pretty serious heart to heart conversations here lately and I know he can't handle anyone else's anger right now"

"Tell me what's going on." Abby urged, suddenly worried "Since when do you and Tim talk? What happened, Tony?"

"Abby, you've got enough to think through, don't you think? Besides, I already told you, its' not my place to tell you anything about it. I won't break someone's confidence. And for the record, Tim didn't 'go to Gibbs". You know him better than that! He keeps everything bottled up, just like Gibbs does. I have faith in you. I know you'll figure this out. You're still the resident Puzzle Champ."

"You wanna know what a good puzzle person I am Tony? I'll tell you about the puzzle I've already figured out. I'll even describe the pieces of it to you.

1. I tell Tim that Eric will be spending two weeks with me.  
2. Tim almost got killed by the woman he'd fallen in love with.  
3. Tim stops talking to me.  
4. You guys tell me that he's gotten withdrawn and is showing signs of not eating or sleeping.  
5. Gibbs is talking to us about our personal relationships.  
6. You and Tim are talking."  
7. You just said Tim didn't go to Gibbs.

"Sounds like got all of them. Think you've put it together yet?" Tony asked with a touch of amusement.

"Yeah, Tony, you know why?" Abby goaded him, suddenly pissed that he would keep pushing her while holding secrets about what was going on.

"Why don't you just spit it out, Abby?" Tony returned, knowing she really wanted to do it.

"Because, I know what you're not telling us, Tony!" Abby played her trump card.

"So, tell me what you've got." Tony refused to rise to the bait even though whatever piece of information she thought she had over him was now burning a hole in his curiosity.

Abby's eyes suddenly became glossed over with tears. "Piece number 8; Timmy got really depressed, didn't he? That's why he tried to do things that would make himself feel better; which would be puzzle piece #9."

"Abby, what are you talking about?" Ziva asked with a sense of dread growing in the pit of her stomach. She looked over at Tony and saw something that bordered almost on fear. "Tony?" Ziva asked in concern.

"Abbs. What are you talking about?" Tony asked her quietly, an unsettled feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh, c'mon, Tony! Don't sit there and pretend like you don't know! You just got done telling us that you and Tim have been talking. You gonna tell me he didn't tell you about going to the gay bar and getting sloshed?"

"Well, I don't buy it, Tony. If you and Tim are so tight now, then that would be the topic of the big 'heart to heart' talk you had, right? You gonna deny it?"

"News Flash, for you Tony! I already know about it! How do you think he got home safely that night? I got the call that night Tony. I'm the one that called Gibbs and asked him to go get Tim that night 'cause I was too far away!" Abby's conflicted and nerve wracked- brain cogs shuddered to a grinding halt as soon as the words had left her mouth.

Tony's face lost all color and Ziva's wasn't looking much better as the shocked silence almost crackled with emotion around them. All of a sudden, Abby felt like she'd just been sucker-punched. It was obvious that this had _not_ been something Tony and Tim had talked about. _Oh, God, Gibbs is gonna kill me for sure, now!_

"When was this?" Tony finally managed to harness his voice and ask quietly.

"What?" Abby asked in surprise. That was not the first question she'd expected to hear.

"When did this happen, Abby?" The timber of Tony's voice sounded surprisingly like he was close to crying. _Tony crying?_

"The same Thursday she almost killed him; that night." Abby said quietly. Suddenly, she couldn't sit still any longer. Anxiously, she began to pace her living room as tears filled her eyes and ran down her face

"Abby, what's going on?" Tony asked in concern, his emotions back under wraps.

"Oh, nothing, Tony. Nothing at all, unless you count me being in so much trouble with Gibbs right now, I'll be lucky to see the light of another day! He's gonna kill me! He's gonna be so mad at me. I thought you knew already and was keeping it to yourself! I never would have said anything if I'd known you didn't know!" the Goth cried.

"Abby!" Ziva shouted to get through the Goth's tirade.

"Huh? What?" the lab rat stopped her frantic pacing and escalating tirade for a blessed two minutes

"Why would Gibbs kill you or even be mad at you?" Ziva asked in confusion.

"Because when Gibbs tells you not to repeat something, he means it." Tony answered for her in a quiet tone that lent seriousness to the situation that even Ziva understood.

"Yeah, and when he threatens dire consequences for not keeping it to yourself…" Abby shuddered and couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Abby. Whatever else you know about what happened that night stays with you. Got it? And this conversation stays between the three of us. Clear? The only exception of course is we don't expect each other to lie about it if we're asked." Tony reasoned out with the authority of the team Senior Agent.

"Tony!" Abby protested.

"No, Abby. I won't lie to Tim or Gibbs or even Ducky. And neither one of you should either! Trust is too important on this team; to this family!" Tony's tone would have done Gibbs and Ducky both proud as he pushed for honest and left no room for argument.

"I know. You're right. But..." Abby returned.

"No, Abby. There will be no lies." Ziva warned her. "I have seen what lies do to people. I will not be a part of that."

"Okay. I guess if it does come out, they might eventually forgive me, especially if there's no lying involved." Abby reasoned with hope.

"You gonna be okay?" Tony asked as he got up to leave.

"I'll be fine. Ziva'll stay and keep me company, maybe even help me figure things out, right Ziva?" Abby said hopefully.

"Yes, Abby. I will stay." Ziva answered with a smile.

Tony hugged Abby and kissed her on the cheek before opening the door. Suddenly, he stopped and turned around, looking Ziva's way when he did.

"By the way, Zee. Gibbs wants to know that you're okay. Says you're always welcome. Why don't you come, too? I know it would make the boss happy to be able to see that you're okay with all the craziness that's been going on."

"Thank you, Tony. I will come with Abby." Ziva answered.

Tony answered back with a smile:"Good, I'll tell the boss man. Maybe he'll stop worrying so much."

"I do not understand. Gibbs does not worry." Ziva said in obvious confusion.

Tony's answer came almost instantly.

"He does now."


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: Thank you all for your patience._  
_Here's hoping you think it's been rewarded._

_This chapter is dedicated to the "Big Brother" we all wish for.  
If it's OOC, I beg your indulgence.

* * *

_

Tony drove back to Gibbs' house, his head swimming with all the pieces of information and revelations he'd been privy to lately: statements from Ducky, Gibbs and even Abby and Ziva. Explanations all running around like misplaced atoms trying to find their nucleus. In the end, anyway they connected together; the resulting picture was looking less than pretty; most especially when you add in the shocking pieces of Abby's accidental admission. Tim's admissions to Gibbs turned such a bright light on the subject, it was almost blinding:

_"…while she rejected me, she continues to flaunt her continuous stream of new choices in my face? I just can't swallow it anymore. For someone as intelligent as she is; she's pretty clueless as to how much her rejection hurt. Right now, it's the last straw"_

_"Just because I finally got a chance to turn his meanness back on him; doesn't mean it didn't hurt that he would do that; knowing how hard it is for me to get a girlfriend in the first place! If he didn't spend so much time mocking me for the very things he pretended to share an interest in when he did that; it wouldn't have been so bad. But, just because I don't let you or him see how something affects me, doesn't mean it isn't there."_

**********

Those eye opening pieces of information matched up with what Gibbs had allowed Tony in on, what fit:

_McGee doesn't get that upset unless he's right. It was in his eyes. He wasn't hiding any of it. They were haunted and angry. His voice was full of bitterness and pain."_

_Stop and think when the last time was that you took him seriously, before now. We both know that a lot of his reluctance to come to you stems from how you treat him at work. He's just so buried under the pain of what this woman, and every other woman he's ever tried to date; that it's all he can think about right now."_

***********

There was no avoiding Tony's lion's share of blame and responsibility in how far all of this had worn his little brother down on the inside. If he took a half-minute to be honest with himself, Tony knew he'd have to admit the reality of the situation was that Tim had been beaten down and damn near buried under it all. He had to have been to do what Abby said he'd done.

Probie wasn't a drinker and if he'd resorted to going from not drinking to getting sloshed, then yeah, he'd been seriously, deeply beaten down and it didn't take a genius to understand why, not anymore. Truth be told, it would have only taken a normal person a few minutes of actually paying attention to the young man to have stopped this from getting as bad as it had.

Looking back over the last two weeks, Tony now found himself wishing like hell that he could somehow take back every single cruel jibe about dating and women he'd _ever_ thrown Tim's way. As if that wasn't enough; even pieces of Ducky's words to Abby scorched Tony with his own allotment of guilt as they replayed in his head and slid into their place in the puzzle.

_"... gets him into trouble with Jethro; whom he thinks the world of and hates to have angry with him"  
"And yet, you never cease to ask these things of him..."  
""How much of a good friend have you been to him when he's had a relationship go sour on him?"_

How many times had Tony deliberately tripped Probie up every which way he could just to watch him land on his ass in front of the boss; especially in his 'probie' days? While it was part and parcel of the kid's initiation and at first had been nothing more; the simple fact of the matter was, Tony had developed his daily need for humor at Tim's expense and it had become almost like an addiction to him. It twisted Tony's gut now that he was seeing things from the flip side, the fact that it had taken this long and taken this degree of a problem before he'd been able to do so, left him feeling two inches high.

Tim's reluctance to talk about anything that was bothering him and building up within him before now made a lot of sense now; which, in turn, turned the blame for how bad things had gotten for his Probie, way up on Tony. Knowing more now, of just how bad things had gotten for Tim, had Tony feeling like a real SOB. As the depths of Tim's breakdown came back to him in the words of everyone who'd been a witness to them:

"_Tony. Don't. I can't tell you what he doesn't want to talk to you about himself. You know that."_

_"...all the people he feels responsible for since he's been on the team."  
" This is really important, Tony."_

_"... I don't want him left alone for more any length of time right now....an order to be followed until I or Ducky tells you otherwise. And it goes no further than right here!"_

_"_Remember; get him to work through it. _Don't let this disintegrate any worse." _

_"... Timmy got really depressed… That's why he tried to do things that would make himself feel better... he didn't tell you about going to the gay bar and getting sloshed?"_

_"...How do you think he got home safely that night? I got the call that night Tony. I'm the one that called Gibbs and asked him to go get Tim that night…The same Thursday she almost killed him; that night."_

_******************_

Tony wasn't sure what possible reason could Tim have for trusting Tony to be his big brother now. With everything Tim had been holding in and for as long as he'd been doing it; how'd he even held onto a shred of trust for the Senior Field Agent was beyond comprehension. But the fact remained that Tim had reached out to Tony for help.

Sure, he'd fallen first; hard, even harder than Tony had realized before he allowed himself to ask for that help, but the fact that he had asked; and asked Tony, was, in the face of everything put together, was monumental. Tony was determined to get things worked out between them and not screw this up. But first, he needed to talk to Tim. As he determined in his mind to make that conversation happen, today; the events that followed it the night before the shower incident and the phone call from Gibbs came sharply into focus:

***Flashback****

"_DiNozzo"_

_"Tony, need you to get over to McGee's."_

_"Boss? Something wrong?"_

_"It's not an emergency, Tony, just get here. And come in quietly, door's unlocked."_

_"On it, Boss. It'll be at least 20 minutes before I can be there."_

_"I know. Tony."_

_Tony arrived in the apartment, he was surprised to find an empty living room. Getting worried, Tony called out,_

_"Boss? I'm here."_

_"In the bathroom, Tony." came the shocking called back reply._

_Tony hurried to the designated room, weapon drawn, his gut churning. What he saw when he got there, was the last thing he ever expected to see., Probie dead to the world, on his bathroom floor, with Gibbs sitting next to him, holding him up and holding him? What the hell was going on? Holstering his weapon and removing both holster and weapon from him hip, he placed on the kitchen counter and hurried to find some answers. The last thing Gibbs had said to him that night had been about Probie._

_"You two go on home. I'll take care of him."_

_Now, here Tim was obviously in the aftermath of something incredibly serious, since Gibbs was here with him and had allowed him to fall asleep on the bathroom floor! Gibbs holding him? What the hell had happened? Glancing around, he didn't see anything broken or missing or wait, a minute, what happened to the wall? That messed up place isn't far from where Probie's sitting/laying. As a matter of fact, if Probie was sitting up next to the boss, that would match up with Probie's..._

_"DiNozzo!"_

_"Boss?"_

_"Help me get him up from here and into his bed." Gibbs directed quietly without offering any explanation._

_Tony reached down and picked Tim up under his arms and hoisted the man as upright on his feet as he could. While Gibbs struggled to get to his own feet, Tony couldn't help but wonder where things would go from here. It wasn't something they'd ever dealt with before, Tim in a personal crisis. What would happen now? Gibbs glared at him in silent irritation until he snapped his mind away from his thoughts and helped move Tim out of the bathroom. Soon, they were able to half carry; half drag Tim to his room and get him into his bed. _

_Once there, Gibbs had nodded Tony in the direction of Tim's shoes while he covered Tim with a blanket and watched him settle into his mattress in obvious comfort. The need to watch him settle seemed senseless to Tony, until Probie soon became restless, tossing, turning and reaching for something unknown. As Tony watched, Gibbs leaned over and soothed the young man back into undisturbed slumber with a mere word or two in his ear and a comforting hand on his shoulder._

_When ten minutes passed and no further disturbances were evident, Gibbs finally left the young man to his slumber, leaving the door open enough to hear anything that might come up, and headed out to the living room with Tony on his heels. It was obvious that something was going on and whatever it was, was serious._

_"Boss? What's going on?" Tony asked in concern._

_"Tony, I appreciate you coming over and helping me when I asked, but now I need you to just go home now and forget this happened."_

_"Boss, you want me to act like this didn't just happen? Like I didn't' walk in to see what I saw?" Tony asked in surprise._

_"Would you want it any other way?"_

_"Huh?_

"If your positions were reversed, would you want anyone else to know?"

_"Well, no, of course not."_

_"There you go, Tony. No matter what the problem is underneath what you saw, put yourself in Tim's shoes and handle this like that." Gibbs patiently and softly admonished him._

_"Yeah, ok. I get it. Boss, it's late, I'm just gonna crash here. I'll leave early. Probie won't even know I was here._

_"Tony!"_

_Boss, I promise, I'll leave early. I'm too tired to drive now." Tony had flopped down on the couch and very quickly given in to exhaustion._

The scene from the shower the next morning replayed itself in Tony's head of their own volition, as did Gibbs' words that followed:

_"Tony. Do I need to tell you that this didn't happen? It's simple… None of this happened." _

_***********_

There was so much that made sense now that had been left not pieced together before. Truth be told, Tony hadn't realized just how much more had been going on with Tim before he talked to Abby. Something in his gut was telling him that Gibbs and Ducky had even more pieces they weren't sharing. This personal meltdown of Tim's was turning out to be so much deeper than Tony had even fathomed.

Tony recalled Gibbs' attempt to hide his concern when Tony had broken the news to him about Tim giving Jethro away. When the mention of Tim's empty fridge and cupboards had the boss calling for Ducky''s medical opinion, Tony's radar had silently gone through the roof. Following Gibbs' example, he'd stifled it, at least until he could sort it out.

Shaking his head slightly to settle the pieces of the now almost completely solved puzzle into place, Tony turned off the car and headed into the house. He'd been so caught up in his thoughts; he'd driven back to Gibbs' on autopilot. Now it was time to face his little brother. Hoping with all his heart that Tim would accept genuine credit, Tony stepped into Gibbs' house to find out


	25. Chapter 25

Seeing Tony come back some two hours after he'd left, looking like a man with a mountain of stuff on his mind, as well as the less than confident look on his face, had Gibbs instantly wanting to find out what was going on. He had just come from checking on Tim and Jethro; both of whom were still sleeping peacefully. This mean Gibbs had the time and now most definitely the inclination to dig for the answer.

"Tony. Come out back. You look like you need to talk." Gibbs directed him.

As the two men settled into their seats on the back deck, Ducky, now startled awake, sat up and quickly resettled himself as well. Something was obviously going on and he wanted to know what it was.

"Jethro? Anthony?" Ducky inquired.

"McGee's fine. Duck. I just checked on him. Tony, I'm waiting. What's on your mind?" Gibbs answered the M.E.'s question before firing one off to Tony.

"Just been doing a lot of thinkin' Boss." Tony answered in a quiet tone that was laced with something like self-recrimination.

"Abby tell you something that bothers you?" Gibbs asked knowingly.

"She just reminded me of my own part in all of this, Boss. Nothing I didn't need to hear." Tony said as he mentally crossed his fingers and head slapped himself. _That was too close to a lie! Back this up, right now, Anthony DiNozzo! What the hell's wrong with you?_

"I'm listening." Gibbs patiently reminded him.

"Boss, when he gets up, I want to talk to him. I need to set things right between us." Tony said after he'd finished chewing himself out. Looking at Gibbs and then at Ducky, he hoped they would see the sincere desire he had to make things right with Tim.

"That's Tim's call, DiNozzo. No one's pushing him to do anything he doesn't wanna do from here on." Gibbs threw down the gauntlet.

"Understood." Tony accepted. "You said he's okay?"

"I'm fine, Tony. I appreciate the concern, really, I do, but I'm fine." Tim answered for Gibbs from the doorway. As Jethro calmly trotted out in front of him on down the porch steps to the backyard, Tim silently took a seat in the empty chair amidst the concerned looks from the other men.

"How do you feel, Timothy?" Ducky asked almost immediately.

"I'm fine, Ducky, really." Tim answered with a small smile for the concerned M.E. Seeing the unsure look on Tony's face did little to make Tim feel better about the state of things between them. He was sure that everyone would be afraid to say 'boo' to him now and that was the last thing he wanted or needed to have happen to the team.

"You need to eat something, Tim." Gibbs told him, expertly backing the conversation away from any further emotional discussion.

Even before Gibbs had finished speaking, Ducky was up out of his seat and going after his medical bag, intent on checking the young man's vital signs. Patiently, Tim submitted to Ducky's wishes and even refrained from complaining about it. Once Ducky had completed checking and was satisfied that Timothy was, in fact, fine. He put his medical bag back in the house and once again took his seat on the back porch, once again, a spectator and willing peacemaker in waiting.

Getting up, the boss headed back inside to get the young man something to eat. It wasn't long before Tim excused himself from Ducky and Tony and joined Gibbs in the kitchen. While Tim made himself the sandwich Gibbs had pulled out the fixings for, the boss took his seat at the table, waiting with hope that the comfortable yet slightly strained silence would ease up. Finally, after Tim had eaten half his sandwich and downed half the milk from his glass in wordless but obvious anxiousness; Gibbs took the bull by the horns and broke the silence.

"What's on your mind?" the quiet tone held no anger or censure, only the same concern that had been there from the beginning of this whole nightmare.

"Everyone's on eggshells around me now and I don't know how to handle it." Tim answered with honesty and self-depreciation.

"Nothing for you to worry about. Just be yourself and concentrate on you. Work through this, one step at a time. "Gibbs tried to get Tim to stay on track. Letting him get bogged down in guilt over any of this wouldn't help.

"Boss... " Tim tired to explain but somehow couldn't put the words together. He hadn't felt this at a loss for words since this whole mess had first brought Gibbs to his door.

Tony said he needs to talk to you. You up for that?" Gibbs asked without changing his tone or acknowledging Tim's struggle to explain what didn't need to be explained. The way Gibbs saw it, this was the best thing he could do for the young man.

"Yeah. I don't mind talking to Tony about anything; anymore." Tim's need to answer the current question, did what Gibbs had intended. Now over the rough patch, they could keep moving forward in this recovery. The young man's answer didn't' really surprise the boss, either; it did spark some hope that things were headed in the right direction.

"What about Abby? Think you can handle clearing the air with her tonight after dinner?" Gibbs gently pushed.

Tim lost all appearance of comfort and serenity. Almost instantly, his eyes showed the wounded soul still in need of healing. Valiantly, the young man worked to pull himself together and shift his emotions back behind his private wall. Gibbs watched with something akin to displeasure as his agent emotionally tripped himself up; just to do what he thought was wanted of him.

"Yes. I can handle it." Tim finally said after long minutes of obviously putting himself through hoops.

"Don't lie to me. More importantly, don't lie to yourself." Gibbs told him with quiet steel in his tone.

"Boss, I _want _to do this. I _need _to be done with it, get it _over_ with!" Tim pleaded.

"Ok. I can understand that. Don't think you're going it alone, though." Gibbs told him reassuringly.

'Why not? I mean, don't get me wrong, Boss, please. I appreciate everything but why don't you think I should talk to Abby alone?" Tim asked in clear confusion.

"I just don't think it's a good idea, Tim." Gibbs said without further explanation.

Suddenly, Tim felt uncomfortable around Gibbs again. Once again, the boss was the boss and he was back to being less than upfront with him and it stunk Without even thinking about it, Tim bolted from his chair and stepped over to the sink; physically forcing himself not to run away from Gibbs.

Seeing Tim nearly jump up from the table startled both incoming silent men into silent shock. Ducky and Tony had been enroute to the kitchen to make sure Tim was in fact, okay. It had nothing to do with not trusting Gibbs; but rather, the overriding need to touch base with the still troubled young man. This new development rattled both of them. This wasn't looking good at all. In fact, it was beginning to look like they had just taken a giant step backwards, which none of them wanted to have happen.

Ducky silently watched as Tim stared at the running sink water while trying to school his features into something that resembled calm. Finding Jethro sitting at the table just as silently watching the young man's anxiety driven actions, was disconcerting to say the least. The look on the Senior Agent's face didn't hide the concern he was obviously feeling, but there was something else there, too. Ducky couldn't quite fathom what it was because it surely couldn't be guilt. Leroy Jethro Gibbs just didn't' wear his heart on his sleeve like this. Did he?

Gibbs quit sitting idly by and stepped over to where the younger man was standing. "Tim." Gibbs tried to get his younger agent's attention, making sure to leave all traces of anger and impatience out of his tone.

Seeing the fleeting show of anger cross the young man's eyes was a surprise to Tony who had stopped where he could better see what was going on with his teammate. Tim's failure to stop running the water and talk to the boss set Tony's nerves on edge. Somehow, the Senior Field Agent felt an explosion was coming and he wasn't even sure why.

Not willing to give up, Gibbs tried again, with more strength in his tone. This time, he threw his authority into it, knowing he was risking making Tim even more pissed than he obviously already was. His gut was screaming at him that this was important and worth the risk.

"McGee!"

Finally, Tim stopped his restless motions and actually looked his boss in the eye; even though he said nothing.

"Talk to me." Gibbs encouraged.

"I think you have that backwards, Boss." Tim said carefully. Even though he was pissed at Gibbs' unwillingness to be open with him, he wasn't about to make the situation worse with rudeness.

"Explain it to me." Gibbs requested.

"You push me to be honest with you and with myself, but when I ask you for the truth, you shade it or worse, don't even share it at all!" Tim boldly answered seemingly oblivious to Ducky and Tony's presence and unwilling to hold it in any more. "After everything I've told you, how could you not understand what that does to me?" Tim asked quietly.

"Wasn't tryin to lie to you, Tim. I'm sorry if you thought I was." Gibbs explained in a tone that was saturated with his apology. "I was just tryin' to keep things simple.".

"I don't need simple, Boss. I need honest! Especially from you." Tim quietly tried to explain, not successfully hiding his frustration. He wasn't trying to lose his cool with Gibbs. The boss didn't deserve it. Gibbs had gone over and above board to help Tim through this, and to give back to him this way felt wrong. It left Tim more than ready to "Gibbs-slap" himself. But years of slowly finding his backbone under Gibbs and Tony and the struggles he'd gone through to get here, were now providing him with the strength to say exactly what was on his mind. This last week of Gibbs pushing him to let exactly what was bothering him out had bolstered his seriously slipping ability to be honest with those around him. Where being brutally honest had never been something he'd felt comfortable attempting before, Tim now found it to be refreshing and stress relieving, to a degree. The fact that Gibbs didn't' seem to be the least bit upset with it, helped immensely.

"Okay. I can understand that." the boss conceded."I don't want you talking with Abby alone because talking to Abby about her behavior requires bumper pads on a normal day, McGee." Gibbs reminded him with a small smile. "And with the last couple of days you've had, 'normal' doesn't exactly describe things, don'tcha agree?"

"Oh." Tim said as he now attempted to apologize for the undeserved anger and disrespect he'd just thrown at his boss. "Boss, I'm..."

"No. Don't apologize. Maybe if you'd found the backbone to react like this a long time ago, a lot of this would have been avoided. Don't stop progress now. Just make sure you tone it down." Gibbs calmly let him off the hook with the patented 'Gibbs' glare that said Tim should know better than to apologize.

The comment about his backbone, or lack of one stung. As Tim's mind stuck on that chord, he had to admit, it stung a lot; hell it felt like Gibbs had just slapped him upside the head harder than any of his 'Gibbs-slaps'. Even as he silently nodded his appreciation of Gibbs' response and quickly turned away, his eyes left evidence of where his current thoughts remained.

"Talk to me." Gibbs calmly pushed as he was startled to see the pain and hurt that had just crossed Tim's face.

"About what?" Tim was unaware of his current emotions being so openly readable in his expression.

"What's on your mind?" Gibbs pushed.

"I'm fine." the young man tried to end the personal discussion. He'd had enough for a while.

"You're not, Whatever you do, McGee, DON'T start trying to lie to me, now! If you don't want to talk to me about it, just admit it." Gibbs said with frustration.

"I'm sorry. You're right." The young mad said with remorse.

"You do remember that you've been able to talk to me about everything else that's been on your mind?" Gibbs kept pushing the conversation forward.

"This is different." Tim's admission came as a surprise to both Gibbs and Tony.

"Why?" the boss requested an answer.

Silence. Tim didn't know how to explain it.

"Because it's about me." Gibbs knowingly stated. Somehow, he knew what Tim couldn't find the words to explain. .Tim's eyes immediately shifting to the floor gave him away but Gibbs didn't push the issue. In fact, it was at this point that Gibbs dropped the whole conversation and patted him on the shoulder.

"Ok, McGee." Gibbs gave in quietly as he gestured for Ducky to walk outside with him; leaving Tony alone with Tim.

"Kinda hard on the guy, weren't ya, Probie?" Tony asked in Senior Agent Mode.

"I know, Tony. Seems like I can't do anything right anymore!" Tim admitted dejectedly.

"Don'tcha think you need to cut the boss man some slack?" The Senior Field Agent pushed.

"I'm tryin, Tony. I really am. You think I want to keep things from him?"

"Then why didn't you just tell him what he wanted to know?"

"I think he's had more than enough thrown at him from me, Tony. He doesn't need to hear anything else."

"Why are you all of a sudden the judge of how much he needs to hear?" Tony pushed.

"Because, Tony, I'm the one he's had to bail out, pick up, and carry for the last two weeks. Trust me, I know the distance between where I'm standing with him right now, and the kick to the curb that's coming down the pike is pretty damn short as it is. I damn sure don't need to be cutting myself off at the knees and making that distance any shorter!"

"Are you serious? That's the dumbest thing I've heard you say in a while, Probie!" Tony said with anger. "After everything he's done for you? Everything he's tried to help you through? You really think he's ready to kick you to the curb just because you need to unload something else?

"Are you trying to help me here or are you tryin to make me feel worse? Cause if you're tryin to make me feel worse, you're doin a damn good job of it! Don't you think I feel bad enough already? I mean seriously, Tony how do you think I feel when I hear Gibbs tell me that all this could have been avoided if I'd only had a backbone long before now? And now, I've got you yelling at me because I think Gibbs is running out of patience?"

"UNBELIEVABLE!" Tony thundered. "What the hell could be so bad that you'd be sitting on the curb by the time you got it out?"

Tim looked at Tony in silent shock mixed with other indescribable emotions as he tried to figure out where things had taken such a bad turn.

Too angry to say anything else without making a bad situation worse, Tony stalked out of the kitchen and went to cool off out in his car. He didn't dare face Ducky or Gibbs right now, he was too pissed. In total frustration, Tony slapped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes_. Where in the hell did Tim get these ideas from? How in the hell could he justify retreating behind those stupid walls of his again by claiming Gibbs would kick him to the curb? Who the hell could ever accuse Gibbs of giving up on his surrogate kids?" What the hell was wrong with that kid?_

Suddenly, his car door was opened and Gibbs was snapping off through Tony's thoughts.

"With me. DiNozzo!"

Tony opened his eyes and looked at Gibbs, knowing before his eyes even reached their target that Gibbs was already pissed. His tone left no doubt.

"Boss?"

"What the hell happened back there, Tony?" Gibbs demanded as Tony scrambled to get out of his car and catch up to the boss who was already stomping off to his backyard.

"I asked him why he was giving you such a hard time. He said he wasn't' trying to but he couldn't lay anything else on you without risking you giving up on him and kicking him to the curb. I left before I could say something that would make things worse. I was just so pissed, Boss.

"About what? What could you possibly be so pissed about that you would leave the situation in ashes compared to where you came into it?"

"Boss, it was like he suddenly lost all faith in you as our Team Leader. Everyone knows you would never give up on any of us like that." Tony tried to explain. "Wait, what do you mean ashes? You lost me."

"Do you have any idea where Tim is right now?"

"Boss, I left him in your kitchen, not ten minutes ago! He was sitting at your kitchen table"

"Well, he's not anymore."


	26. Chapter 26

"Is he okay? Where is he?" Tony asked in blatant concern.

"Relax, Tony. Ducky's got him. , There wasn't any way he could have disappeared with all of us here, you know that." Gibbs answered calmly.

"Then, why..." Tony was baffled.

"Tony, I left you in control of a sticky situation and as the big brother, I expected you to be able to settle things down, not let them deteriorate." the boss explained with anger still obvious in his tone.

"I know, Boss. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to go the way they did. I just..." the younger man tried to apologize.

"Over-reacted to how he felt about things. Tony, why the hell would you go off on him because he told you exactly what was on his mind? Isn't that what we've been dragging out of him for the last couple of days; the complete truth?" Gibbs demanded.

"Yeah, I know, Boss. I blew it." Tony admitted with complete remorse. "I wanted to apologize to him for everything I've ever done wrong to him and instead I blow up at him because he's still thinking we're gonna get tired of him and get rid of him"

"We?" Gibbs asked pointedly.

"Well, no. You." the younger man amended.

"The bottom line here, Tony, is this blow up was avoidable. Which means it's fixable. So, go fix it." Gibbs ordered as calmly as though he'd just ordered Tony to take something down to Abby's lab.

"Boss?" Tony knew Gibbs really didn't think the younger man could fix this mess.

"You made the mess. You clean it up and the sooner the better. Don't let him stew in any of this! Go get him from Ducky and fix it! You are up to the challenge, aren't you? I'm sure Ducky's tried to calm him down for you by now." the boss advised.

""Yeah. I can do this. On it, Boss." Tony said as he mentally prepared himself for the next hurdle.

"Good. And Tony? This time, don't lose your cool. How's he supposed to feel comfortable telling you anything if you react like that?" Gibbs reminded him. "Remember what he's needed in a big brother before you open your mouth again."

"Yeah. You're right, Boss." Tony agreed.

"Mmm Hmm. Oh, and Tony? Leave his worries about me to me. You just take care of your worries about him." was the boss' only response as he sat down on his back porch, pointing Tony toward the inside of the house.

Heading into the house with his heart in his throat, Tony thankfully, didn't have far to look for Tim and Ducky. He could hear Ducky trying to calm Tim down as soon as he entered the doorway to the hallway. The basement door was open and both voices traveled upstairs loud and clear. Tony headed down the basement stairs without any further wasted time.

"Timothy, you must stop worrying about this. How can you expect to be able to work through this if you allow this to hinder you?"Ducky's concerned voice raised Tony's own concern.

"Don't exactly know what to do or how to fix this with Tony, Ducky." Tim said with so much sadness in his voice, it twisted Tony's conscience until he was almost choking on it.

"You've got that backwards, Probie." Tony said with a voice loaded with apology as he reached the bottom of the stairs and walked over to Tim.. "I'm the one who doesn't know how to fix this with you. I had a lot I wanted to work out with you before I acted like an ass earlier. Any chance you can forgive me?" Tony asked with a rare show of his heart on his sleeve.

Ducky backed up and silently took a seat and waited for the two young men to work things out. The reasons this needed to be fixed were countless. As angry as Jethro was when he and Ducky had heard Tony and Timothy shouting at each other, Ducky knew this time and the effort that was put into it was crucial for all involved and even for the team as a whole. Ducky had warned Anthony that the 'big brother' was a huge responsibility and Jethro had shown great faith in the older of his two agents. Anthony obviously felt really bad about this and was prepared to do whatever he needed to in order to fix things with Timothy.

"Don't worry about it, Tony. Can we just drop it and move on, please?" Tim asked quietly.

"Thanks, Tim. I am sorry, though. Really." Tony answered humbly.

"I know, Tony." Tim answered. "I am, too." Tim's voice was similarly quiet and humble.

"Well, gentlemen, I do believe you will be more comfortable discussing things without a third party in the way. I shall leave you two to it. Do not forget that Jethro is expecting positive results and will be most unhappy if he does not see them." Ducky warned as he climbed the stairs and shut the door behind him when he reached the kitchen.

"He's right. Gibbs is really pissed at me." Tony admitted with regret. "Don't know why you're not."

"I'm sorry, Tony. I never wanted to get you in trouble with Gibbs." Tim said with regret.

"Not your fault, Tim. My big mouth is my own doing. We all know that. Now, about us; there's a whole lotta stuff we haven't even scratched the surface on, isn't there, Probie?" Tony asked with guilt.

"None of that matters now." Tim answered calmly.

"Why the hell not? " Tony demanded. "Don't tell me you're okay with every crappy thing I've ever pulled on you over the years! I won't let you do that to yourself, Probie!"

"Tony! Please. I'm serious here. I don't need you to rake yourself over the coals on my account. Because you get it now, Tony. That's what matters."

"Are you seriously gonna just let all of that go?" Tony pushed, again making a dangerous move.

"Tony, I need to move on. I really appreciate that you get it now. Honestly, I do. I can see that you have no idea how much it means to me that you understand where I'm coming from. You just have to trust me on this. If you really want to help me? You could help me figure out how to talk to Abby tonight." Tim admitted sheepishly.

"Don't exactly know how to help you there, Probie. Maybe you should ask Gibbs." Tony admitted as he instantly calmed down and offered the suggestion.

"No, Tony. I can't." Tim answered. "I have no desire to put anything else off on him." Tim said with worry in his eyes.

"Tim. Listen to me. Gibbs wants to listen to whatever it is you need to explain to him. Don't sell him short." Tony encouraged strongly.

"What do you know that you're not telling me?" Tim asked in concern.

"Probie, I'm under direct orders to leave it in Gibbs' hands. But, I really think you need to make the first move, if you're the one that's afraid to talk to him." Tony advised."He won't push you to talk again."

"Okay. Maybe you're right. But, Tony, will you be there for me while I talk to Abby?" TIm asked.

"Are you sure that's what you want? If you're sure, then yeah, I'll be there." the older man promised.

"You heard Gibbs earlier." Tim reminded him.

"Yeah, you really think you need both of us there?" Tony allowed his doubt to show.

"I don't know." Tim meekly admitted.

"Tim, your nervous. I get that. Go talk to Gibbs. Tell him exactly what's on your mind, Then, figure out how you want to handle tonight, okay" Tony encouraged.

"Yeah. You're right. Thanks, Tony. For everything." Tim answered.

"No sweat, Probie. That's what big brothers are for. I'm just happy you're giving me another shot at it." Tony admitted.

Tim smiled and offered Tony an encouraging pat on the arm as he led the way up the stairs. While Tony sat himself down in the kitchen, Tim kept going, on out to the back porch in search of Gibbs.

As soon as Tim stepped out onto the back porch, Ducky got up from his seat and offered it to Timothy with an encouraging smile. "I'll go keep Anthony company." Ducky offered.

"Thanks, Ducky. For everything." Tim said with a touch of emotion in his voice.

"You're quite welcome, Timothy." Ducky answered as he patted Tim on the shoulder and moved on into the house.

Tim sat down but shifted uncomfortably in his chair and tried to start what he knew was going to be a tough conversation. Thinking back over the last week, Tim had to admit that there had been some really hard ones between them already. Since the boss had yet to back down or walk away, Tim was sure that Tony was actually right. Taking the bull by the horns, Tim jumped in, knowing Gibbs was patiently waiting for just that.

"Boss, I'm sorry." the young man's tone was subdued and almost hesitant.

"McGee." Gibbs warned.

"I know, but you have to understand that I really am." Tim uncharacteristically pushed.

"I already know that, Tim. I know you well enough to know that much by now, don'tcha think?" Gibbs asked quietly but with understanding.

"Yeah. I guess you do." the young man quietly admitted.

"Tell me something, Tim. Are you ready to tell me what's bothering you? What's so bad that you think I'm gonna 'kick you to the curb'?" Gibbs pushed back in his still quiet understanding tone.

"It's not important." Tim meekly tried to sidestep the questions.

"McGee! Don't make me head slap you! Spit it out!" Gibbs demanded, suddenly angry at Tim's attempt to withdraw back into himself.. "What did I say earlier that left you feeling the way you did?"

"That all of this could have been avoided if I'd had a backbone sooner. You think that I wanted things to get this bad." Tim admitted quietly and unconsciously voicing the pain once more.

"No, Tim. I don't think that. And I didn't mean it as a personal attack on your character." Gibbs admitted. "But, you have to admit..."

"Boss, my parents..." Tim interrupted in frustration as he tried to defend himself once again.

"McGee. calm down. I'm not judging you. I know the things you've had to live through have made having the strength to stand up for yourself almost impossible. I get that. I also know that being driven to trying to end your life several times, will sap that from you, too. I am sorry it seemed like I was blaming you. I wasn't.

"Thank you, Boss." Tim offered.

"What else is on your mind.?" Gibbs asked.

"Abby." the young man whispered, almost like he was afraid to admit it.

"You said you needed to get it over with. Having second thoughts?" Gibbs asked calmly, letting Tim see that there was nothing wrong with admitting his concerns..

"No. I just..." Tim couldn't explain it.

"Talk to me about what's running through your mind about it." Gibbs suggested, knowing Tim needed a helping hand to think this through.

"She bulldozes her way through every conversation, doesn't stop to listen to what's being said. I can't..." Tim stopped before he got his emotions balled up in the mix of his words and something came out wrong.

"Go on, talk me through the problem." Gibbs encouraged.

"She doesn't listen so much as takes one thing she doesn't like in a conversation and runs away with it. I really don't think she gets how much she affects people. or hurts them." Tim finished on a whisper as he tried to hide the pain that had lived in his heart all these years.

Sure, he'd already shared all this with Gibbs before, but this was different. This was getting himself prepared to address that issue with the person who'd caused it and it was truely frightening. Tim was getting more worried about it with each passing minute.

"Tim. You do not have to do this tonight. No one is pushing you. If it seemed like I was, I'm sorry." Gibbs offered.

"Thanks, Boss. But, I do want to get it over with. I want to be past this!" Tim responded.

"I don't think rushing yourself, pushing yourself to do something you're not really ready for, is the right way to get past it, McGee." the boss wisely reasoned out.

"I know. I don't doubt that you're right about that, Boss, but I need to toughen up. Right now, I feel like a wimp and this is the hardest thing I have left to handle. I want to push myself to do this. I need to do this now, no matter what. It's just..."

"Go on, it's just what?" Gibbs pushed him to get it all out.

"I don't want to do it alone, you're right about that." Tim admitted.

"Good. I already promised you you wouldn't have to." Gibbs answered.

"I know, Boss, and I'm grateful, really, but, I was wondering, do you mind if Tony's there too?" Tim asked unexpectedly.

"Would I mind? No. I'll admit I'm confused. If you want Tony there, why do you want me there, too? You feel the need for an army? You can't seriously be that scared of Abby!"

"No, I'm not. I just...I know you'll be able to keep things from getting out of control, but Tony'll be able to help ...me."

"Ah. Okay. I get it. Only one problem with that, McGee." Gibbs warned as he gave his silent acceptance to the plan.

"I know, Boss. Abb." Tim admitted.

"How are you gonna get her to be willing to have this conversation withyou with not just one witness, but two?" Gibbs wondered.

"I'm not sure." Tim admitted.


	27. Chapter 27

"You let me worry about that. Don't worry about anything. Go hang out with Tony for a while. Relax." Gibbs suggested. "Unless there's something else we need to clear up between us."

Tim stopped in his trek back inside, to turn and look at Gibbs as he felt the need to ask something.

"Boss..." Tim stumbled. He needed to ask, but couldn't find the words.

"Tim? What is it?" Gibbs was beginning to worry. Tim had talked to him about so much recently and now he was fighting to get his words out again?

"With everything...last two weeks...Boss, you and me; we okay?" Tim asked with his worry flaring so bright, Gibbs couldn't miss it..

"Yeah, Tim. We're good. So long as you don't forget what we've talked about or what you've promised me." Gibbs promised him.

"Okay. Thanks, Boss. There's just one problem." Tim admitted as he remained rooted to his place by the doors to the house.

"What is it?" Gibbs asked.

"So much has gone on; so much that's been said, I'm not sure I'll be able to remember it all or keep it all straight." Tim admitted.

"You've got a point there, Tim. Guess you just gave yourself a writing assignment. Maybe writing everything down will get your writer's inspiration going again for you, while you're at it." Gibbs said pointedly as he offered an encouring smile to boot.

"You're serious? You want me to write it all down?" Tim asked in shock, unsure of how to take this.

"Every bit of of it." Gibbs said with a smirk. Seeing his agent swallow hard and close his eyes, Gibbs wiped the smirk from his face and got up out of his chair, walking over to the young man.

His eyes still closed to hide what he couldn't label of his emotions; Tim answered with something close to pain in his voice, "Boss, I..."

"Tim, it's not a punishment or a guilt trip, I'm not telling you to do this so you'll be forced to relive it. I'm telling you to do this so you'll get it all straight in your head, and your heart." Gibbs said quietly, suddenly right next to the young man, placing a hand on his arm in a show of support. "And if there's anything you want to get off your chest that you haven't been able to already, you put that in there, too. This is for _your_ benefit, no one else's."

As his eyes snapped open in surprise and he took in the fact that Gibbs had walked up to him to show his support and offer his reasoning, Tim felt the emotion he hadn't been able to fathom slide away, leaving gratitude and hope in its' place.

"Thanks, Boss. I'm sorry, Don't know what came over me." Tim offered in remorse.

"Stop apologising. You've had a rough couple of weeks and it's like you said, a hell ova lot's been said and done. It's not surprising that you can't quite keep it all straight in your head. Not surprising that you'd be quick to take something more hurtful than it was intended, either. Cut yourself some slack and if it happens again, just force yourself to clarify what ever it is before you bury it under misconceptions, got it?" Gibbs gently directed.

"Yeah, Got it. Thanks, Boss." the young man accepted quietly.

"Good. Now, change of plans. If you're dead set on talking to Abby tonight, then you'll need to get that writing done first. Deal?" Gibbs bargained.

"Yeah, you're right." his agent admitted meekly.

"Good, go to it." the boss said encouragingly.

As Tim retreated back to the guest bedroom to think and write, Gibbs pulled out his phone, watching Tony and Ducky come back out to the porch Abby finally answered on the fourth ring.

"Hey, Gibbs." came Abby's subdued voice as she answered her phone.

"Abby. Something wrong?' Gibbs asked in concern.

"No, Just thinkin bout stuff." Abby admitted.

"Okay. Listen, about tonight." Gibbs led into it easy.

"Gibbs! What's wrong?" Abby asked as her mind jumped to conclusions.

"Nothing's wrong, Abbs. Just needed you to know what was going on so you wouldn't feel ambushed." Gibbs shared.

"I'm listening." Abby said carefully.

"Tim has asked Tony and I both to be there while you two talk things out." Gibbs told her.

"Oh. Wow! Why would he do that, Gibbs? Why can't he talk to me alone?" Abby asked with hurt and worry mixed in her tone.

"Abby. You need to do this. For Tim. It's something he needs to take care of, now." Gibbs told her in his tone that booked no argument. "You're capable of doing this. I have faith in you. We're family anyway. We're all here for each other, right?."

"Yeah. I guess I can do this. Ziva's coming with me." the lab rat advised.

"Good, dinner's at 7. Don't be late." Gibbs said as he ended the call and laid his head back against his chair back and closed his eyes.

"Jethro? Abigail all right?" Ducky asked.

"Yeah, Duck. She's fine. She and Ziva will be here for dinner. You're staying, right?" Gibbs asked in his way that made it not a question.

"Absolutely, Jethro. I wish to be present to keep an eye on all of them. They seem to have picked up your bad habitt of not taking care of themselves when they are upset." Ducky reminded him.

Gibbs silently nodded as he shifted his attention to his silent agent, playing with Jethro. Unsure which was more telling, the silence or the fact that Tony was playing with McGee's dog, Gibbs decided to leave Tony to his silence and just keep an eye out for any telltale signs that he was in need of someone to talk to.

Ducky headed back inside, stopping before he reached the doorway. "Jethro, may I ask where Timothy went?"

"I gave him a job to do, Duck." Gibbs admitted.

Ducky came back to the chair beside Gibbs and pulled it closer to the man. "Is something the matter? Your tone seems to suggest that this job you gave him is due to a problem."

"He just needs to be able to keep everything that happened and things that have been said and promised, straight in his head. I told him to go write it all down, starting from day 1. Told him to write everything he remembers." the young man answered.

"That might take him a while." Ducky reasoned.

"He's quick, Duck. It's the writer in him, remember?" Gibbs reminded him; his voice full of confidence in his agent's ability.

"Be that as it may, Jethro, raking one's memories over the coals is seldom a good idea. We both know in Timothy's case, it will most likely be quite painful for him." Ducky softly admonished.

"I know, Duck. Believe me, I know." Gibbs was unable to completely hide the guilt he still felt when he'd seen Tim reactionto the assignment when Gibbs had given it to him.

"I take it Timothy was not happy with the task assigned to him." Ducky sympathized with what he heard.

"Wasn't unhappy, Duck. More like petrified of my reason for telling him he needed to do it. I think his mind automatically thought I was doing it as punishment." Gibbs shared painfully.

"Punishment for what, Jethro?" Ducky asked in shock.

Gibbs looked at the M.E. silently, compelling the older man to think back over the events of the last week. "Oh. right. of course.. I'm sure you were quick to set his mind at ease?" Ducky replied with confidence.

"Sure hope it worked, Duck."

"Yes, well, why don't I go check on him and then I will get dinner started." Ducky offered.

"Whole gang's gonna be here, Duck. Don't want you having to cook for everyone. We'll order in. Get Tony to come up with something for everyone." Gibbs suggested as he looked around for Tony.

Meanwhile, Tony, during the quiet conversation between Ducky and Gibbs had in fact, disappeared.

******************

"Hey. What's going on? You okay, Probie?" Tony asked once he'd found Tim.

Caught up in the memories cascading through his mind as he quickly typed them out to match, Tim hadn't heard Tony come in to the house through the front door or into the dining room where Tim was sitting, typing away on his laptop. With everything, words and actions alike, running back through his mind, his heart had inevitably gotten caught in the tide, bringing tears of remembered pain to the surface. Tim hadn't even realized the tears were there.

Tony had taken it all in, the zoned out look in Tim's eyes as Tony had walked over to see what he was doing; the tears, the speed Tim was using to get out in words whatever it was running through his brain. It all added up to something unpleasant for Tim and Tony hated to see it.

"Hey, Tim." Tony tried again.

Tim froze at the sound of someone else in the room with him. As his fingers stopped typing and the gears in his brain ground to a halt, Tim looked up at Tony.

"Talk to me. What is it?" Tony asked as he crouched down beside Tim's chair.

"It's nothing, Tony." Tim said quietly.

"Nothing doesn't zone you out like that, Tim. And nothing has never made you cry before." Tony chided gently.

"Oh, God!" Tim's embarrassment climbed through the roof as he wiped the tears from his face with his shirt sleeve.

"Relax, Tim. This is me, your big brother, remember?" Tony soothed. "It's just us here. Talk to me."

"Gibbs told me to write everything down." Tim admitted. "It's just hard having to think about some of it again."

"Why would he put you through that?" Tony felt himself getting angry at Gibbs.

"Relax, Tony. He did it to help me. Yeah, it hurts, but he's right. It's helping, too." Tim calmed his big brother down.

"Yeah?" Tony doubted.

"Really, Tony. You know Gibbs has done nothing but be here for me, for us." Tim reminded Tony. "He would never tell us to do something just because it would hurt us."

"I know, Probie." Tony breathed out on a sigh. "You want some company?"

"Not for this, Tony. Thank you, though." Tim smiled in appreciation. "I need to get this done before Abby gets here. It should help me focus for that, too."

"Okay. You get bogged down or you need me, you call. Got it?" Tony demanded as he clasped Tim on the shoulder.

"I will, Tony, I promise." Tim said in appreciation. "Thanks."

"No sweat, Probie." Tony said as he took himself to the kitchen.

Damn, he needed a drink! Unfortunately, the strongest he would get away with under Gibbs' watchful eye would be that rot gut he called coffee. Doctoring himself a cup of it, Tony was deep in thought when Ducky walked in, startling him.

"Ah, Anthony. Are you all right, dear boy, you look peaked." Ducky declared.

"I'm fine, Ducky. It's McGee I'm worried about." Tony admitted.

"Oh? Has something happened?" the M.E. questioned in concern.

"Gibbs told him to write everything down." Tony shared.

"Ah, yes. Jethro and I were just discussing that. How is Timothy doing on it?"

"He's doing it, but it looks to me like it's tearing him apart having to go through all that in his head again."

"Looks?"

"Zoned out, crying, lightening quick typing. you know, tell-tale signs." Tony explained.

"Ah, Yes. you are most likely correct. Did he say anything to you?" Ducky asked.

"Yeah. said it was helping even though it was hard and it hurt. Made sure I didn't stay pissed at Gibbs for it." Tony admitted.

"As you should not, Anthony. Jethro did not give Timothy that task on a whim. He is doing what he believes is best for Timothy, as we all know he does and will continue to do." Ducky forcefully reminded him.

"I know, Ducky. It's just, the kid's been through so much already."

_More than you know, Anthony, More than you know_. Ducky thought to himself. "Relax, Anthony, everything will work out if we all stick together and do what's best for Timothy."

"I know. Listen, I'm gonna go catch a nap til dinner. I'm wiped out." Tony said.

Tony headed to the guest room and plopped down on the bed, giving in rather quickly to the need for that nap.

* * *

Dinner that night was subdued. The knowledge that a long overdue personal conversation was slated for after dinner was weighing most of them down. It wasn't long into the tension filled, quiet dinner that Tim's nerves reached as close to the breaking point as he could handle. Sending Gibbs a look of abject apology, he bolted from the table and took himself outside for some desperately needed fresh air.

"Gibbs, what's going on with him?" Abby asked in alarm.

"Abbs. Give him a few minutes to pull himself together. He's uncomfortable with all this tension." Tony advised cautiously with a look at Ducky for support in his guesswork.

"Timothy will be fine. He just needs to calm himself." Ducky said and left it at that.

Gibbs needed to talk to Tim and find out where his head was at before he let things move forward. But, he wanted the team to remain in the house while he did. "Why don't you all get settled in the living room when you're done eating. I'll go talk to him."

As the french doors opened, Tim froze in s moment of fear before he realized it was Gibbs coming to talk to him. Immediately, he relaxed and even settled down enough to join Gibbs on the porch.

"Talk to me." the boss directed.

"Just couldn't sit in all that...whatever it was ..." the young man tried to explain.

"Yeah, it wasn't fun," Gibbs admitted. "You ready to do this?"

"Yeah. I'm good. You were right, Boss. Writing it all down, getting it out helped. I feel like I've shed fifty pounds of excess baggage. Thank you." Tim offered.

"You're welcome. C'mon, dragging this out isn't helping any one of us." Gibbs reminded him as he heralded him toward the living room.


	28. Chapter 28

Tim was petrified. He'd promised Gibbs he could do this, but now he wasn't so sure. In fact, right now his heart was already in his shoes and his courage had nose-dived there, too. The only thing keeping him from running away from the situation he'd asked for, insisted he could handle, was Tony on one side of him, Gibbs on the other and even Jethro curled at his feet, compliments of Gibbs sense that Tim's nerves needed bolstering to get through this.

Gibbs had pulled in extra chairs from the bedrooms for this sit-down and everyone had a seat, although Ziva would have preferred not to be included in this since she felt like she was in the way and intruding. After all, she and Tim didn't have anything to work through and he didn't want her to perceive her presence here contrarily. Thankfully, Tim had sensed her misgivings and promised her that they were fine and he was in fact, glad she was here.

Ducky had retreated to the kitchen. He hadn't stayed to get involved in what they needed to discuss, but rather to be available if he was needed. No, this mending could be done without his presence. Besides, he didn't think he could stomach hearing any more personal pain from any of them. They'd all had enough to last a lifetime.

So, with Gibbs sitting on the outskirts of the group, deliberately placing his chair where he would be able to read Tim and Abby, as well as listen; Abby sat separate from Tim, in the chair beside the couch, with Ziva beside her in another chair, as both boys claimed the couch.

In a surprising gesture, Gibbs encouraged Jethro to claim the space between the boys, both for Tim's sake and Jethro's. The last few days since the dog had been back had been tension filled and far from normal for the canine and his master. Gibbs hoped letting them be there for each other though this would help that relationship while Tim worked at fixing the one with Abby. Besides, the 100 watt smile that gesture had earned him from Tim had made it the right decision in Gibbs' mind, regardless.

Abby, once everyone settled down after Jethro stopped being the scene stealer, spoke first, unexpectedly.

"Guys, I need to say something, here." while it was obvious she had a lot on her mind, her tone held plenty of uncertainty about what reception she might get.

For the first time in over three weeks, Abby and Tim looked at each other; for thirty seconds, they looked at each other, trying to read each other silently. That's all it took before Abby had tears in her eyes and regret written all over her face.

"I am so sorry, Timmy. You have to know I never meant to hurt you! Ever!"

Tim's heart melted like hot butter, as Abby's tears usually managed to accomplish when she apologized like this after she'd upset him or hurt him. It was all he could do not to jump up off the couch and enfold her into a forgiving hug. All that stopped him from moving was the three way conversation he'd had with Tony and Gibbs just before dinner, as it came back to him now.

_"You feel yourself giving in before everything's resolved for you, just look at me or Gibbs, Probie. We'll help you stand strong."_

_"You guys wouldn't consider using a code word for it would you?" _

_"Whatta ya mean, Tim?"_

_"Boss, it's so easy for me to get sucked in, maybe if I look to one of you when I need help not giving in, you could remind me with something like a code word." _

_"Great idea, Probie. You let us know which word will work the best for you."_

_"Something simple, like 'stay' will work." '_

_"You're joking, Probie, right?"_

_"Not unless you can think of a better one, Tony._

_"Until we can, 'stay' it is."_

_"Thanks, both of you."_

_"No sweat, Probie, c'mon let's get you through this._

_"Relax, Tim, you can do this."_

Apparently, Tony had picked up some of Gibbs' mind reading skills because he nudged Tim's shoulder with two of his fingers put together, as his arm lay stretched across the back of the couch so he could do just that for his brother.

Looking to Tony now for the backup the older man was obviously trying to give him, like they'd planned, he felt weak, not even ten minutes in and she had him feeling like putty in her hands. He knew she wasn't doing it on purpose, but it still bothered him almost as much as her tears hurt.

"Stay" Tony said quietly, but firmly as he locked eyes with Tim.

Jethro picked his head up and whined in confusion as he looked to Tim for understanding.

"Good boy" Tim soothed as he calmed his pet with a chuckle at this unforeseen complication to their battle plan.

Glancing at Gibbs, he saw his boss was just as amused. Looking back at Tony he smiled his thanks. Abby was thrown by the scene going on before her and even Ziva had to smile.

"Abby, I'm sorry, go on, finish what you were saying," Tim offered.

"I really am sorry, Timmy." she restated.

"Abby, Please. Stop for a sec. Before this goes any further, there's something... I need you to...I need to ask you..." Tim stumbled through this.

He'd never shared this with anyone, not even Tony or Gibbs. But, still he had to do this, for himself. Somehow. Looking to Gibbs for a strong dose of backbone, he found it looking back at him in those cobalt blue eyes that forbade him to let himself down. Smiling his thanks, Tim claimed the strength Gibbs had just infused him with. He strapped on his backbone and took a shot at standing up for something he'd been wanting to ask of her for a very long time.

"I need you to stop calling me that." Tim said gently.

"Stop calling you... stop calling you Timmy?" she asked in confusion.

"Please." Tim's voice shook enough that even though it had only been one spoken word, it left no doubt with any of them that the request had come from deep within his hurting heart.

"Ok. Yeah. I mean I'll try, hard. Habits are hard to change overnight though." Abby answered as her own voice held surprise mixed with acceptance of his request.

"I know." was the only answer he had for her.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked hopefully.

'It's not that simple, Abby." Tim told her surprisingly.

"What do you mean?" Abby was surprised.

"We're a team. We're supposed to be able to work together without problems interfering with our jobs." Tim reminded her. "You and I can't do that right now."

"Tim, I don't have any problem working with you!"

"That's because ...." Tim bit his tongue and turned his head away from her before he sent this spiraling badly.

Gibbs cleared his throat. "Let's address the elephant in the room, or to be more accurate, the dog."

Jethro picked his head up and looked at Gibbs. Gibbs smiled but otherwise ignored the poor canine.

Tim smiled as the thought crossed his mind that his poor dog was gonna need a shrink worse than he did by the time tonight was over. Surprisingly enough, Tim couldn't suppress the chuckle that rose up at that joke he'd made about it. As Tony looked at him questioningly, Tim shook his head.

Looking at Gibbs, Tim sent him a flash of gratitude and then turned his attention to Abby as; once again, she spoke first.

"It took me until Gibbs said something and then Tony and Ziva I talked about it, before I really got it. Well, no, Ducky said something, too." Abby admitted. "I treated you like crap that day, Tim, I'm sorry. Then I forced you to take Jethro in even though you tried to talk me out of it. I know I'm pushy and I don't take no for an answer. I need to work on that. Other than saying I'm really, sorry. I don't know what else to do about the whole mess, Tim."

Jethro, hearing his name, settled for wagging his tail, this time. The rest of what was going on had befuddled his brain and he didn't have the energy to figure it out.

As Tim absently ran his fingers soothingly through the dog's fur, he closed his eyes, unsure of how to handle it from here. He knew she'd feel badly about what she'd done, once someone could get her to see it. But he wasn't sure that was good enough. Did he dare speak so brutally honest on it? Isn't that what Gibbs had been riding him to do for himself? Isn't it what Tony had taught him to come back from hurtful jibes with? Yeah, he could do this.

"Abby, I know you feel bad, but, you know, the expression, "sorry doesn't cut it?" That kinda fits in here. "Tim told her in the same quiet tone he'd been using.

Abby's mouth dropped to the floor. Tony and Gibbs shared proud looks that celebrated Tim standing up for himself while Ziva tried to figure out where she was needed most. She understood where Tim was coming from. But, she also knew that beyond an apology, there wasn't much Abby could do, was there?

"Abby, I didn't say that to hurt you. But, if you stop and think about it, that day, was just one of several where you acted like that. That day just happened to be the worst of the bunch." Tim told her.

"Whatta ya mean?"

"Abby, I'm not gonna sit here and go through all of them. That's not what this is about." Tim said seriously.

"Then why are we here?" Abby demanded, suddenly feeling angry.

"Abby." Gibbs warned.

"To fix what's wrong between us, Abby. That doesn't mean picking apart every situation that's ever come up." Tim pushed, feeling a trace of anger himself. Only his respect for Gibbs and the man's effort to keep things civil kept Tim from giving in to his own rising anger. Why was she copping the attitude, anyway?

"I will put this much out there. " Gibbs surprisingly offered. "I admit, I have treated Abby too much like the favored child among the family. It's hurt all of you at some point, some of you a lot more often and with much deeper repercussions than others. I accept the blame for that and I'm sorry for it. It's one of the things I will work improving for the team relationship."

Tim couldn't tell who was more shocked, Abby or Ziva. What he did know was that he appreciated Gibbs a hell of a lot more right now, more than ever before. Now that Gibbs had said that, there wasn't a whole lot left for Tim to say, that he could remember, anyway. He was having trouble wrapping his mind back around what he'd needed to clear the air about in the first place. He needed a break.

"I need a couple of minutes, Boss." Tim said quietly as he headed to the bathroom.

"Gibbs, what was that?" Abby asked with hurt radiating in her voice.

"The truth, Abby. I have treated you like my favorite and its hurt Tim a lot. Maybe if you hadn't taken advantage of it so many times, used it to your advantage over him, it wouldn't have come to this." Gibbs told her in brutal honesty.

"I don't follow you. When did me being the favorite hurt him?" Abby asked.

"I can't believe you have to ask that!" Tony said in anger.

Jethro popped his head up off the couch and growled. In perfect timing, Tim returned from the bathroom and snapped his fingers . Instantly, the dog jumped down off the couch and trotted over to him where he stood in the doorway. Tim stooped down to calm his dog and quietly offered Abby an example that had long plagued him.

"Mawher."

Gibbs' eyes snapped to Tim, needing to see where the kid's head was while he had just taken the conversation there. Tim wouldn't look up; he buried his face in his dog's fur, suddenly needing to hide away for a minute. Gibbs hated to see it, but, understood it. That situation had cost Tim dearly, mainly Gibbs' trust and respect, at least for the day. Tim had carried the scars from that day for a lot longer than any of them except Ducky, had realized.

Both Ducky and Tim were right about that night. Abby did bear some of the responsibility. Had he and Tim even talked about this in the chaos of this past two weeks? Gibbs couldn't remember. What mattered now was that they get this talked through and move on.

"Abby?" Gibbs asked, determined to hear from her.

"I know, Gibbs. He's right. I pushed him and needled him until he did what I wanted. He warned me and told me expressly not to open the door and I did it anyway."

"And I punished him and let you off scot free. Do you really need another example?" Gibbs quietly asked, hoping she'd be kind enough not to force Tim through any more.

"No. I get it."

"Bout time." Tony said under his breath.

Gibbs glared at him from across the room. He knew Tony was pissed but handling it like that wouldn't help anyone get through this. Tony sent him back a look of apology.

"What else is there?" Abby asked in concern.

"I suggest we make sure of one thing, right here and now." Tony said with determination. He looked to Gibbs for the okay to keep going.

Tim remained wrapped around his dog, not yet ready for the attention to be back on him.

"Tim." Gibbs said, knowing what Tony wanted to resolve.

Reluctantly, Tim stood up. As he looked at Gibbs, the boss motioned for him to take his seat again. Nodding, Tim did as Gibbs requested, Jethro, once again, on his heels, jumping back up on the couch between Tim and Tony.

"Go on, Tony." Gibbs allowed.

"Tim. I know that we all treated you like crap that day; well at least Abby and I did. But I need to know if part of what upset you about that case, was being strong-armed into having to give the dog that attacked you, a home."

Tim looked at Tony in shock. "What? Wow. Well. Yeah, actually, it was part of the problem for a while." Tim admitted for the first time since it happened.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Abby demanded.

Tim stared at her, refusing to answer her. He knew the minute he opened this can of worms any further, it would get unpleasant and he wasn't about to do that to Gibbs or Ziva.

Abby was shocked that Tim wasn't answering her. As he continued to simply stare at her, her brain kicked back into gear and she recalled how she'd bulldozed over everything he'd said when he tried to make her understand he was afraid of the dog that had attacked him and it wasn't fair of her to ask him to give that dog a home. "Oh. Right. I remember. Tim. I'm sorry. I know I don't have any reason to be pissed at you about any of this. If anything, you should be mad at me."

"I'm trying to get past it, Abby. I just don't know if I can, if it's gonna keep happening, even parts of it." Tim admitted.

"So, that's what this is about? Making sure none of what happened before happens again?" Abby asked.

"Yeah." Tim said as he finally looked back at her straight on.

"I get it. I wasn't trying to be difficult." Abby apologized.

"Thanks." Tim accepted, although he was done letting her get off with an 'its okay'.

'There's more going on here, right? Abby asked.

"Only if you're ready to talk about more personal issues." Tim honestly told her.

It seemed as if the rest of the team had faded into the background. Suddenly, it was just the two of them, finally talking as normal adults, each actually trying to hear the other one out.

"I'm listening."

"I need you to stop bragging about your dates and conquests. It took me a long time to get over your rejection, Abby. I can't deal with you shoving my face in it." Tim said painfully.

"Tim. I… I never meant any of it that way." Abby said with regret.

"Its how it felt, how it feels. I get that you want us to be good friends, Abby and I have no problem with that, so long as you don't gloat or brag when we talk about what's going on with you."

"Oh, Tim. I'm sorry."

"I know, Abby. But, it needs to stop. And so does asking me to do things that you know will get me in trouble. Just because I care enough about you to want you to be happy doesn't mean you can keep taking advantage of me. I know. The final decision is always mine to make, but, it's not right for you to put me in that position in the first place.

"I know, Tim. But, it's so hard not to, I mean you never say no and you never let me down. It's like you and anything Gibbs needs on the computer." Abby said.

"No, Abby, it's not. There's a big difference between doing what your boss expects of you, and doing what you know your boss is gonna get pissed at you for." Tim said as he deliberately avoided Gibbs' eyes for this one.

"I know, Tim. I know. I'm sorry."

"I get that, Abby. Just, please, don't do it anymore." Tim said.

"Okay, Tim. I promise not to ask you to do stuff like that anymore." Abby said.

"I'm still wondering why you didn't come to me in the first place, Abby." Gibbs spoke up. "Tim had every right to be worried about the position you were putting him in. Next time, he won't come out of it with such a clean record. Maybe you'll remember that before you ask him to do anything like that, before you ask any of them to do anything like that again.

Abby gulped in nervous surprise. She'd forgotten about the risk Tim had taken on her account with the satellite time for her friend's nephew at Christmastime. Apparently, she was the _only _one who'd forgotten about it.

"So long as we don't have to go through any of this again, ever. We're good. Abby." Tim said.

"Really?" Abby asked in surprise.

"Well, that and everything else we've talked about tonight." Tim amended.

"Okay. Well, that wasn't so bad. It wasn't anything I didn't deserve. And I'm really sorry I let things get this bad between us, Tim." Abby said as she got to her feet and approached him.

Tim got up from the couch and hugged her. He accepted her embrace and welcomed it. Finally, for the first time in a very long time, he felt comfortable around Abby. As she finally began to let go, she reached up and whispered in his ear.

Tim looked at her in something akin to fear and bolted from the room, with the wind on his back.


	29. Chapter 29

Gibbs glared at Abby with anger so hot, the room nearly crackled from the heat of it, as he watched the lab rat whisper in Tim's ear. As the emotions flared up in his agent's eyes and he fled, Gibbs temper went through the roof.

**"Abby!"**

Jethro's head snapped up off the couch as he sat up and growled. Tony quickly got up and coaxed the dog outside, closing the door behind him before going to stand between Abby and the doorway where Tim had just disappeared

Abby remained speechless with shock, tears now filling her eyes. She hadn't meant to upset him. _What she'd said to him was__ supposed to been of help. What the hell had happened? A_bby's internal questions sent her tears rolling down her face.

Tony started to fire off on Abby, until he felt Gibbs' silencing glare directed at him, telling him to let the boss handle it. Gibbs toned his glare down and nodded in the direction Tim had gone.

Tony wasted no time, gladly heading off after Tim, desperate to find him.

Giving himself a minute to cool down, Gibbs turned the innocent bystander stuck in this unfolding drama. In the calmest voice he could manage, he asked her for a favor.

"Ziva, go check on Ducky, keep him company for a while."

As Ziva silently nodded and left the room, Gibbs could only glare at his lab rat wordlessly. Impatiently, he waited for her to explain what the hell had just happened. They'd been so close to getting over the last hurdle with Tim. Now, he feared, she'd thrown him a roadblock that scared him. Would that fear make the problem unfixable? Hopefully, Tony would be able to find him and help him. For now, Gibbs had to deal with the root cause.

"Don't make me ask you." Gibbs finally bit out.

Abby threw herself into Gibbs' arms and cried harder. "I didn't mean for that to happen! I was trying to be helpful!" She cried.

Gibbs refused to comfort her this time. When she realized he was that angry, she disengaged herself from trying to hug him and sat herself down on the couch, wrapping her arms around her pulled up knees, immersed in the misery she'd unintentionally caused the friend she'd just gotten back not even a minute before.

"Go on." the boss directed as he too, sat down.

The anger in Gibbs' voice had Abby's stomach in knots. She knew he needed to hear what she'd said, but was seriously afraid to tell him based on Tim's reaction, alone. He needed to understand she'd only been trying to help Tim, then he would stop being so pissed about this, she just knew it.

"I just wanted him to know he could talk to me about anything, again. We used to do that, you know. Tim used to talk to me about everything, Gibbs and I thought he needed to know he could do that again." Abby explained.

"I'm still waiting for what you know I wanna hear." Gibbs' anger was climbing.

* * *

As he passed the kitchen, Tony stopped to check with Ducky.

"Seen Tim?" Tony quickly posed the question.

"He blew through here a moment ago, I believe on his way to the dining room." Ducky said calmly. "Anthony, is something wrong?"

"Gotta find him, Ducky. I'll tell you after I do." Tony answered as he continued on his search.

As Tony reached the dining room, he was discouraged to find Tim wasn't there. The laptop was open and Tony quickly looked at the screen for a clue as to what was going through Probie's head.

_I can't believe she knows. She's known all along! How am I ever gonna be able to hold my head up around her again? She's never been one to keep something to herself. _

_I'm ruined no matter how hard Gibbs' tries to help me! I thought only Gibbs knew about me going to the bars just to get drunk He understood I had to escape from everything I couldn't get out of my head. But, I can't put Gibbs' job on the line just so he can protect me when Abby's never gonna understand it. _

_I'll never know when she's gonna make me have to think about it again. I can't go through this. I can't put Gibbs through anymore of this. Tony doesn't deserve to have to carry me through this either. It's time for me to do what I need to do for myself._

Tony's mind was spinning. He took his cell phone out and called Gibbs.

"Boss, I think you need to come see this. I'm in the dining room. I'm gonna keep looking for him, but you need to come see his laptop."

Tony hung up before Gibbs could answer or get pissed at him and headed through the house to search the basement and upstairs for Tim.

* * *

Ziva reached the kitchen and sat down at the table with Ducky.

"Ziva? Something wrong my dear? I saw Timothy come through here rather upset, but he wouldn't stop to talk to me. What happened?"

"I do not understand it myself, Ducky. One minute Abby and McGee were okay again, ready to be friends again and the next, McGee looked very scared and he left very quickly." Ziva explained.

"Never fear, my dear. Jethro and Anthony will sort it out. I'm sure they will locate Timothy and be able to help him." Ducky soothed. "Would you like something to drink?"

"So, you are not concerned, Ducky?" Ziva asked in surprise.

"Oh, yes, Ziva, I am concerned. However, I am also confident that Jethro has things firmly in hand." Ducky explained.

* * *

"Gibbs, I told him that he ... I told him..." Abby stopped. Suddenly, her backbone left her and she curled into herself and cried.

"Abby. I need to know what you said to him and I need to know now!" Gibbs told her in a much calmer voice. It didn't take a genuis to see how upset she was at these unforseen consequences to her good intentions. He didn't need to keep making it worse for her. She hated him being pissed at her as much as Tim hated him being pissed at him. They were both tenderhearted souls and this wasn't helping either of them.

"I know." she wimpered as she picked her head up and wiped her face on her shirt. "I told him...I offered..."

Gibbs' phone rang. "Yeah. Gibbs."

_"Boss, I think you need to come see this. I'm in the dining room. I'm gonna keep looking for him, but you need to come see his laptop."_

Before Gibbs could answer, the phone line went dead. Snapping his phone shut, he looked at Abby. "Stay here. I'll be back in a minute. Don't move." His tone booked no argument, but most of the anger was gone.

Reaching the dining room, Gibbs stopped short. Hadn't he told Tony that they needed to respect Tim's privacy? Instead of reading what Tim had let out, Gibbs closed the laptop part-way, afraid of shutting down whatever his agent had been working on if he closed it completely, and set the laptop up on the 8 foot bookcase in the corner of the room. Sending up a silent prayer for help getting this under control, he headed back to Abby.

"Talk to me. Stop dragging this out and spit it out, now." Gibbs directed as soon as he stepped foot into the room.

"You're not gonna want me to say this very loudly." Abby warned tearfully.

Gibbs wordlessly sat down on the coffee table in front of her. Although his worry had climbed through the roof, he managed to school his features so she'd stop fighting the need for him to know what had happened.

In a voice more quiet than Gibbs had heard from her in a long time, Abby admitted what she'd done:

"I told him he didn't have to go out drinking or getting drunk anymore, that he could talk to me instead."


	30. Chapter 30

_Special Thanks to STLFAN , _alix33_ & chelsea1234 for helping me fix the course of this before it was too late.  
__Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. We've almost reached the end of our journey.  
Hope you've enjoyed the ride._  


* * *

"Oh, Abby!" Gibbs breathed out on a sigh.

Reaching out to her, he pulled her to her feet and wrapped her in the hug she'd needed so desperately a short few minutes ago. "I know you meant well, but he didn't even remember that night. He didn't realize you knew anything about it." Gibbs told her quietly.

"Oh, no! Gibbs! What have I done?" Abby was more upset now than she had been to start with.

"Sash. Abby, calm down. We'll fix this. But, you have to calm down first. Go sit with Ziva and Ducky while Tony and I find him and talk to him."

"Ok." she agreed through her tears. "Gibbs, I really didn't mean..."

"I know, Abbs. I know. C'mon." he pulled her back away from him to wrap his arm around her shoulder, walking with her into the kitchen and propelled her into a chair. He took the time to get one of her caf-pow's she'd brought with her from the fridge and set in front o f her. "Stop worrying, Abbs. You didn't know. Let Tony and I handle it."

"But, Gibbs, I should have asked you if he... I should have talked to you about it first!" Abby complained.

"That's true. You should have. When I told you not to repeat anything, I meant it. Shouldn't have to tell you that that included Tim. All we can do now is try to talk to him. Tony and I can handle it. Stay here and relax." Gibbs replied calmly. "Keep Ziva and Ducky company."

* * *

Tim hadn't known where he was headed when he'd tore out of the living room. He'd made sure to tell Ducky something as he'd run into him, but he couldn't even remember what he'd said to him.

He'd thought to stop running long enough to quickly get the words out, in writing to explain exactly how he was feeling, since he was passing the dining room where his laptop was, anyway. After whipping the words out, he didn't even spare a thought to saving it or closing it, before he got up and took himself out the front door, away from everyone.

It wasn't a case of running away from the people inside, but rather searching for a place to be absolutely alone and think things through. Needing something to lean on, Tim walked over to the back gate to the yard and let it hold him up while he stood thinking. As Jethro was bounding across the yard toward him, Tim's focus was interrupted and he quickly stepped inside the gate and closed it behind him. Dropping to his knees, he enveloped the dog in an embrace they both seemed to need at the moment. Feeling much calmer after a few minutes; Tim settled down on the ground where Jethro flopped down nearly in his lap.

Everything he was worried about came back to him in a rush and he found himself beginning to get lost in the pile-up as he attempted, once again, to sort it all out. There were so many things to worry about now. Everything he'd said and done over the last two weeks held possible repercussions with the Agency if this wasn't kept under wraps. The possibilities for problems were endless. Funny thing was he'd already had everything straight in his head before this happened, thanks to Gibbs. And Tony. Strange how quick things turned around. Then again, he hadn't even given much thought to this side of the situation before now, either.

With the determination borne of not wanting to let Gibbs or Tony down, he concentrated on setting things right in his head again. He was capable of getting through this, thanks to those two and even Ducky. There was no way he would not do his damnedest to hold himself up through this after everything they'd done to get him here, to this place where he was almost strong again. Their words of encouragement and promises of support resonated in his head even now:

_I'm here to help. I need to be able to help you find a way to cope that doesn't involve you hurting yourself or you setting yourself up for someone else to hurt you._

_My promise that your place on the team is safe, comes with the stipulation that you don't continue to handle this without help.  
You are not alone  
Why didn't you just talk to me?"  
This isn't about making you feel bad, either. This is about keeping you safe from yourself until you find your way back._

_McGee, this also about you needing to let the rest of your team in about what it is you need fixed. You can't function on a team if all of this is out there unresolved._

_Hey, Probie, you know you can talk to me, right?  
I'm here for you, man. Talk to me!  
It's all right man. We'll get you through this. I promise._

There was no doubt in his mind, Tim would need help in his efforts not to get bogged down again. But, the help was already his to be had; all he had to was ask for it, he knew that now. With a smile, Tim sent up a silent thank you for the people around him that cared so much about him. He realized that the first order of business was to figure out what he needed to talk to someone about, things that had him concerned about affecting someone around him.

One thing he was worried about, was as he'd already put into words on his laptop; would Abby forever keep what she knew to herself? Would she ever figure out that the way she'd treated him all this time had been the driving force for the choices he'd made; to date when a woman seemed interested in him; to bury how he felt; to try to hide away from it all at bars and by drinking himself into oblivion. Sure, he'd made those choices; but it had been with a devastated heart broken into fragments soaked in worthlessness that had been marinating in rejection; hers. Would he be able to stay emotionally upright around her without having to become hardened and unfriendly to her just to get through the day?

Another worry for him was keeping Gibbs from getting in trouble on account of him. There were other things weighing him down, too; but, the longer he sat there, the more he began to realize he needed to be talking these things out with someone who could help him look at it all more objectively.

He needed to do something about this now. In the odd sense of timing that sometimes actually happens, Tim's phone rang about the same time he was ready to act on the realization that he needed to stop trying to figure things out by himself. Looking at the caller id; he felt a smile tug on the corners of his mouth.

"Hey, Tony." He answered calmly.

"Probie! You all right? Where are you?" Tony's concern wiped all traces of smile from Tim's face.

"I'm okay, Tony, I'm out back with Jethro. Sorry I ran off."

"Normally, I would say no sweat, Tim; but, you need to come back in here and calm Abby down. She's really upset; thinks she's done something unforgivable.

"Told you I couldn't do anything right." Tim said guiltily as he climbed to his feet "I'll be there in a minute."

"Don't start that guilt trippin', Probie!" Tony admonished.

"Can't help it if the shoe fits, Tony." Tim admitted as he ended the call.

* * *

Tony snapped his phone shut, looked at Gibbs and nodded toward the back yard. "He's comin'. He was out back with the mutt."

Gibbs let out a sigh of relief. He'd felt close to panicked when he and Tony hadn't located Tim in the house. Watching the young man come back in the house now sent relief through him. Just looking at him, Gibbs could see the kid felt badly for running off, especially now that he'd been told Abby was upset about the situation. He'd heard Tony's part of the conversation so he knew Tim was feeling guilty about something, anyway.

"Boss, I…" Tim tried to make amends.

"No, I get it. You do need to resolve this with Abby though." Gibbs redirected the young man's attention calmly. "And next time? Think about this before you give in to a knee-jerk reaction!"

"I know. I'm sorry." Tim agreed.

The boss looked at him in that "what did I just say" expression and smacked the back of his head.

"Ow. Yes, Boss." Tim said meekly.

With a nod of his head Gibbs went to get Abby with Tony at his heels. Ziva, Abby and Ducky were in the midst of a peaceful game of poker while they waited for this discussion to come to a conclusion. No one wondered why Gibbs didn't remain in the kitchen with them.

Tony was surprised Tim didn't want to include him in what was going on; until he remembered that he wasn't supposed to know about the drinking. Recalling what Tim had typed out on his laptop, Tony felt for the guy and allowed himself a measure of hope that Tim would someday realize he could open up to Tony about anything. That would take time and trust that had yet to be built and Tony understood that. Patiently, he sat down with Ziva and Ducky, taking up Abby's hand in their card game to pass the time quietly.

As Abby cautiously came back into the living room. Tim encouraged her to sit next to him. Gratefully, he noted Gibbs had posted himself in the doorway, a mere spectator-cum-referee, as Tim's silent question had asked of him. Offering the man a smile of thanks, Tim turned his attention to the problem at hand as he took the bull by the horns and jumped on for the ride.

"Abby, I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have over-reacted. I guess you could tell you scared me." Tim offered. "I'm really sorry. Think you can forgive me? Please?"

"Of course, I forgive you, Tim. But,I don't understand why you reacted that way I was just trying to reach out to you; let you know that you can count on me to be there to talk to, like we used to do for each other." Abby answered tearfully.

Tim wanted to wipe her tears away, but knew he didn't have the right to do that since he'd been the one to put them there. Maybe they'd be able to be there for each other soon, but he didn't see it as the reality just yet.

"I know, Abby But,that's just it. Things are different now. A lot different; especially between you and I. I've reached a point where I just can't take anymore of the way things were. And you have a hard time not keeping things to yourself and that worries me. Especially about that night I didn't even realize you knew about.." The young man admitted.

"Tim, I know I don't have the best track record for keeping my mouth shut, but you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna say anything about any of this to anyone! It's not like you're gonna get in trouble about it, anyway." Abby tried to promise.

"It's not me I'm worried about being in trouble, if this gets out." Tim revealed as his eyes immediately flew to Gibbs.

"I don't understand. Why would anyone get in trouble?" Abby asked in confusion.

Gibbs realized what was going on. Tim was lumping everything together, the bars, the getting drunk and the serious thoughts he'd had about taking his own life; and was beginning to believe that Gibbs would be called to the mat over it all and it was beginning to seriously worry his agent. The trouble was Abby didn't need to be let in on all of that. He needed to stop this conversation before it went any further in the wrong direction.

"Tim. Tell Abby what you need her to understand for things to get back to normal between the two of you." Gibbs redirected.

"I just need you to realize that it's really important that you do what you promised to work on. It may seem small or petty but, trust me, it's important." Tim explained simply. "And please, whatever you do, don't ever mention to anyone that you had to call Gibbs to come get me from that bar."

"Ok, Tim. I get it. Really, I do." Abby's eyes were full of compassion and promise. She would get this right.

"Thanks, Abby. And, again, I'm really sorry that I upset you." Tim said as he opened his arms for a hug, hoping she'd take him up on the offer. "Please forgive me."

"I do forgive you. But I don't understand why you had such a hard time forgiving me when Tony treats you like crap and you forgave him already." Abby admitted.

"Tony didn't break my heart and keep stepping on it. You did." Tim answered quietly

"I'm sorry." she said tearfully as she hugged him back. Tim began to see some hope on the horizon, but there were still a few dark storm clouds in the middle and unbeknown to him, those clouds made themselves known in his once again, troubled eyes. Abby took what he offered and forced herself to leave what he wasn't sharing alone as she kissed him on the cheek, stepped back and headed out, stopping to kiss Gibbs on the check as she left the room.

Neither man spoke after Abby left; both thinking about things in their own way.


	31. Chapter 31

Tony was back momentarily, concern shadowing his eyes as he took in Gibbs lost in silent thought. The motion of Tony walking by him roused Gibbs from his thoughts and he watched Tony think about how to deal with whatever was going on with Tim, comfortable with the man's ability to be the big brother. Tony took a long silent minute to watch Tim as the younger man sat like a statue, trying hard not to spill something while Gibbs patiently waited him out.

"Probie, what is it?" Tony asked. "I can see there's something's still on your mind. where Abby's concerned. Why don't you just tell her whatever it is?"

"I can't, Tony."

"Why not? Whatever it is that's buggin' you; you need to get it out!" Tony pushed as he looked to Gibbs for backup.

"Tony's right, Tim." Gibbs quietly seconded Tony's reasoning. "Don't keep it bottled up. Thought we talked about that?"

Tim continued to struggle with what he didn't feel right voicing. He shook his head and stood up, heading back out to the back porch before he said something he shouldn't.

"Probie!"

"Tim, don't run from it. It won't help you like that." Gibbs pushed. "Whatever it is, it's better out than building up inside."

"Please, leave it for now." Tim begged.

Gibbs took a breath and thought a minute before nodding in agreement and silently telling Tony to stop pushing him, too.

"Okay. Probie. Just tryin' to help." Tony said as he turned to go back inside.

"I know, Tony. I know. And it's not that I don't appreciate it. But, there are times when it's not right to just blurt out what you're thinking." Tim advised.

"Something's different about what's bothering you this time?" Gibbs pushed from a different angle.

Tim's eyes snapped over to those of his boss. _How does he do that?_

"Thought you figured out that no matter what is it driving the thoughts in your head; you need to let us in or we can't help." Gibbs reminded him.

"I know, Boss." Tim whispered as he looked away. It was just the three of them standing there; alone on Gibbs' back porch. Could he let it out without making it worse or having them forever think of him as weak after this? Tim knew this would be a good chance to trust. He needed to be able to trust that Tony would continue to be the big brother he needed and trust that Gibbs wouldn't give up on him.

"I'm scared." He finally admitted without looking at either one of them.

"Of what, Probie?" Tony asked compassionately.

"Gibbs getting in trouble, you thinkin' I'm weak, me fallin' apart the next time Abby says something that hurts; where do you want me to start, Tony"? Tim asked with humiliation.

Tony looked to Gibbs to guide this one. He knew it was too complicated for the rookie that he was at this big brother stuff for him to go it alone. Knowing Tim needed reassurance from him as well as Gibbs, he stayed to see how Gibbs handled it and to be there for Tim.

Gibbs allowed Tim a minute of quiet to pull himself together. Finally, he decided to push just a little harder, wanting all of it brought out in the open.

"Tim. Listen to me. I want all of it; everything that's rattling around in that brain of yours, stirring things up for you. Get it out. Right here. Right now." The tone Gibbs used wasn't mean but it wasn't coddling either. He meant business.

Tim swallowed hard and looked at Gibbs. _Great, now I've pissed him off!_

"Don't make me head slap you again." The man warned seriously.

"Just worried about how to put all this behind me if I have to worry that Abby doesn't get it." The agent admitted without looking at his boss.

"Doesn't get what?" Gibbs asked.

"Doesn't get that the way things were between us was such a big part of why things …" Tim couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"If you're worried about it affecting how she treats you now, talk to her." The boss began by reasoning but ended with an order"Stop keeping this going!"

"You want me to tell Abby that I'm scared this is gonna be a vicious cycle? That it was the way she treated me that started me …? Boss, you really want me to tell her that?" Tim's shock propelled his eyes back to Gibbs'

"I said talk to her. What you say is up to you. I have faith in you. You'll figure it out." The older man offered.

Tim quieted down as remembered Tony standing by silently. He realized he'd almost forced Tony in on his secret that was already worrying him in regard to Gibbs' job. Although he wanted to let Tony in; was desperate for the big brother who he didn't have to keep any secrets from; he wasn't willing to risk Tony's job or ask him to keep secrets for him. Maybe Gibbs could help with that? He needed Tony to leave them alone for a minute so he could ask.

"Tony, would you do me a favor, please and get me a cup of coffee?" Tim's completely unexpected drink request threw Tony for a loop. Feeling a little put out, Tony cooperated for the sake of getting this resolved soon.

"Sure, Probie. I'll be right back."

"Make that two, Tony. And make it fresh." Gibbs requested with a look that softened the order.

"Sure, Boss." Tony said as he left. Okay, so they needed to talk. _Must be about the drinking. Man, I wish Probie would let me in! He's worried about Gibbs' job over it though, so that's probably not gonna happen._

* * *

"Out with it." Gibbs ordered as he sat down in a chair.

"How are we gonna make sure no one gets in trouble?"

"We?"

"It _is_ my fault."

"There more to this?"

"I like the big brother I have now. I need him to stay around."

"I'm not seeing a problem."

"Isn't the one of the better parts of having a big brother, being able to talk to them about everything?" Tim seriously hoped Gibbs would do his normal thing and figure it out without the nitty gritty needing to be discussed.

"Ah. Got it. You wanna be able to talk to Tony about this without getting him in trouble if he keeps it to himself. What if I told you to stop worrying about it.? Trust. Tim. Trust me; no one is gonna get in trouble because of the bad choices you made while you couldn't think straight. You needed help. You got the help you needed. You're continuing to get the help you need. End of story!"

"Really? You won't have to…?"

"McGee. Let me worry about that. You worry about getting your head back on straight. Talking things out with Tony, if that's what you need to do, talk to your shrink; not hiding problems; not hiding from your us know when you feel yourself slipping back down where you were. THAT'S what you focus on! You got me?"

"Yes, Sir." The emotions churning through the younger man were taking turns flaring in his eyes and Gibbs knew if he stopped now or cracked an inch, Tim would fall right back down into guilt and everything else that was still hanging around his neck like a noose.

"Okay. Hang on to that. Don't you forget it. You go to your shrink in the morning. Tonight, you can stay here or if you and Tony want, you can crash at Tony's . Until I hear the okay from your doc, you're not going home alone. You're on desk duty til then, too."

"Thanks, Boss." Tim said with tears in his eyes. As he wiped them away, he was shocked to find himself pulled into a hug as Gibbs said in his ear.

"Don't ever do this to yourself; to your team again. We're here for you. Don't shut us out again. You hear me?"

Tim silently nodded his agreement to the order that had been given with a touch of emotion, setting Tim's guilt back in motion.

As he stepped back and waited for Tim to look back up at him; he warned: "I hear those cogs of yours turning, McGee. Stop it! If I even hear that you're getting bogged down in guilt or worse; worrying that we think you're weak, I'll head slap you into next week!"

As expected, Tim looked up from his shoes to find Gibbs watching him.

"One of these days, you're gonna tell me how you do that, right?" Tim asked shyly.

Gibbs smirked as he patted Tim on the shoulder and went back inside. "I'll send Tony out." He said as he went.

Stepping back through the house, Gibbs heard Abby sobbing in the kitchen and Tony and Ducky's attempts to calm her. From Ziva, he heard nothing. As he entered his kitchen, it was just as he suspected; Ziva was sitting quietly, letting Tony and Ducky look after Abby. Gibbs silently motioned for Ziva to step back out of the kitchen with him.

"Talk to me." Gibbs directed quietly.

"Abby overheard McGee talking to you and Tony. It upset her although she has yet to say something that can be understood." Ziva said impatiently. "What is all of this accomplishing, Gibbs?"

"Relax, Ziva. It'll work out. Just give it some time." He reasurred her. "It'll make the team stronger in the end."

"If you say it is so, then I will believe you and wait." She vowed.

"Thanks, Ziva. C'mon, let's go talk to Abby."

Once back in the kitchen, Gibbs drew Tony out into the hallway and got the same explanation.

"Ok. I've got this. You need to go talk to McGee." Gibbs told him.

"You sure he wants to talk to me?" Tony asked with a bit of something unsure and hurt in his tone.

"Tony, he needed a promise from me that you wouldn't be in trouble with the Agency if he let you in on everything he wants to let you in on." Gibbs explained patiently.

"Oh." Tony said in surprise. "Oh!" he said with a smile.

"Yes, I gave it to him, now go on, and if you want, take him home with you for the night. But, Tony? He's still not to be left alone until his shrink says otherwise, got it?"

"Yeah, Boss. I got it. And, yeah, I'll take him home with me for tonight."

"Good. Make sure you let him see the girls before you go. Gotta set this right tonight so we can all move forward."

"Right. On it, Boss.

"Good. Go hang out til I get this straightened out with Abby."

Heading back into the kitchen, Gibbs sat down with Abby and encouraged her to calm down so they could talk. Likewise, Tony headed out to the back porch to hang out with Tim.

Abby's problem was simple yet full of hurt. She'd overheard what Tim had said, that much was understood. But what needed to be further understood is why she felt betrayed by what she heard. After all, Tim had just told her everything would be all right so long as she changed the way she treated him and kept her knowledge of his drinking to herself, hadn't he?

Once they were aware of why she was so upset, Ducky and Gibbs and even Ziva all worked together to get her to understand that Tim's honesty and the worry behind it was in no way a betrayal of the forgiveness they'd forged between them; but rather a deeper concern that literally had him unsure of himself. After a few minutes of pondering this, Abby realized he hadn't meant to hurt her. He'd merely allowed his vulnerability out so he could get help addressing it.

This new Tim was a shock to Abby. He was standing up for himself; albeit with help, and letting personal issues out into the light of day. There was no doubt about it; everything he'd been through had changed Tim and it saddened her to realize that it had taken this problem of epic proportions for her to see it. She hoped they would somehow be able to rebuild their friendship; on much more solid ground this second time around.

Meanwhile, out on the back porch, Tony and Tim had talked about very little. They discussed plans to hang out at Tony's for the night and agreed that they both needed the peace and quiet while they waited for the 'all clear' from Gibbs so they could check on Abby, Ziva and Ducky and then go home. Tony didn't even tell Probie that Abby had overheard him. The kid didn't need to know that. It would just send him into another tailspin and no one wanted that.

Surprisingly enough, it was only thirty minutes after Tony had arrived on the back porch before Gibbs was telling them to head in the house to talk to Abby again.

Tim could see that Abby had been crying. When he tried to ask her what was wrong, she shook her head and put her finger up to his mouth.

"No. we're good. Let's just take it from there, okay?" Abby asked with a smile that reached her eyes.

Tim looked at her for a long silent minute; positive that she was upset with him and wasn't telling him. But, then again, hadn't he just done the same thing? Wanting things to keep going in the right direction with her, he gave up wondering about it and agreed with her.

"Yeah, Abbs. That would be nice." He said meekly as he hugged her.

"Yeah, Tim. It will be." Abby answered as she clung to his embrace for a minute before letting go and stepping back.

When Tim turned to Ziva, she kissed his cheek and told him she was relieved that he seemed much happier now.

"Thanks, Ziva." Tim answered as he kissed her check in return. This surprising move sparked some silence which Tim then broke.

"I would just like to say that I'm sorry for the problems and the bad feelings I've sparked on the team lately. I'm grateful to all of you for helping me through this. Hopefully, you'll be able to forgive me and we can get back to being a team."

Having said what he needed to, Tim turned and went to the guest room to pack up his stuff. Heading to the dining room, Tim noticed someone had moved his laptop so no one could be nosy with it. _Thanks. Boss_. He thought as he saved the document, powered the laptop down and packed it to go with him to Tony's. The team, once again back on solid ground with each other, said their goodnights with affection and team spirit that had long been missing.

Gibbs and Ducky both smiled as they watched their 'children' leave 'the nest' for night. It had been a long rough road, but they'd traveled it without casualties and that allowed them to look forward to the future not only with hope, but with pride in every member of their family/team.


	32. Epilogue

Thirty minutes later saw the guys settling into Tony's apartment for the night. Tim set up his computer, hooking it up to Tony's printer, once the search for the printer software had come to a fruitful conclusion. Once it was ready, Tim printed off what he'd written when Gibbs had told him to get it all out of his head and onto paper. Tony had remained quiet, letting Tim have the peace and quiet he seemed to need. Watching him work, Tony wondered how he was gonna be able to handle finding out that Tony knew about his drinking. Maybe Tony should just break it to him. Maybe not.

"Tony."

"Probie?"

"You've been… You've been a rock for me and…"

"Don't mention it, Probie. It's like I said. I really wish I'd have woken up to this sooner. Kinda feel responsible for it getting you down as bad as it did.

"'The thing is, Tony. I need you to stop doin' that."

"Stop doin' what?"

"Stop taking the blame. It doesn't belong to you; at least not most of it doesn't. And if we're gonna be able to build on us, as friends, you the big brother I've never had but always needed and wanted; well, then, I'm gonna need you to know the rest of it. If you want to, that is. If you're willing to…"

"Tim. Relax. Whatever it is that you need me to hear, I'm here for you. That's what big brothers are for, right?"

"Tony, you don't have to do this.""Yeah, I do. And you know what? I want to, so lay it on me."

Tim did just that, laying the stack of pages he'd just spent the last fifteen minutes printing and checking over, into Tony's outstretched looked at the neat stack of papers in his outstretched hands.

"I realized earlier tonight that I need you to read it." Tim told him quietly.

"Is any of this stuff Gibbs doesn't know about?" Tony asked worriedly.

"No, Tony. Gibbs knows everything that's in here. Well, not the last couple of pages. But it's not a secret from him. And he's the reason it's on paper in the first place, so I could work through it easier; keep it all straight."

"Why, Probie? Why would you need me to invade your privacy?" Tony asked.

"Because this." Tim pointed to the stack. "Is who I am me, Tony. This is the me that I need you to try to understand, so we can…" Tim couldn't finish the sentence.

"McGoo, we already watch each other's backs like brothers; we've already made it over the bad working relationship hurdle; why put yourself through this?"

"Because, Tony. I need to know that it's me, with all my quirks, phobias and shortcomings, is who you're really willing to be there for. I know that sounds selfish. But I can't put myself out there on any level, like that again, without knowing someone knows me enough to help when I can't see that I need it myself; though I pray I never find myself there again.

""Didn't Gibbs just do that for you?"

"Without a doubt. That's why I'm asking you to help me. So he won't have to do it ever again. Not that you will either, Tony, but, just in case."

"You make it sound like a terrible thing, him being the one that got you through this."

"What? No! That's not what I meant! Tony. Look, before Gibbs followed me home Wednesday night, I had never felt so alone and worthless in my entire life, except for high school. And I don't think my job would be too safe if Gibbs ever had to rescue me again."

"But, that's not even my point. We're friends, you and I and we should be there for each other. And I would, Tony, if you'd let me. I know with all this crap I've been buried under, you might think it's a joke, but I'm serious"

"Wow, Probie. Okay, relax, will ya? I was just tryin' to understand what's goin' on in that computer brain of yours. I get it. Really. And yeah, we should be there for each other. And you have taught me that none of us have to keep everything buried, right? I mean what kind of man would I be if I hounded you not to keep anything locked up while not following my own advice, right?" Tony admitted.

"That's good. Tony. So, you'll work on letting someone in? I'm a good listener, when you're ready." Tim offered seriously.

"I know, Probie. But, let's tackle one thing at a time, okay? First, let's get you back on your feet. Why don't you go hit the shower while I speed read through this?" Tony half joked.

"Thanks, Tony." Tim said with all the gratitude he possessed.

"You're welcome. Now, go." Tony answered before flopping down on the couch and turning his attention to the pages in his hands.

An hour and a half later, Tony finished reading what Tim had handed him. He would have been done sooner if he hadn't had to stop several times to dry his eyes. Having an internal view of the real Tim McGee was a reality check for Tony; one he hadn't been fully prepared for.

It left him shaken and worried about his ability to let Tim come back from this without being overly concerned about him now. He didn't want to screw things up, make them worse. But, damn it! The kid had been through so much, how could Tony not want to put bumper pads around him now?

Getting up, Tony was startled to see how much time had gone by while he'd read. Concerned at the total quiet in his apartment, he went in search for Tim. With relief, he found him sound asleep in the bedroom, wrapped in the heavy blanket from the bed; stretched out on the floor, apparently, unwilling to either disturb Tony while he read or take the man's bed. With a smile of appreciation for the man's ingrained manners, Tony stepped back out into the hall and closed the bedroom door. Retracing his steps to the living room, Tony pulled out his phone and hit a speed dial button. He realized it was late, but he had to talk to someone about this.

"_Yeah. Gibbs."_

"Hey, Boss. "

"_Tony? What's wrong?"_

"I know it's late, I'm sorry. I just…"

"_Tony? You okay? What is it? Is it Tim? Is he okay?"_

"Yeah, he's fine. Sleeping like a baby, actually. Kid took the floor in my bedroom."

"_You made him sleep on the floor?"_

"No. His choice. I was too busy reading to notice he'd even gotten out of the shower."

"_Must've been a damn good book."_

"It was the writing you told him to do."

"_What?"_

"You told him to write everything down."

"_And?"_

"And he printed it out and asked me, practically begged me to read it."

"_Did he say why?_

_"_"Said he wanted me to know the real Tim McGee. Said he needs me to accept who he really is."

"_Understandable, considering everything that brought him to the low point. It had to be tough to read."_

"Yeah. It was."

"_You okay? Knowing all that now?"_

"I think so."

"_Talk to me."_

"Boss, was he really gonna take himself out like that?

"_It seriously crossed his mind more than once."_

"All that drinking…"

"_Was his alternative, Tony. Even while he was thinking of giving up, he was tryin' hard to stay in the game."_

"_Yeah, But, Probie? Drinking? Boss, that's just…"_

"_Tony. He's back with us. Let's make sure it stays that way"_

"Yeah. Not sure I can do this."

"_Do what, Tony?"_

"Keep things normal between us now. I mean, he's been through so much, Boss. How do I keep from tryin to keep him from anymore?"

"_Wasn't why he asked you in. He doesn't want a babysitter or a body guard, Tony"_

"But, we're already giving him both right now, anyway."

"_Right now, he needs them. Doesn't mean he wants them." _

"I know, Boss. I just…"

"_He just wants you to really know him; like a real brother already would, Tony. Don't baby him, just be there for him."_

"Yeah. Okay." Tony said with uncertainty.

"_Think back to what went through your mind when he first came to us, Tony; how you dealt with him then."_

"That was different, Boss. I had to toughen him up, teach him things."

"_Still do, Tony; the only thing that's different is that Tim's not green anymore. That and he's learned that the team really does care about him."_

"Okay. I get it. I can do this."

"_I know you can, Tony."_

"Yeah?"

"_You think I woul have sent him home with you if I didn't believe you could do it?"_

"Right. Thanks, Boss."

"_Get some sleep, Tony."_

"Okay. 'nite, Boss."

"'_Nite, Tony." _

* * *

The next morning was a quiet one. Tim wasn't sure what Tony's reaction was gonna be and Tony wasn't' sure how to take things from where they'd left them the night before. Finally, Tim broke the ice_._

"Tony. Are we okay? Did I overstep, push too hard?"

"We're good, Probie. It's just gonna take some time for my brain to process everything. You ready to go?" Tony decided Gibbs was right. Normal was the way to go. He felt relieved that he'd called the man and talked it out instead of struggling with it alone. Yeah, this talking things out seemed like a pretty good deal.

They finished getting ready in companionable peace and quiet, both lost in their own thoughts.

The day wore on as Tim went to his first appointment with his shrink and then went to work. No mention was made of any of what had transpired over the last two weeks and the team seemed to be back on track and back in the daily grind of casework. There was no visible sign that anything was wrong or even off with Tim anymore. Had he really gone through his first therapy session without a problem?

Day's end found Tim uncertain how the situation with him not going home alone would pan out. Soon, that mystery was solved as Gibbs told Tony and Ziva to call it a night. As he silently followed Gibbs out, Tim wondered what was going on. Once in the car, Gibbs finally addressed the elephant that had been hanging over Tim's head all day.

"_How'd it go this morning?"_

"Okay." Tim answered quietly

"_Any problems?"_

"No. You made it pretty painless for me. Thank you, by the way."

"Whatta mean?"

"_Writing it all out."_

"_Okay. Glad it helped. Anything you need to talk about?"_

"No, Boss. I'm okay. Better than I've been in a very long time"

"_Good. Tony'll be over later. You guys can hang out. During the week, you'll crash here. On the weekend, you can go to DiNozzo's. When the doc clears you, you can go home."_

"Okay. Thanks. Boss. For everything."

"_I meant what I said, McGee. Don't ever do this to yourself again. You're not alone and what you do affects all of us."_

"I won't, Boss. I promise."

"_Good. I'm holdin' you to that. We all are."_

* * *

One peaceful and almost normal week later, Gibbs was hopeful that he'd be getting that phone call soon. Everything seemed like it was back to normal. Tim and Abby were patiently friendly with each other and working on their relationship. Tony and Tim were undoubtedly closer with the teasing and razzing still there, but with no more deliberate stings to it.

The difference was remarkable, as now Tim gave back in the same spirit of fun, never taking any of it personally. Ziva was happily surprised to notice the difference and even happier to join in the spirit of things. Sure, enough, it wasn't long into that morning that his phone rang.

"_Yeah. Gibbs." _

"Agent Gibbs. This Doctor Smythe. Do you have some time? I would like to talk with you."

"_Sure." _

"I know this is unorthodox, but I'd rather do it face to face. Can we meet for lunch?"

"_Where?" _

"Where ever you're comfortable meeting."

"_Name the place, I'll be there. _

"Coffee shop on Market? Say 12?

"_I'll be there." _

"Thank you, Agent Gibbs."

"_No. Thank you." _

As he avoided looking at any of his agents, Gibbs hung up the phone and immediately got back into his work. Apparently, according to the drastically reduced noise level, so did his team. Soon enough, it was time to head out for lunch with Tim's doctor. Gibbs was actually looking forward to it.

"Agent Gibbs?"

"_Doctor." _

"I've heard so much about you, I almost feel like I know you."

"_You have me at quite a disadvantage then, Doc."_

"Does that bother you?"

"_Not yet."_

"Ah. I see. I am surprised that Tim wouldn't discuss me with you. He tells me that you've insisted he not be alone until I think he's ready."

"_Thought that was best. Wasn't gonna take any chances."_

"I applaud you, Agent Gibbs. Not very many bosses would go so far out on a limb for their subordinates."

"_They're not just my subordinates, Doc."_

"Yes, I can see that. Thankfully, Tim can too. He tells me you saved him."

"_He saved himself; I just helped him redirect his thinking."_

"Which; as we both know, saved him from taking the drastic measures he was contemplating.

"_And your diagnosis?"_

"Tim told me that you had him write everything down."

"_Thought it was the best thing for him at the time."_

"It was a stroke of genius!"

Gibbs just starred at the man.

"You took the opportunity to let him get the emotions that came with all of it and let him get them out as well. Apparently, it was extremely cathartic for him. As I'm sure you're aware, it also gave him room to add whatever else he needed to purge.

"_I encouraged him to add whatever he needed to while he was at it."_

"Brilliant."

"_Okay. So, what's your prognosis?"_

"He's more than ready to go back to standing on his own two feet, Agent Gibbs. But, he wouldn't be if you hadn't handled things the way that you did. I am not only impressed, I am thankful. Tim is a remarkable young man and I shudder to think what would have happened to him if you hadn't been there."

"_I try not to think about that, Doc. How long does he need to see you?"_

"He's not on any restrictions, Agent Gibbs. You have your agent back. But, I think you already know that. Any time Tim feels the need to see me, he's more than welcome to do so, but as of right now, he's decided to play it safe and continue coming to me once a week.

"_Thanks, Doc."_

* * *

Returning to the squad room, Gibbs got back to work and waited until the end of the day; letting them all go at the surprisingly early hour of 6 that night; before talking to Tim about it. Driving them back to his house, Gibbs smiled at the young man and broke the news to him.

"Your doc has given you the green light to go home alone."

"Doesn't sound like you agree with him, Boss." Tim said hesitantly as he rejoiced on the inside that he was considered recovered enough to do this.

"McGee. I thought you were ready days ago." Gibbs said with a smirk.

"Oh. Oh! Thanks, Boss." Tim's smile lit up his entire face. Gibbs smiled at him and returned his attention to driving. Tim packed his things from Gibbs' house and somberly headed home after Gibbs bid him a good night and ordered him to call if he had any problems. This was the first time he'd been here since he'd been in that really bad place. _He could do this. Couldn't he? _

"Hey, Probie! Took you long enough." Tony's voice invaded his thoughts before he'd taken three steps from his car.

"Tony?" Tim looked around in surprise.

"Well, yeah!" Tony answered smart-assed, like.

"McGee, what took you so long?" Ziva's voice shocked Tim.

"Ziva?" Tim looked her way with the evidence of his surprise clearly written on his face.

"Were you expecting someone else, perhaps?" Ziva asked with a smile

"Hey, Tim." Abby's quiet greeting came as a total surprise.

"Abby?" Tim stopped walking and turned in the lab rat's direction

"Probie, we know you know our names already, let's go in. We're starving and we brought dinner!" Tony declared with his Cheshire cat grin.

"Thanks, you guys!" Tim responded with his heart in his eyes.

"No sweat, Tim." Tony said quietly as he patted him on the arm. "That's what family's for. Oh, Papa Gibbs said to tell you not to let us drink any alcohol tonight."

"Yes, and Ducky threatened to string us up if we misbehaved," Ziva added.

"Relax, Tim. None of us brought any. It's a work night." Abby said

"Good. So, did someone bring us a movie or are you trusting my collection to offer something you'll watch?" Tim asked as he quickly changed the subject before anyone got uncomfortable.

"Are you kidding? Trust your collection? You must be joking!" Tony choked out.

"Somehow, I thought that's what you'd say." Tim grinned. "Okay, Tony, what'd you bring us?

"You'll find out soon enough, Probie." Tony teased as he loaded the mystery movie into the DVD player. "First, we eat."

Several hours later, after a fun filled night of pizza, soda, laughter, chips jokes and the hilarious slap-stick comedy of "Airplane", the team said their goodbyes and headed out to go home and get much needed sleep. As they'd left, Tim had hugged and thanked each of them from the bottom of his heart. Left alone for the first time in over a week, Tim could only think of the good things he'd figured out recently:

Being back in the fold; great.

Seeing that they were all willing to look out for each other; irreplaceable .

Feeling like a part of this family: priceless!

* * *

_FINIS!_


End file.
